03-01-2021, 06:59 PM
(Quoted my post from another forum just to save it here and I think some of you might be interested in reading this.)
Who's Larissa?
I said on my intro to write a bit about me, so here we go. Perhaps it'll be more than just a bit, I tend to be quite open about things, some times even too much. As I mentioned being on a DIY hrt program and having people come ask about it in private, I thought perhaps this thread will shed some light on my reasoning and why am I here speaking about bras and stuff. ? Don't worry, I wont go into details about the stuff I'm on, anyone who's curious can private message me and ask about it, I'll gladly talk about it.
I don't like to label people, myself included, but as it clears up things a bit, I'll repeat it here that I consider myself a gender fluid MtF person being more of a woman than a man in the way my mind works and how my personality is like. So there you have it, the rest you can find out by getting to know me better. ?
I noticed in an early age that I'm not quite like other boys are. Back in late 80's when I was four to five years old I remember having a lot of thoughts of feeling kind of alien in my body, often stopping what I was doing to ask myself, who am I? What am I? What the heck I'm doing in a body of a young boy? Those questions came out of nowhere and they kind of scared me to bits as I had difficulty understanding why am I suddenly living as a young kid and that in boys body. I do not have any explanation for this, nothing that could make sense more than perhaps I was supposed to be a girl and somehow I ended up in this life being a boy. You read me right, I may have such beliefs many others don't and I base it all on my personal experience on things I can't explain. But that's enough about this.
I had never difficulty playing with girls and boys alike, the name of the game just changing depending on with whom I was. My mother allowed me to play what ever I wished so when I was kid I got to be the girl inside as much as I wished to. Interest in women's clothes also sparked about that time quite naturally, I did that in secret for the longest time, never getting caught and feeling a bit guilty about it.
Later on I started to little bit get used to being a boy, but got into tons of trouble when school started. I was very girly, gentle and super nice, quite emotional and easily offended. I didn't know how to defend myself as nobody had taught me that. I instead took a beating rather than stand up for myself and this lead to more bullying. At fourth grade I picked up playing drums as I fell in love with heavy metal, of course I wanted to grow my hair long. I wanted to be just like my 80's thrash metal idols were and secretly that long girly hair felt so awesome. I got bullied for that badly, for being over all very feminine, looking back I was totally one of the girls, no doubt about it. That's how my female name came to be, Larissa... They just added few letters to my name to make it into a girls name to bully me with. I hated it back then. If they would only know how much I love the name and the irony of it now.
Time goes by and I get even more used to being a guy, albeit slowly and painfully... Bullying finally ends when I got fed up and started to beat them up, who ever dared to touch me got to taste their own medicine. Girly stuff stayed in the back burner until my twenties when I picked up goth style clothing as a thing for myself. Goth's can be very androgynous and that gave me perfect reason to wear a skirt. Nobody batted an eye about it. (I still love skirts and should buy some new ones!)
Fast forward into my thirties, The girl inside was there all the way, some times I even looked at me in the mirror and though, oh boy would I look great if I had female breasts, soon to shrug it off as a fantasy and just laugh about it. Until life took me in such situation that my weight lifting hobby and hard job at construction finally snapped my wrists, my carpal tunnel syndrome went horrible. Luckily my job ended and I got the time to reflect and recover. It was a huge hit on my manhood, to find out that I have a health issue which kills my strength, doesn't allow me to lift weights for a while or never again. Having always had issues fitting into the male role this made me thinks. I guess its a timely thing to reflect on ones life and look back, +30 years give some perspective and bit of experience so I took my time staying out of jobs other than doing music, I spent a lot of time hiking, fishing, meditating, thinking...
And then it just hit me like a sledgehammer, the root cause of many problems and weirdness in my life. And that is that my mind is that of a woman, or actually something in between, I'm bit of both, but definitely not an ordinary man. On the mental side that is. It was crazy, pieces of the puzzle that is my odd as heck life just snapped in place. I knew right away that this is something I must act upon if I wish to live a happy life. Not that I would have much to complain about, I had a safe mostly nice childhood, very troubled youth, tons of cool experience in the music scene, with girls, seeing bit of the world, I wasn't in dept, not rich, but not poor either and I am quite free to do as I please. I have no children yet. Not by choice, but by the weird way life goes. But I knew that there's more to this and I can sure be happier. So I started to look into how express my female side in a meaningful way and decided that right now I will become the high priest and the grand architect of my body and mind and change my life into what I am really about. Screw what others think, I want to express myself and be myself without asking for acceptance of others or living by the expectations.
I've always been a black sheep, a rebel and anarchist, the one who sticks out from the crowd and gets punched first and that's me, I ain't gonna back down and kiss asses, I'm gonna live out the rest of my days here the way I please. And this decision has took me far and I got to admit, the last two years have been such turbulent but generally happy time for me, I do not regret a second.
Where does the road take me, that I do not know, but where ever that is, I'll be wearing a bra when I hit that road and do so with a smile, come hell or high water.
Who's Larissa?
