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An emotional few days

#41

Bryony as follows,

Can you give more info on your personal experiences? E.g.

- level of anxiety without taking any herbs at all
as far as breast growth fixation concerned, intense,



- intensity of need to crossdress
not much. never has been,

- how much PM needed on its own to suppress these feelings and libido
2500mg suppresses feelings, but libido very high, but more normal,

- how long androease took to work
2 weeks

- how long you took it for
6 weeks

Ok ?
Julie
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#42

(10-11-2011, 05:06 PM)julieTG Wrote:  Bryony as follows,

Can you give more info on your personal experiences? E.g.

- level of anxiety without taking any herbs at all
as far as breast growth fixation concerned, intense,

- intensity of need to crossdress
not much. never has been,

- how much PM needed on its own to suppress these feelings and libido
2500mg suppresses feelings, but libido very high, but more normal,

- how long androease took to work
2 weeks

- how long you took it for
6 weeks

Ok ?
Julie

Thanks for that Julie, it's interesting.
What I meant by anxiety wasn't so much obsessing about gender issues, but how it affected my outlook on the world; fear about the way world political dynamics are shaping up; the global economy and the way wealth is moving East, and what that means for my kids; what happens if I died in an accident? How would my family cope? Will they get jobs? How much lifespan do I have left?

Yes, it sounds daft doesn't it? I now realise that all this stuff is caused by my gender mismatch. While I'm on 3g of PM a day, it all goes away.

I find my obsessing is almost totally linked to my libido too. At 3g per day, I no longer feel the need. It can be stimulated though, so it is probably more like a female's libido in the non-fertile phase of her cycle. I assume what you mean by "more normal" you mean like a man's normal? Does Androease give you a libido like the one I described? I.e. take it or leave it, a glass of wine is a good alternative? Smile

Thanks,

B.x
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#43

(10-11-2011, 05:37 PM)bryony Wrote:  ... a glass of wine is a good alternative? Smile

Now you are starting to sound like Chrissie. Do not start drinking Reisling or you will turn into Chrissie

Big Grin

Beverley

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#44

Right , ok yes, anxiety
Correct has diminished levels, things that would have sent me into fits of rage etc, I now go, oh well, ok move on

Unheard off


Julie

Rolleyes
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#45

(10-11-2011, 12:17 PM)bryony Wrote:  The way it seems to me is that I've never had the driving force to be a woman, just that I wish that I had been born one.

That, plus probably my age, makes it immaterial to me how I present whilst I am calmed. All I really want to do now is get on with my (non sex-related) hobbies!

That first part is EXACTLY how I've felt all my life. I've tried so many times to explain it to people and I've never been convinced that they really understood it, so thank you for that.
My only problem is with the second part - I also want to get on with my hobbies, but I seem to have lost the 'oomph' to do it, so I just sit and stare at them instead! That's partly why I was wondering about a way to keep the boobs but get back a part of the maleness...oh well, can't win 'em all I guess.Sad
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#46

I am struck by how different we all are. I read the stuff on Dr Vitale's website and I fit her TS type III almost perfectly, but all these bad tempers and rages that some of you have (sfem, julieTG, Bryony have mentioned them) are so alien to me. I am no angel - far from it - but for me the mental effects are so much more subtle.

I have simply become a lot more accepting and emotional. Tears come so easily now and I now care about my appearance more than I ever did before. I was never grumpy or bad-tempered, that was never my story and so there are no changes there.

For me PM is about starting my physical and mental transition so that when I see the quacks there is no doubt about where I am going.

Beverley
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#47

(10-11-2011, 06:33 PM)beverley.rose Wrote:  I am struck by how different we all are. I read the stuff on Dr Vitale's website and I fit her TS type III almost perfectly, but all these bad tempers and rages that some of you have (sfem, julieTG, Bryony have mentioned them) are so alien to me. I am no angel - far from it - but for me the mental effects are so much more subtle.

I know what you mean, I've also puzzled about that. I just can't imagine what it must be like being that aggressive on a regular basis, but then again, the PM has had no effect at all on on me, mentally/emotionally, which in some ways seems even stranger.

