It's a whole new ballgame when you decide to go full-time, right Annie?

Clara

And how!

I answered Sammie privately, but some of what I said may bear rehashing.

I was in a possibly unique situation in opting to 'jump in with both feet'. With no CD experience, jumping straight in as full time female was the only sensible way to go, and the easiest not the bravest option. But for most people it will be very different and much more difficult. The problem with my option was that it landed me tackling the issue of spousal relationship head on, and believe me, it is a major issue, the complexities of which I am still very far from understanding adequately. My progress so far has not been without some serious mistakes.

When I came out to my DW, I presented her with a written explanation of the situation as I saw it, and she tells me that she is working on a complementary explanation, written of course from her point of view. This I'm sure will be helpful, if not in providing a solution, at least in providing some sort of road map for navigating our relationship. She feels BTW that depersonalized versions of our explanations might be made available to other couples in the same position so that they can obtain a better idea of what they are getting into if the trans partner goes 'full time'.

The real problem is that with us 'late onset' types we have typically been married for very many years and have grown families. This is not an ideal landscape for transition, but once the TS genie is out of the bottle, you will be grossly dysphoric until you do take the plunge, which doesn't make it any easier. The problems are real, and far too many people fail to solve them. I live in hope that we can find our way through this wood, and I so much hope and wish the same for others that find themselves in the same difficult but sometimes wonderful position. Any relationship requires care and maintenance, but in the transgender situation we are trying to deal with EARTHQUAKE damage

Hi Annie,
I think the SO acceptance factor has a lot to do with the place that the relationship holds in your mate's life. I think many wives see their marriages as a reflection of themselves and how it affects their place in society. Anything that fundamentally changes how their marriage is perceived to the outside world is going to be viewed with much concern.

Other wives see their marriages as primarily a manifestation of the mutual love and devotion they share with their husband. Gender transition may or may not change the nature of that relationship. Clearly, the sexual side of the relationship is put at risk, but where that doesn't play an important part in the union, it's possible for the relationship to survive, and even thrive.

I put my marriage in this latter group. After 33 years of marriage and both of us getting up in age, physical attractiveness is no longer the glue that holds our marriage together. It's the deeper sense of a shared existence, trust, and love that is most significant in maintaining the bond. As such, my gender transition has not threatened to tear us apart. If anything, I'd say it has strengthened those bonds.

Clara

It's a whole new ballgame when you decide to go full-time, right Annie?

Clara

And how!

I answered Sammie privately, but some of what I said may bear rehashing.

I was in a possibly unique situation in opting to 'jump in with both feet'. With no CD experience, jumping straight in as full time female was the only sensible way to go, and the easiest not the bravest option. But for most people it will be very different and much more difficult. The problem with my option was that it landed me tackling the issue of spousal relationship head on, and believe me, it is a major issue, the complexities of which I am still very far from understanding adequately. My progress so far has not been without some serious mistakes.

When I came out to my DW, I presented her with a written explanation of the situation as I saw it, and she tells me that she is working on a complementary explanation, written of course from her point of view. This I'm sure will be helpful, if not in providing a solution, at least in providing some sort of road map for navigating our relationship. She feels BTW that depersonalized versions of our explanations might be made available to other couples in the same position so that they can obtain a better idea of what they are getting into if the trans partner goes 'full time'.

The real problem is that with us 'late onset' types we have typically been married for very many years and have grown families. This is not an ideal landscape for transition, but once the TS genie is out of the bottle, you will be grossly dysphoric until you do take the plunge, which doesn't make it any easier. The problems are real, and far too many people fail to solve them. I live in hope that we can find our way through this wood, and I so much hope and wish the same for others that find themselves in the same difficult but sometimes wonderful position. Any relationship requires care and maintenance, but in the transgender situation we are trying to deal with EARTHQUAKE damage

Annie Im so much younger than you and Im still OLD!!! No offense meant either Im just proud and happy for you knowing your finally being real Good luck

Annie Im so much younger than you and Im still OLD!!! No offense meant either Im just proud and happy for you knowing your finally being real Good luck

I really appreciate that from somebody that has achieved as much as you have - and in seemingly an even more remote location than myself so far as access to facilities is concerned, and perhaps neck color? A great deal seems to depend on one's own attitude. If you are able not to give a damn what the world thinks, then the world seems to accept you as you are. I hope my luck and your luck hold, but wish that discussion wit my O&O was less full of pitfalls.

