(02-02-2014, 02:49 AM)ClaraKay Wrote: Everyone has to make a decision at some point whether or not to be honest with your spouse about your sexuality. That holds even if you do nothing, i.e., default to keeping it secret from her.
Of course, if coming out about your gender identity is likely to ruin your marriage, it's best to err on the side of caution. You should ask yourself, what's the upside to disclosure? If it's not going to change anything, why bother?
If there's any sense that you will be accepted for who you truly are by your spouse, it would be a shame if you didn't try to share that part of you with her. On the other hand, if you doubt she would be tolerant, much less accepting, I would not risk disclosure, at least for now.
Good luck, Scott.
Clara 
Thanks as always for the advise Clara. For the first part, we have a VERY open and honest sexual relationship. Much of this even goes back to when we were dating 20+ years ago. I don't have many secrets that she doesn't know about, and in regards to my recent sexuality awareness I'm slowly letting it be known, kinda drip feeding it a little at a time. Though alot of this she has known about for years.
As for ruining the marriage, I can't think of anything that would. We've been through twelve years of military service, major illness twice, marriage counseling twice and each time we've come out stronger. She's already accepted what I've presented her with so far, so my feelings is that she will be willing to accept more. However, I have a feeling she may set some limits, but only time will tell.
Ironically we were talking about a possible promotion for me coming up at work, and she blurted out that if I didn't get it I could claim sexual and age discrimination since I'm over forty and not fully a man!
So it's little torts back from her that are increasing my comfort level with disclosure.
(02-02-2014, 02:23 AM)flamesabers Wrote: It reminds me of how a woman may buy a dildo just to make her husband think twice before pestering her for anal sex again.
There is a third option I think: She's suspicious about your girly side and wants to see how far you're willing to let thing go.
Well oddly enough this is something we both enjoy and from both angles, giving and receiving!
As for option three, never thought of that, but in my current state of mind the sky's the limit. I must say I've been much happier since I've "awakened" to what is inside of me, and the whole family has noticed that I seem to be a different person. I've taken that same attitude to work with me, and it's certainly helped to a degree there as well (though I'd still love to just quit the day job and be a stay at home parent).
(02-02-2014, 04:42 AM)doodlebug2055 Wrote: CK makes a good point Scotti. My suggestion was based on the assumption that you HAVE already disclosed a fair amount to her or that you think she will react positively. I probably shouldn't have said that without first knowing more about your relationship. I certainly wouldn't risk a big fight or possible fracture in your relationship if you have a gut feeling that it wont go well. However, I do advocate total disclosure to your spouse even if it takes years to accomplish. Only you know what the right path is.
Thanks Doodle. I've only started spoon feeding her some of this a few months ago, and the reaction has only been positive. And yes, you would not have know how much I've discussed with her or our relationship, so your comments were appropriate.
I don't want to say our marriage is bullet proof, but at times it certainly seems that way!
