Ah, this all sums up exactly where I am, I dont know if I ever want to be fully female, I am certainly at the moment not thinking that far ahead. At the moment just feeling more female is certainly enough, the mental as much as the physical changes are way beyond what I ever expected.

The following quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson kind of best sum up things for me:

“...Life is a journey, not a destination...”

“...Make the most of yourself....for that is all there is of you....”

I am certainly enjoying the journey even if I dont know where the destination is and I definately feel more fulfilled in every aspect of my life at present and that I am making the most of my time here. Knowing that I have made a decision to start this process means I wont ever have regrets that I pushed the feelings I have had for so long to one side and just settled for being male een if I end up neither fully male or fully female.

That all possibly makes way more sense to me than it will to anyone else!

Megan

It is what it is,, its a shame that peer pressure has to cloud it even further.. i can only say i agree with you about the journey it should take on a life of its own and be savored. Whatever that journey is. physical alteration ,,,the pursuance of it,,has to leave some booboos on our psyche.
It should all be more simple,, hang onto the heart of who you are your personality your positive character traits,, the sexuality is just window dressing,,, its just a labeling system that along with others controls us, and keeps us trying to preserve our appointed designation ,, our membership card,, and i think sometimes we get so wrapped up in that label that we make its maintenance more important than the evoltion of our soul.
we ignore the inner search because were too busy trying to remind everybody who and what we are. as though theyed ever forget.

Hi Pinnochia,

Glad my comments sort of made sense, the people closest to me who I felt able to deal with things know about what I am doing and having their support means a lot, I guess I have kind of put off dealing with the people who will be more negative and more difficult to bring around for some point in the future.

I really difficult issue for me at present is an ex colleague I who I am really close to as in we have a pseudo brotherly sort of bond or at least did. I dont think would understand at all why I am doing this. He even made jokes about my gender identity and sexuality from the colour shirts I would wear and the fact I am reasonably competent in the kitchen. Although he was only joking, I think deep down he associates gender identity and sexuality way too closely. I dont think he would understand that the changes arent to do with sexuality (in fact I think I am pretty much asexual) but I am doing this because it is who I really am and identify as.

Who I am now still likes a lot of and does the same things as before, but takes much better care of her appearance and health and is a lot friendlier towards people in general and definately smiles a lot more. I guess a lot of my positive traits were female even when male, so I just feel like I am giving up the negative ones. The new me is different but is essentially the same person who I have always been, it would be easier people were more accepting but in some ways that is one of the hardest challenges on the journey.

I guess for those close to you they either accept things or you have to cut them out of your life if they dont or cant. But I do wish the choice didnt feel like such a binary one.

Sorry if this is rambling - that is one bad trait I have developed over the past few months!

Megan

Hi Pinnochia,

Glad my comments sort of made sense, the people closest to me who I felt able to deal with things know about what I am doing and having their support means a lot, I guess I have kind of put off dealing with the people who will be more negative and more difficult to bring around for some point in the future.

I really difficult issue for me at present is an ex colleague I who I am really close to as in we have a pseudo brotherly sort of bond or at least did. I dont think would understand at all why I am doing this. He even made jokes about my gender identity and sexuality from the colour shirts I would wear and the fact I am reasonably competent in the kitchen. Although he was only joking, I think deep down he associates gender identity and sexuality way too closely. I dont think he would understand that the changes arent to do with sexuality (in fact I think I am pretty much asexual) but I am doing this because it is who I really am and identify as.

Who I am now still likes a lot of and does the same things as before, but takes much better care of her appearance and health and is a lot friendlier towards people in general and definately smiles a lot more. I guess a lot of my positive traits were female even when male, so I just feel like I am giving up the negative ones. The new me is different but is essentially the same person who I have always been, it would be easier people were more accepting but in some ways that is one of the hardest challenges on the journey.

I guess for those close to you they either accept things or you have to cut them out of your life if they dont or cant. But I do wish the choice didnt feel like such a binary one.

Sorry if this is rambling - that is one bad trait I have developed over the past few months!

Megan

No apology needed, we all ramble,, its healthy..,only one thing id add, i try not to see my characteristics as male or female,, i dont always succeed,,but i try.
To me,, Its good and bad stuff in us not male or female,, ive known very maternal kind understanding men, that were very manly when the situation called for it. Ive also known men that used their maleness like a weapon, were callous and overly forceful people insensitive ,, and they enjoyed subjugating others male or female.

I learned a lot of harshness from my father,, and very good qualities from my mother,, Ive had incidents in my life that called for both,, so im glad i learned from my father,, i just dont want those things to control and damage my life, and other lives around me like his habits nearly destroyed his. Your a nice person you seem to have your heart in the right place bud,, you,ve got half the battle won already,, lol just stay the same and life will take you where your suppossed to be,, i really believe that. i hope you have a good evening.

Thanks Pinocchia,

Glad it mostly made sense, I think wherever things take me is where I end up although kind of think that if I dont have an end goal then I can just continue to enjoy the journey. In some ways I am no different in how I project myself its just that internally I am finally feeling closer to who I should be. I dont view being male as negative or traits as being exclusively male or female, but feel like I can add to the positive aspects of my personaility.