Thanks Annie but really "rednecks" aren't so bad... People are the SAME where ever you go... Its nice the way they treat you very respectful and call you Mam

Im going off to Boston to see the BIG $$$ facial feminization doc tomorrow Yet Im just a simple girl at heart but still I dont take no shit from anyone either

Im sure you have the same thick skin to start that eventually smooths out in time

Hi Annie,
I think the SO acceptance factor has a lot to do with the place that the relationship holds in your mate's life. I think many wives see their marriages as a reflection of themselves and how it affects their place in society. Anything that fundamentally changes how their marriage is perceived to the outside world is going to be viewed with much concern.

Other wives see their marriages as primarily a manifestation of the mutual love and devotion they share with their husband. Gender transition may or may not change the nature of that relationship. Clearly, the sexual side of the relationship is put at risk, but where that doesn't play an important part in the union, it's possible for the relationship to survive, and even thrive.

I put my marriage in this latter group. After 33 years of marriage and both of us getting up in age, physical attractiveness is no longer the glue that holds our marriage together. It's the deeper sense of a shared existence, trust, and love that is most significant in maintaining the bond. As such, my gender transition has not threatened to tear us apart. If anything, I'd say it has strengthened those bonds.

Clara

On the face of it, I would put our marriage in the same category as you put yours. Our 35th anniversary was on January 26, but we had been good friends for more than 17 years before we married. It is in discussing the situation that we run into problems. One example tending to result in a very strong rift between us is my saying that she (J) is trying to dominate Annabel (Annie) by buying , making and driving my (Annie's) clothes without much input from me, Annie. She on the other hand asks how she can look after me if I won't do what she tells me, which strikes me as being the other side of th same coin. One problem here is that my peripheral neuropathy has been causing me some severe foot pain, about which our PCP seems to be able to do no more than re-recommend things which have already proved to do more harm than good, and promising a referral to a neurologist, which I can't imagine happening quickly. I didn't even manage to extract a new prescription for Tylenol 3, which does give some relief.

Enough moaning.

Status update...Stardate...lol...oh forget it...giggle
My wife knows, and recently saw me dressed f2f for the first time. She was great! It went really well. So now, if I am going out, changing at home is okay and accepted without problem.
My son knows. He took it as easily as if I had said I was going to get a tattoo. Conversation took all of five minutes and he was already moving on to discussing a new tv show he liked...go figure...it just wasnt a big deal to him. My daughter still doesnt know but as she is away at school most of the time, that bridge can wait a little longer.
My boss and the VP know where I work, and were awesome...my boss said "we are family...we will get through this" I got through the meeting and got into the car...got a block away and had to pull over and cry. He also said, when I am ready, he will hire a TG counselor to meet with the rest of the staff and prep them.
I am gradually coming out to a small group of friends. So far (knock on wood) not one bad reaction.
Day by day.
Getting all excited about Keystone in a week or so...can't wait to see everyone. Yay!
Here are some recent pics...kind of running together now, the different times I am out.

and a couple more just for you girls...lol (are you paying attention, Rascal?) giggle

and a couple more just for you girls...lol (are you paying attention, Rascal?) giggle

I m , I m , ya cheeky mare

Status update...Stardate...lol...oh forget it...giggle
My wife knows, and recently saw me dressed f2f for the first time. She was great! It went really well. So now, if I am going out, changing at home is okay and accepted without problem.
My son knows. He took it as easily as if I had said I was going to get a tattoo. Conversation took all of five minutes and he was already moving on to discussing a new tv show he liked...go figure...it just wasnt a big deal to him. My daughter still doesnt know but as she is away at school most of the time, that bridge can wait a little longer.
My boss and the VP know where I work, and were awesome...my boss said "we are family...we will get through this" I got through the meeting and got into the car...got a block away and had to pull over and cry. He also said, when I am ready, he will hire a TG counselor to meet with the rest of the staff and prep them.
I am gradually coming out to a small group of friends. So far (knock on wood) not one bad reaction.
Day by day.
Getting all excited about Keystone in a week or so...can't wait to see everyone. Yay!
Here are some recent pics...kind of running together now, the different times I am out.

Looks likes its all falling in place for you .
You got most understanding family and employer .
Wishing you all the best