Thanks everyone. Just a brief update: Things are a lot better today, at least with my wife. It's very clear she regrets and acknowledges her mistake, knows the peril she put all of us in and is deeply sorry for what happened. For me, the raincloud has past and I've been tear free for 24 hours now. Honestly, I can't image her doing anything to me that I wouldn't forgive. I'm hopelessly in love with her and she is, in so many ways, better than any and all the mistakes she has made. I still get angry but ultimately, I can't and never want to live without her. I sent a letter to my sister and brother-in-law explaining a few things about TG and asking them again, not to tell anyone. They are trustworthy and understanding for the most part so, while the danger of slip-ups still exist, I think I'm pretty safe. The most disturbing thing for me was losing control of my secret. I know someday it will get out and I'm OK with that but I wasn't quite ready yet.

Good luck kari, I hope everything works out.

I'm glad to hear that things are better today, Kari.

Hugs,
Clara

Kari, I say this with trepidation, since the last thing I want to do is to scare or offend you. We all want to control our own natrative, but once a secret is out it no longer belongs to you. Have you considered taking preemptive steps that are still within your control? Understand, I mean no harm and no judgement as only you know your situation.
Hugs
Sammie

Kari, I say this with trepidation, since the last thing I want to do is to scare or offend you. We all want to control our own natrative, but once a secret is out it no longer belongs to you. Have you considered taking preemptive steps that are still within your control? Understand, I mean no harm and no judgement as only you know your situation.
Hugs
Sammie

Funny you should say that Sammie. It occurred to me Saturday morning that when I told my wife a year and a half ago I took a big risk. At the time it had become to unbearable to hold the secret by myself anymore and I had to tell her. About an hour after that, one of my gurlfriends summed it up quite succinctly, "you lose control when you tell the first person". It was hard hitting but I have come to peace with that fact now. The clock is counting down. Someday, I'll be outed by myself or someone else. It's only a matter of time.

Preemptive measures? That's the other thing she told me. I would be terrified for about a week but during that time, I'd be forced to role play hundreds of scenarios in my mind and eventually I'd have a response for most situations or a new plan that considers a leak by someone and I'd feel comfortable again when I do. I'm sure glad I called her. She was full of insight because she came out to the world a year ago and learned a lot.

I'm happy that you are thinking about it, girl. Sigh...none of this is easy, is it? The consolation is the knowing, in your soul, that it is right, right?
Yoy are not alone, honey.
Sammie

wow reading through this thread =( made me feel sad... it really breaks your heart to know all the suffering people go through in life.....be careful not letting fear become a phobic battle with reality
...self love, self acceptance are critical ..being honest and open is a good goal to aim for ...other peoples aggression and judgment towards you can be reasoned with but it' not always so easy...but your own self worth and strength is what is most important and to feel loved and accepted by another human being ....tooo!
....when you breaks things down and detach yourself from it all ...it isn't impossible ..to find happiness and get where you want to in life ..the fear of anger from others or judgment of others is a consuming battle that takes great self-insight and stability to overcome......what makes you a beautiful person is not the person you want to be but the person you are ..caring and loving those values are what I see as most important .. ......that is the person you deserve to be seen as because that is the only thing that matters ....so even when your afraid of the complications or the misunderstands of the world and people around you ..remember it's just their ignorance to what truly matters in life ..what really is beautiful..hold onto that ..to help take them less seriously so you know that you are a good person and anyone who thinks otherwise or judges you with hostility...that is there problem ..they are yet to see what truly matters but you know what matters so know it's possible for them to open their eyes and be more open-minded and accepting .....I'm glad there a supportive and nice people to look out for people on this forum ......I wish everyone the best and will be here for anyone who wants to talk (=.....<3 just remember your looking for peace, happiness and love and there are many ways to get it ...the goal can be to change fear itself with reassurance but also acceptance and strength there are always more than one way to fix a problem .......sorry I wanted to say something to make anyone here feel better ....I know I might not be much help ....so I just hope you all hurting here feel better ='(

You said it so well, rocketmelon. Thanks for the insightful words.

Clara

You said it so well, rocketmelon. Thanks for the insightful words.

Clara

aw thank you (= <3

take care ^_-

Kari,

I'm so sorry that I'm just now reading this, and wasn't here to lend an ear or a shoulder! I am glad to hear that things are looking brighter now.

Michelle