Lol...welcome to my world, Misty. :-)

Everything Misty says, and Samantha seconds, is true for me. Except I am a little less sure that PM changes (or relieves) my GID. I know that when I go without it now (usually because I have grown concerned that I am changing too fast for my own comfort), before long I have a compelling desire to resume. On resuming, I do feel really good. I cannot say, however, that I have a clear sense of change in my gender identity. What I feel is somehow more alive and tingly inside. How's that for unclear?

I should clarify...I started here with an ill defined goal of releasing more of what I then thought of as a feminine side, and growing some breasts. I was ignorant and in complete denial.
Long term use of PM followed exactly the path Misty described. As it happened, I was able to identify slowly all the pieces of the puzzle leading me to realize my identity as female behind a lifelong mask.
But with the same lifetime of responsibilities to loved ones in place I find myself now needing to sacrifice complete transition in order to protect and care for and honor those I love. So it leaves me uncomfortably wracked with compromise, looking for balance, somewhere in the middle.
You cant always get what you want.... But if you try sometime....

Mental and physical balance in between the two extremes is my goal too.

I am not sure how many on this thread started aiming for androgynous or inbetweener, and are now looking at full transition, and how many are still trying to maintain the balance.

Is it possible? Or am I setting myself an impossible goal?

So many of the GD crowd on this site look so very feminine, is it possible to aim for the middle and still pass as male, even if after a point it might be fem-androgyne or MTF crossdressing as male?

Or if I follow this path will it become impossible to hide?


- Jaded Jade (BEHOLD MY NEWBIE ANGST!!! )

Mental and physical balance in between the two extremes is my goal too.

I am not sure how many on this thread started aiming for androgynous or inbetweener, and are now looking at full transition, and how many are still trying to maintain the balance.

Is it possible? Or am I setting myself an impossible goal?

So many of the GD crowd on this site look so very feminine, is it possible to aim for the middle and still pass as male, even if after a point it might be fem-androgyne or MTF crossdressing as male?

Or if I follow this path will it become impossible to hide?

Jade,

With answer your questions I think it may be worth it to repeat what I posted earlier in this thread:

In regards to why some tweeners go on to full transition, I think there are two commonly proposed explanations. The first is pm can radically change one's brain beyond the dissipation of GD. The second is the tweeners who went on to transition were never tweeners in the first place. I'm not a fan of either explanation. The first I think suggests the idea that pm can act as a sort of mind-control agent. The second reeks of the "No true Scotsman" fallacy.

I've been taking pm for about 2.5 years now. I still consider myself to be a "betweener" or have an androgynous gender identity as I call it. When I went off of pm earlier this year, I concluded it would be best to get back on it. A significant reason why I consider myself to be a tweener is because I think it's my nature to test, bend and break the rules and expectations hoisted onto a particular gender identity. If I was a gg, I think I would still have transgender feelings to some extent. In contrast, I suspect those who are transitioning or want to, would be overjoyed if they could be a gg instead of a bio-male.

In my opinion, trying to pass as androgynous is a much simpler goal than pursuing the full transition route. Unless you already have pronounced feminine features, you're fighting an uphill battle to alter your body that has already been shaped by the process of male puberty. A trend I've noticed is those who appear most feminine tend to be pursuing HRT with a doctor's supervision and are exerting a significant amount of time and effort to dress and pass as a female.

Outside of NBE, I've reduced my facial significantly through laser hair removal. Despite having feminine breasts, my body structure and voice is much more aligned with being masculine than feminine. I suppose if I grew out my hair, lighten the tone of my voice, got a new wardrobe and started dabbling in cosmetics, people might start wondering whether I'm a male or female.

Flamesabres comments resonate with me. On the personal side, while he is quite clear and certain about his androgyny I, I get to a similar outcome by way of uncertainty about how far I want to go . I also find very interesting, and credible, his observations about fighting body-type and how it may fit in to how far down the road one might decide to go. If you are over 6 feet tall, broad shouldered, etc., passing may just not be a realistic option, and androgyny or "tweenerhood" may be a more livable alternative. This view may draw fire from those who think its all one way or the other, all lingum or all yoni, or whatever, but I believe Flamesabres is on to something.

Flamesabres comments resonate with me. On the personal side, while he is quite clear and certain about his androgyny I, I get to a similar outcome by way of uncertainty about how far I want to go . I also find very interesting, and credible, his observations about fighting body-type and how it may fit in to how far down the road one might decide to go. If you are over 6 feet tall, broad shouldered, etc., passing may just not be a realistic option, and androgyny or "tweenerhood" may be a more livable alternative. This view may draw fire from those who think its all one way or the other, all lingum or all yoni, or whatever, but I believe Flamesabres is on to something.

Thank you Spanky for the feedback.

I've talked with JulieTG at length about this topic but it's always good to hear another opinion on this issue.

Flamesabres comments resonate with me. On the personal side, while he is quite clear and certain about his androgyny I, I get to a similar outcome by way of uncertainty about how far I want to go . I also find very interesting, and credible, his observations about fighting body-type and how it may fit in to how far down the road one might decide to go. If you are over 6 feet tall, broad shouldered, etc., passing may just not be a realistic option, and androgyny or "tweenerhood" may be a more livable alternative. This view may draw fire from those who think its all one way or the other, all lingum or all yoni, or whatever, but I believe Flamesabres is on to something.

Thank you Spanky for the feedback.

I've talked with JulieTG at length about this topic but it's always good to hear another opinion on this issue.

I used to have the same view as Spanky, but now just see my height (6' 3") as a problem that has to be overcome in liberating Annie. Beware the slippery slope! One thing that was very noticeable at SCC was the disproportionately large number of very tall gurls (and the very small stature of many of the trans-men), so may be whatever addles the fetal brain to cause the transgender condition may also affect stature.

I am certain about my pusuit of androgy at this point and many posts on this site have given me an idea of what to expect and what can be achieved.

Barring a change of mind as I proceed that I do not anticipate, my only question is where I want to end up realitive to the middle. And how blessed my genetics will be with reguards to maintaining male-passability of some level, and how much femme I can pull off. Not holding my breath on the last bit, while some can do both I am 6 foot and my shoulders are definately present... lol


- Jaded Jade

To Flame...honey, I was on Pm for three years before the true nature of my identity began to demand anthing beyond occasional dressing. And then things began to quickly gain momentum as years of denial fell away. And to those who use their height as a rational for never being able to "pass", I can tell you, at six three, the same faulty reasoning kept me in denial many decades. I wish I could go back and slap myself many years ago and just tell myself to not live my life in fear.
I cannot speak for anyone but myself. None of us can. But each of us, if we are truly honest with ourselves, does know in our heart exactly what we truly want. The regret in age of not acting to pursue those deep seated desires is a terrible burden to bare. While not denying that some truly belong in the middle, no phony excuse like height, weight, or fear should keep anyone from pursuing happiness while they can. Life is only lived once, and it is far too short