[myboobs]

Almost thirty seven months. I met my brother yesterday, first time in about a year. I missed him so much. Mom cooked and I ended up drinking more than I usually do to keep my anxiety at bay. Otherwise it was a fun night but I got a brain splitting headache from the wine. Thankfully it wasn't red, that would have been worse.

I was quite sad about feeling like an outsider as everybody was all over my brother and everything about his kids and grand kids and all that cishet perfection. He was the only one who asked me how I'm doing, otherwise I felt like I was just a non person. Not that I would have any life to talk about, I don't have any merits of cishet "normalcy" at all so nothing to talk about. It would be kinda boring anyway, I'm depressed and miss my dog every day, I struggle with anxiety, lack of money, difficulty arranging my transition and that's about all there is. And everything else is in your face visible...

I took some pics as it was perfect excuse to get a bit dolled up. I wore the cheetah print dress which is really lovely and cool on hot days. Yesterday was quite hot on Finnish standards. The thing I keep noticing lately is that my face is changing, I think my weight gain has hit the right places and the skincare routine is really working well. For once I managed to snap a selfie in a car which looks somewhat decent.

What do you think of my eye makeup? I think I'm starting to nail it pretty well.

You look gorgeous. Be strong. Hard times make stronger person.

[Mashtenn]

You look awesome.  Pretty face and makeup was great.

[Cindy39]

Love the eye make-up. It's not over the top but subtle and accentuates your eyes.
You have a very pretty face!

[Gabrielle]

Ive had dogs all my life. I totally get where your coming from. I even had awesome dog who made me person i am today, we got him after i was seriously ill. He did wonders for me. We actually lost ours, in same way as you. She was old and a great dog.
But my parents where looking at puppies and went got one whilst we still had her. I guess to easy the burden of losing her.
It could help you in more ways than one. Just thought it might be of some use

[HelloDiDi]

Hello BN.  

I'm back home. I had a lovely week and half with my girlfriend, a little mental health break from everything except being lazy, gaming and relaxing. She's got me hooked on Farming Simulator 22 which is weirdly fun game, especially with bunch of mod content downloaded. I'm feeling somewhat better, not much stress and I'm starting to get over losing my dog. I miss him dearly, that wont ever change, but at least I'm not constantly crying any more. I had a sort of bittersweet dream of him the other night. He was old and tired, but still playful with other dogs. I asked him if he's hungry as he's visibly tired and frail. He replied (No idea how dogs can talk in dreams.) "Its summer, I'm not hungry at summertime." Then I asked how does he see as he's almost blind and Rascal said "Its evening, evenings are dim." It was so cute, even in dreams he's too energetic and happy to even admit he grew old. Then last night I had a dream of him again, this time he was young, looked like he did at around five or six years ago.

I'm getting anxious waiting for my surgery. I still don't know the date but afaik my surgeon is soon coming back to work from vacation and he should contact me then.  I'm trying to take this coming two months really easy, not a bit extra stress and I'll try to take a lot of time for myself. I want to go in feeling the best I can, I want the recovery work out as well as it did last time. 

Right now I'm working my ass off with NBE, there will be plenty to discuss later, I'm taking time to gather some experience on the things I'm trying out right now. I'm also taking two months off of Pio. I'm planning on doing it on a 2/2 month cycle and timing weight cycling around it. If I do it like this, I'll be done with it in about one year from today. Plan is to take full advantage of PPAR-y activation while on gaining cycle. Also there's some evidence it might help retaining fat transfer results, so starting it again when I'm in recovery might be a good idea. I'm doing some experimenting with topicals about which I'll talk more later. I'm also reintroducing lactation pump and milk thistle, I'm hoping to repeat the progress I did while having prolactin elevated. It gave me a lot of projection back then and right now I want to grow as much as I can to ensure there's plenty of space for fat transfer. There already is, but more is more. Right now I've been growing really well, I haven't measured for a while, but my bra fills up way better than before, even to the point of quadboobing a bit. Still there's some depth to cover at the bottom part of the cups, I'm hoping to outgrow the Ewa bra before surgery. After that I will very likely end up with 38M (UK) cups and needing a new bra anyway.

[Mashtenn]

Happy that you're home and had a good time on your vacation.  Looking forward to seeing your progress updates.

[HelloDiDi]

I've been quiet here for quite some time, I'm still waiting for a good opportunity to make in detail NBE update, but that's not right now. I've been quite busy lately and had a lot of roller coaster with my mental health.

So I stayed at my girlfriends place for about week and half, came back home for my therapy session which was lovely once again. I so much like the needle acupuncture, its fantastic help with its relaxing effects. It seems to curb a lot of the extra noise from my mind, it speeds up metaboslim and that else. Its pure sorcery and I love it. We're soon going to write the papers needed for applying for another year of therapy, I feel its been useful and my therapist said she is noticing improvement since we started last year.

So beinb busy, I have a mutual friend with my mom, a younger guy from Pakistan. I've chatted with him randomly over the years but we never met in real life before. He's studying in Austria and has a vacation right now which coincided with his 30th birthday and decided to travel to Finland to meet us. We had dinner at my moms place three days back, then day before yesterday he came over to our place and we went for a forest walk, no way I let him visit Finland and NOT go hiking on the edge of wilderness. Then yesterday my mom arranged him a birthday surprise, a two hour lake cruise on lake Saimaa and then dinner at the spa restaurant.

I went out wearing this lovely dress, I think I've shown it before? Its a thrift store find, cost a whopping three euros and its so flattering. I'm pinching the waist in this picture to show where my waist actually is. I kinda wish the dress would be form fitting from the middle, it would look even better.



I got my eye makeup so spot on yesterday. More subtle with both eyeshadow and liner. It keeps surprising me how well greens fit me, but what do you know, one of the best along with gold and bronce hues.


Its strange how does my face look much more balanced with some sort of dark lipstick. This one is done solely with a lip contouring pencil as it wears out in a very nice way and I love this colour to bits. I need to get some other lipstick colours, I've been thinking of this very dark red, then purple and green, some green which would fit with the green eyeshadow. I look strange and plain if I only use lipgloss, it goes out of balance if I have my eyes done properly.


Yes your eyes aren't lying, I'm starting to get a cleavage forming with my Ewa bra.

Which I'm almost outgrowing by now. There's just tiny bit of space in cups by depth left and that makes a fold below them. Everything else is already getting too tight, yet this bra is amazing, easily the best I've ever worn so far. Support is amazing, but its running out of space. I'm in biggest growth spurt I've had in like what, a year or something? But as promised, more on that later. I want to keep going for a while and I have more busy days ahead.... Another therapy session and I should get to know my surgery date soon and what else.

That's it for now, NBE post coming later.

[Mashtenn]

You're looking good and your makeup looks great.  Enjoy your weekend.

[myboobs]

Your dress and makeup is spot on .
looking absolutely stunning ?

[wee2er]

Lovely as always and always great to read your updates.