I must go and look at this website and see what it says about me.
[Edrted to add: Beverley, I've just spent a while looking at her site but I can't find any sort of classification definitions, can you point me in the right direction please?]
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#48

Pansy-Mae

From here http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

Group One (G1) is best described as those natal males who have a high degree of cross-sexed gender identity. In these individuals, we can hypothesize that the prenatal androgenization process--if there was any at all--was minimal, leaving the default female identity intact. Furthermore, the expression of female identity of those individuals appears impossible or very difficult for them to conceal.

Group Two (G2) is composed of natal females who almost universally report a life- long history of rejecting female dress conventions along with, girls' toys and activities, and have a strong distaste for their female secondary sex characteristics. These individuals typically take full advantage of the social permissiveness allowed women in many societies to wear their hair short and dress in loose, gender-neutral clothing. These individuals rarely marry, preferring instead to partner with women who may or may not identify as lesbian. Group Two is the mirror image of Group One.

Group Three (G3) is composed of natal males who identify as female but who act and appear normally male. We can hypothesize that prenatal androgenization was sufficient to allow these individuals to appear and act normally as males but insufficient to establish a firm male gender identity. For these female-identified males, the result is a more complicated and insidious sex/gender discontinuity. Typically, from earliest childhood these individuals suffer increasingly painful and chronic gender dysphoria. They tend to live secretive lives, often making increasingly stronger attempts to convince themselves and others that they are male.


and then, further down, this

The story is very different for Group Three. In the hope of ridding themselves of their dysphoria they tend to invest heavily in typical male activities. Being largely heterosexual, they marry and have children, hold advanced educational degrees and are involved at high levels of corporate and academic cultures. These are the invisible or cloistered gender dysphorics. They develop an aura of deep secrecy based on shame and risk of ridicule and their secret desire to be female is protected at all costs. The risk of being found out adds to the psychological and physiological pressures they experience. Transitioning from this deeply entrenched defensive position is very difficult. The irony here is that gender dysphoric symptoms appear to worsen in direct proportion to their self-enforced entrenchment in the male world. The further an individual gets from believing he can ever live as a female, the more acute and disruptive his dysphoria becomes.

and then this

The situation can become so convoluted that some gender dysphoric men come to therapy wanting, almost desperately, to be told that they are not transsexual. That would be understandable if they were simply confused and wanted to get to the bottom of their problem. Unfortunately, their stated preference here appears to be more a form of avoidance of the fear and complexities involved in transitioning than it is an honest desire to remain men. For example, there are natal males who desperately want to have breasts but say they would be terribly embarrassed to have them show in public. There are others who wince at the thought of having a female name like Janice or Mary or Linda. There are also gender dysphoric males who think that the social behaviors that most differentiate women from men -- are frivolous and unimportant.

Enjoy...

Beverley
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#49

(10-11-2011, 06:33 PM)beverley.rose Wrote:  I am struck by how different we all are. I read the stuff on Dr Vitale's website and I fit her TS type III almost perfectly, but all these bad tempers and rages that some of you have (sfem, julieTG, Bryony have mentioned them) are so alien to me. I am no angel - far from it - but for me the mental effects are so much more subtle.

I have simply become a lot more accepting and emotional. Tears come so easily now and I now care about my appearance more than I ever did before. I was never grumpy or bad-tempered, that was never my story and so there are no changes there.

For me PM is about starting my physical and mental transition so that when I see the quacks there is no doubt about where I am going.

Beverley

Hmm... I definitely said grumpy, but not a peep about rage ! Smile

I think that 10 year difference between is all the difference. My grumpiness is/was a result of a lifetime of bottling up and secrecy. As for tears, I've been blubbing for _ages_ probably started when I noticed my little boy was growing up and I missed him being a toddler (he's 29 now!) Smile

B.x

PS Type III? Is that the Benjamin scale? I would have thought V for you - I've got me down as a IV!
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#50

(10-11-2011, 08:31 PM)bryony Wrote:  PS Type III? Is that the Benjamin scale? I would have thought V for you - I've got me down as a IV!

See http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

Beverley
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