ok well if this helps ?

just accept yourself as Trans ? something,

and say to yourself ok one day I may transition and may not,

but accept it ,

it takes a HUGE release of shoulders,

denial seems to make things so much worse,

I was always convince it was a sexual kink ,

Nope Im trans and its how I deal with it,

x



Julie

So true Jules, im definitely in the same boat. Im beginning just to accept it as it is.

I too like the idea of the point of no return, crazy as it sounds.

Not crazy at all  
when i first started the whole point of no return idea was like a dream come true, and while later when I decided to legally start transitioning I was Really looking forward to Psychs telling that I had to live Full Time for a year as part of my transition.
it was like I was seeking permission or someone else go-ahead.

the thing they Both have in common is that Both scenarious remove to some degree the Personaly responsibility of it.

well i was just experimenting with herbs a little bit, and there was a runaway reaction and now it`s taking me all the way!!!!
or i`m only doing it because the Doctor told me I had to!

both absolve you from owning your true nature.

if it`s any consolation, Accepting it as Julie said will go a long way to bringing you inner peace.

Namaste. xx

Wise words from beautiful Katie there


There is indeed this ducking of responsibilty,

ie Im transitioning. my therapist said I should,

or

I should be on HRT, my therapist said it was a good idea

or

Im prescribed HRT now, its validation,

or

My wife bought me some female work shirts or blouses , I should wear them


All heady stuff


x



Julie

All very valid points guys, as many of you have said I wanted to just be a little more fem, and or cure that inner voice. Well, I can tell you for me the inner voice got worse with pm and bo. You would think after growing small breasts, boy bits shirking it b enough, but instead you crave more. It becomes very addictive.

Very


X

Julie

YES ! An addiction that is reinforced with the intake of hormones while we want to remain a man. This is so exciting that we become sterile and impotent. The pleasure of feeling feminized is so strong that you jump on the other side of the barrier. The excitement is always present and crazy my senses ...

Sorry for me butting in.....  I must be a freak on this forum....

The only thing PM did for me was put a little fat where boobs should be, oh, and there was a little glandular growth but not much.  It did "still" the inner demon in the fact that it gave me a chance to prove or disprove what I was.

Maybe it's what my Therapist says I am.....   Dual Gendered, Two Spirit.  But I can say with a fair amount of certainty that I don't want to fully convert.  It's no different now, than it was 10- 12 yrs ago....  Maybe that's why I call myself a freak.....  I am both a woman with a penis, and a man with breasts......  And I love it.  I would love it even more when I feel like I can go stealth on either side of the fence and NOT loose my way back.  Maybe that is my substitute for so called demons????

Or maybe it just proves I need more therapy???     LOL

Monsters are the people who judge you ...
Gender identity must be lived, even if it disrupts our life. I am like you, a man with breasts who hopes to succeed in inducing a lactation. Whatever the consequences of this act, the most important thing about me is that it is lived.

I think it's really important that people in these communities give each other space to explore who they are. It's very easy to want to slap a label on things (transgender, crossdresser, autogynephilia, non-binary, etc.) That does serve a purpose, but it can also be limiting.

We've all been repressed by society and that creates lasting wounds. It's easy to take it out on each other. I know I'm bitter and jealous of the young trans women who pass (even before hormones sometimes!). I know that I'd also be jealous of people on Rx hormones if I wasn't able to get them (I still have 2 months before my first doctor appointment! And I'm almost 40).

One quick thing about AG, it does have a very sad history in the trans community. I'm not here to word police or anything like that, but if anyone would like to know more about this, Julia Serano writes about this in her book "Whipping Girl" and more recently here:
http://www.juliaserano.com/av/Serano-CaseAgainstAutogynephilia.pdf

One thing I do not understand. Surely, if this was a sexual thing then once the hormones and the AA's took effect, then the desire would drop ??
I have zero sex drive, it takes a lot of effort to even make him wake up, and i get no enjoyment from it at all.

You're assuming the people doing the studies/treatments actually care about transgender people.