I said on my intro to write a bit about me, so here we go. Perhaps it'll be more than just a bit, I tend to be quite open about things, some times even too much. As I mentioned being on a DIY hrt program and having people come ask about it in private, I thought perhaps this thread will shed some light on my reasoning and why am I here speaking about bras and stuff. ? Don't worry, I wont go into details about the stuff I'm on, anyone who's curious can private message me and ask about it, I'll gladly talk about it.
I don't like to label people, myself included, but as it clears up things a bit, I'll repeat it here that I consider myself a gender fluid MtF person being more of a woman than a man in the way my mind works and how my personality is like. So there you have it, the rest you can find out by getting to know me better. ?
I noticed in an early age that I'm not quite like other boys are. Back in late 80's when I was four to five years old I remember having a lot of thoughts of feeling kind of alien in my body, often stopping what I was doing to ask myself, who am I? What am I? What the heck I'm doing in a body of a young boy? Those questions came out of nowhere and they kind of scared me to bits as I had difficulty understanding why am I suddenly living as a young kid and that in boys body. I do not have any explanation for this, nothing that could make sense more than perhaps I was supposed to be a girl and somehow I ended up in this life being a boy. You read me right, I may have such beliefs many others don't and I base it all on my personal experience on things I can't explain. But that's enough about this.
I had never difficulty playing with girls and boys alike, the name of the game just changing depending on with whom I was. My mother allowed me to play what ever I wished so when I was kid I got to be the girl inside as much as I wished to. Interest in women's clothes also sparked about that time quite naturally, I did that in secret for the longest time, never getting caught and feeling a bit guilty about it.
Later on I started to little bit get used to being a boy, but got into tons of trouble when school started. I was very girly, gentle and super nice, quite emotional and easily offended. I didn't know how to defend myself as nobody had taught me that. I instead took a beating rather than stand up for myself and this lead to more bullying. At fourth grade I picked up playing drums as I fell in love with heavy metal, of course I wanted to grow my hair long. I wanted to be just like my 80's thrash metal idols were and secretly that long girly hair felt so awesome. I got bullied for that badly, for being over all very feminine, looking back I was totally one of the girls, no doubt about it. That's how my female name came to be, Larissa... They just added few letters to my name to make it into a girls name to bully me with. I hated it back then. If they would only know how much I love the name and the irony of it now.
Time goes by and I get even more used to being a guy, albeit slowly and painfully... Bullying finally ends when I got fed up and started to beat them up, who ever dared to touch me got to taste their own medicine. Girly stuff stayed in the back burner until my twenties when I picked up goth style clothing as a thing for myself. Goth's can be very androgynous and that gave me perfect reason to wear a skirt. Nobody batted an eye about it. (I still love skirts and should buy some new ones!)
Fast forward into my thirties, The girl inside was there all the way, some times I even looked at me in the mirror and though, oh boy would I look great if I had female breasts, soon to shrug it off as a fantasy and just laugh about it. Until life took me in such situation that my weight lifting hobby and hard job at construction finally snapped my wrists, my carpal tunnel syndrome went horrible. Luckily my job ended and I got the time to reflect and recover. It was a huge hit on my manhood, to find out that I have a health issue which kills my strength, doesn't allow me to lift weights for a while or never again. Having always had issues fitting into the male role this made me thinks. I guess its a timely thing to reflect on ones life and look back, +30 years give some perspective and bit of experience so I took my time staying out of jobs other than doing music, I spent a lot of time hiking, fishing, meditating, thinking...
And then it just hit me like a sledgehammer, the root cause of many problems and weirdness in my life. And that is that my mind is that of a woman, or actually something in between, I'm bit of both, but definitely not an ordinary man. On the mental side that is. It was crazy, pieces of the puzzle that is my odd as heck life just snapped in place. I knew right away that this is something I must act upon if I wish to live a happy life. Not that I would have much to complain about, I had a safe mostly nice childhood, very troubled youth, tons of cool experience in the music scene, with girls, seeing bit of the world, I wasn't in dept, not rich, but not poor either and I am quite free to do as I please. I have no children yet. Not by choice, but by the weird way life goes. But I knew that there's more to this and I can sure be happier. So I started to look into how express my female side in a meaningful way and decided that right now I will become the high priest and the grand architect of my body and mind and change my life into what I am really about. Screw what others think, I want to express myself and be myself without asking for acceptance of others or living by the expectations.
I've always been a black sheep, a rebel and anarchist, the one who sticks out from the crowd and gets punched first and that's me, I ain't gonna back down and kiss asses, I'm gonna live out the rest of my days here the way I please. And this decision has took me far and I got to admit, the last two years have been such turbulent but generally happy time for me, I do not regret a second.
Where does the road take me, that I do not know, but where ever that is, I'll be wearing a bra when I hit that road and do so with a smile, come hell or high water.
I have noted the much wanted frontal projection showing up lately, breast buds have got much bigger and outer sideboob is rubbing my arms all the time. They feel like they're on the way and I love it.
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