The following article really jumped out at me today:

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/jun/16/jamie-shupe-first-non-binary-person-oregon

Although this represents largely how I feel, I think that if you have have a particularly male or female name it gives away your birth gender anyway, sadly having a very male name, maybe I need to find another name to use for the new me which is more gender neutral!

Hemmingway,look out! we have yet another prolific writer in our midst.

it is nice to see, that above and beyond all of our "booby-greed" that everyone on here succumbs to, that there is spirit, thought, conscious and heartfelt emotions. The delving in the soul to reach far inside, and bring it out, for not only self reflection, but for others to commiserate with.

Bearing ones soul aloud, in text or audio, is a brave thing indeed. However, it does help us to not only genuflect on it at a later date, but to help encourage others, in part or whole, to make decisions of similar nature. Even to mull it over in their own sweet time. To either agree or disagree, or even use it as a tool to make their own decisions.

I , for one, appreciate everyone who takes the time to speak on other things , besides the best way to get a larger set of breasts. there is more than that to us all.

Behind every computer screen,Tablet, Smart phone, every app that we use to connect here, there are live, breathing human beings, with soul and spirit, and most of all,.. emotions.. a thing that we often forget when connecting with others on the forums.

Whatever identity you choose Pina, I will always consider you a friend. I am glad you posted this. Thank you *hugs* your a sweetheart, and I feel a valued member of this forum. I am sure others would agree

Tanya,, Like Sofi, Theres just no way of knowing where this is heading,, Its come at a point in my life where my window due to age will be fading ., But I love my partner my sweet girl,, more than anybody ive ever met in my life, shes been the best friend,most wonderful lover,,and kind teacher,,, loyal in all my physical ups and downs,,loyal now in this. So first and foremost its my duty(one i choose happily - NOT one i feel obligated to continue) that is my place , and as long as she draws breath it will be.
I also have a mother to care for,,that is in failing health,,so my plates rather full.

We dont always get to live out our dreams,, maybe sometimes were not supposed to,, But ill have the photos , and the memories from this discovery, and our fellowship here ,and ill be able to at least say,,( as few men can,),that i had the makings to fit in either world. Other men, may not understand the value in that ,, but to me its been a wonderful possibility.

There's still alot of unopened doors, possibilities in the days months and years ahead,,full of new growth, both physical and mental. I still want the largest boobs any man has on earth ,, LOL and Ill always be your friend and a friend to everyone here,, you guys are an extension of my family.

awe , your a sweetheart.. its good that your SO is very amenable to what you are doing and supportive. that makes for a great support system. I hope you get all you want and desire out of this life, and the next !

Hemmingway,look out! we have yet another prolific writer in our midst.

it is nice to see, that above and beyond all of our "booby-greed" that everyone on here succumbs to, that there is spirit, thought, conscious and heartfelt emotions. The delving in the soul to reach far inside, and bring it out, for not only self reflection, but for others to commiserate with.

Bearing ones soul aloud, in text or audio, is a brave thing indeed. However, it does help us to not only genuflect on it at a later date, but to help encourage others, in part or whole, to make decisions of similar nature. Even to mull it over in their own sweet time. To either agree or disagree, or even use it as a tool to make their own decisions.

I , for one, appreciate everyone who takes the time to speak on other things , besides the best way to get a larger set of breasts. there is more than that to us all.

Behind every computer screen,Tablet, Smart phone, every app that we use to connect here, there are live, breathing human beings, with soul and spirit, and most of all,.. emotions.. a thing that we often forget when connecting with others on the forums.

Whatever identity you choose Pina, I will always consider you a friend. I am glad you posted this. Thank you *hugs* your a sweetheart, and I feel a valued member of this forum. I am sure others would agree

Tanya,, Like Sofi, Theres just no way of knowing where this is heading,, Its come at a point in my life where my window due to age will be fading ., But I love my partner my sweet girl,, more than anybody ive ever met in my life, shes been the best friend,most wonderful lover,,and kind teacher,,, loyal in all my physical ups and downs,,loyal now in this. So first and foremost its my duty(one i choose happily - NOT one i feel obligated to continue) that is my place , and as long as she draws breath it will be.
I also have a mother to care for,,that is in failing health,,so my plates rather full.

We dont always get to live out our dreams,, maybe sometimes were not supposed to,, But ill have the photos , and the memories from this discovery, and our fellowship here ,and ill be able to at least say,,( as few men can,),that i had the makings to fit in either world. Other men, may not understand the value in that ,, but to me its been a wonderful possibility.

There's still alot of unopened doors, possibilities in the days months and years ahead,,full of new growth, both physical and mental. I still want the largest boobs any man has on earth ,, LOL and Ill always be your friend and a friend to everyone here,, you guys are an extension of my family.

awe , your a sweetheart.. its good that your SO is very amenable to what you are doing and supportive. that makes for a great support system. I hope you get all you want and desire out of this life, and the next !

Thanks Tanya,, your special kid,, and im just as curious about how your story plays out,, you have alot of useful knowledge, and a very kind heart in our present world thats quite a headstart on the others around you.