[Stevenator_]

>It does get easier with time but it will always hurt. Losing your dog is one of the worst pains and heart aches anyone can go through.

Agreed. They are an immediate family member.

[HelloDiDi]

Its bittersweet and way more painful to deal with than I thought... I keep seeing him in the corner of my eye and I keep hearing him in the house. I dunno if its my mind playing tricks on me, but I've heard his nails on the floor several times and and yesterday I heard the funny sound he used to make when sleeping and getting cuddles. Every time I come to the kitchen I'm expecting him to be at his place.  

Its just too much, all the loss and pain and difficulty I've had in last about four years. I feel purposeless, there's no one to feed and take out, no one to cuddle when ever I walk by. No one howls at me when I come back home, no happy grin and zoomies each day. Its too much, I can take losing people much easier. I have to become a dog mom again at some point, I can't live without them.

My depression has taken a sharp downward turn.

[IndustrialD1amond]

? ?  I've lost a dog before ind it's horrible

[HelloDiDi]

36½ months today and its time for a little update.

Firstly I'm feeling better, I miss Rascal like crazy and I've had way worse depression symptoms for last few days than for a long time. Extreme tiredness without reason, feeling sad and totally unmotivated, unable to get anything done, feeling extremely guilty and shamed for being a terrible human being, feeling suicidal and just exhausted with life. All usual depression bullshit, I hate it because I understand why its happening, but these things don't have any magical off switch. I don't even have any specific medication for depression itself.

At least I'm on better mood today, as yesterday we got a foster dog over the weekend. He's a Finnish Lapponian dog, absolutely adorable energetic fluffer. They're super cute, looks like a real life plushie. The dog is awesome, cheers me up by merely existing. He's five years old and energetic like a puppy. These guys have herding mentality and they're often well behaved and really happy funny dogs, great for keeping company and they also love long walks. Its helping so much to cope with the loss, I'm just sad Rascal isn't here as these two would have loved each other so much. If this goes well, I'll tell the owner that we can foster their dog any time they need help. Its just lovely, such a cheer. I'm soon heading out for first decent walk with him and see how it goes. Likely easy and fun as this doggo is so well behaved and fun to have around.


Then something about NBE. For about last month or so, I've been doing dermarolling before applying topicals. This seems to help with absorbtion a whole lot and it might just do the trick with HGF levels. Science jargon out of memory, don't ask details as I'm not a scientist. Tiny cell level damage the micro needles do should cause mast cell granulation, that deals with heparin release which has to do with elevating HGF levels. This growth factor (again quoting from memory) enables or enhances the effect of IGF-1. It seems there's something to this because I have been targetting specific spots, mainly outer breast and inframammary fold, especially in the middle. If you compare this new picture to older ones you will notice that I've developed more underboob fullness and my left breast is filling in, there's no "angle" in the middle underboob any more but its rounding out.

This picture doesn't show it as well as it was a bit cold. My areolas have grown wider, its very obvious when its warm enough and they stand out. I'm certain now that I'm in very late Tanner 4 development, areolas are widening and the mound is flattening out. Its still obvious from certain angles, but not as prominent. Tracking Tanner stages will get harder once I get the second fat graft done, might be impossible to tell afterwards.



I've also grown a lot of projection. This I think has to do with Bovine Ovary + other glandulars, its more of the same old pretty much, but interesting to notice how dose directly correlates with how fast it happens. This isn't to say that anybody should overdo dosing, don't, its stupid, but play with the known optimals to see where's your golden middle.

I'm convinced now that Volufilline does indeed work, but its not a fast super awesome magic bullet to huge boobs either, just like everything else, it takes time. Its a nice little side show and it does work. For last about month I've tested higher dosing of 8-10 drops per breast daily, I think the effect is slightly better than when using five drops, but not dramatically. Absorbing agents are really awesome. I've been on DMSO (20%) and Oleic acid for two and half months and its really cool what this combo does. Everything absorbs really quickly and in the morning, there's NOTHING left. So everything goes right where its supposed to.

Micronised DHEA works, with the said absorbing agents the powder form DHEA just soaks right in. I've been on it for fifteen days now and its quite promising, seems that the effect is the same as with ready made DHEA cream, this is just way cheaper. I'll keep going at it and see what it does, I might play with the dosages a bit but for now I've been on 25mg as powder and 15mg as cream. I'm now at first off cycle with Prog, I'm doing 15/15 days with it now, first time trying this and the restart has been really awesome, definitely kicked in with boobs so well. 200mg topically, and I swallow the capsule and what's left in it to not waste any.

I've been applying all extra tocpical stuffs on my thighs and hips and butt for a good while now and its amazingly helpful along with Pioglitazone. I have gained a bit of weight but interestingly I'm getting more fit as walks are definitely working. My lower body has exploded in thickness, especially hip dips have filled in and my inner thighs



I've started to develop stretch marks on my tummy roll. Which I don't mind in the slightest, I also got new ones littering my inner thighs, they just keep showing up to quite nice spots and its just lovely. The ones on my hips have gotten wider and longer too.  I still have eight and half months to go with Pioglitazone, I'm also going to keep on using the topical mix on my lower body as there's always a bit too much to absorb in boobs only. It works like a charm so why not. Also the extra fat on lower tummy is an asset, that's the spot which will be mostly used for my next fat transfer and that's first to come, last to go with weight gain. Also this lower body blowing up like this is so amazing as liposculpting my middle section will give me amazing accentuated hourglass body, the hip curve is already amazing seen from the side and it'll only get better with the next operation.   

I'm still on Vitex and EPO, first should help with Prog levels, so maybe its helpful with topical Prog? So far its felt like as if I never went off Progesterone in the first place and restart has been nothing but nice. I'm continuing with fasting 12-15 hours a day and taking the amino acid combo as its a great excuse for fasting and it seems to do its thing like usual. Most of my program has stayed the same and its working well so I'll just keep at it. I would like to add at least milk thistle back at some point, but money is tight right now. Changing from Cypro to Bica is coming up as soon as I can get some. That'll be interesting experiment. I'm thinking of slowly going off of cypro while starting Bica on quite small dose. It should work out well as my T is already suppressed.

So that's it for this update. More later.