12-11-2011, 02:33 AM
Hi Chrissie,
When I use the term, it is to discuss the situation where I, presenting as a genetic male, temporarily don the clothing of a woman. According to Dr Vitale, this is one of the ways that gender anxiety is relieved when the brain senses the testosterone level is "too high" for a female. Now that you are living the life that your brain expects, cross-dressing no longer means that to you. In your case, it would be wearing men's clothing. It's just terminology
That's great! If I was single, no kids, and had the money to make myself look acceptable, that's what I would do.
I've come to the conclusion that by accepting the need for feminising hormones, pretty much indefinitely, I have come out. The question is, do I need to dress as a female, put on the makeup, and change my name to feel sorted?
My theory, and I admit I am new to this, but I'm a damn good researcher, is that part of coming out requires the use of female hormones, and this is the key part to relieving the "pressure cooker". By adjusting the hormone levels, you adjust the mental balance. All else is just fashion.
As far as I'm concerned, I can quite easily take the role of a female play-acting the part of a male for an extended period.
As I've said earlier, clothing is merely the means by which we hide our nakedness, and need not define us. How did cavemen express their masculinity or feminity, or the tribes in Africa and South America that run around in loin cloths? With breasts and penises of course. Well, it looks like I'm going to have both, and with my hormone levels adjusted, I'll have the ability to play-act my role without self-destructing.
Think of Elizabethan times. Shakespeare's female parts could not be played by women - it wasn't allowed. So Juliet had to be played by a young lad. With me it's the other way around. In my mind, I'm Juliet, and with PM, I'm now comfortable with that. It's just that I will now be playing Romeo for the forseeable future. (Perhaps Agatha Christie's "Mousetrap" would have been a better analogy.
)
But the real kicker is this. I can pass as a man. I've been doing a reasonable job all my life. (as long as people didn't realise what a softy I was and how easily I cried) But as a woman I would be U-G-L-Y. I would look like like I had been beaten with the original ugly stick.
(We're of an age so you've probably seen the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" What kind of a job do you think Charles Laughton could have done playing Esmerelda?)
So, even if I could persuade my family to accept me as a woman, and climbed that Everest, I would not be able to climb the Mons Olympus of being able to look in the mirror at myself without either cracking up with laughter or cracking the mirror in disgust!
I would not even give it a microsecond's consideration without FFS which is not available on the NHS. And all that for how many years before I go into the knacker's yard? To me, it's just not worth it.
That's the question I will put to my kids when/if my breasts get large enough for them to notice. I'll explain the reason for the past 15 years of gradual decline and how rebalancing my hormone levels has sorted my brain out. My wife agrees that I couldn't be expected to go back to not taking them for this reason (my original plan with her was to get small boobs, not noticeable to the kids, and go on to maintenance), and, although he doesn't know why yet, my son has noticed the marked improvement in my personality, so when he eventually gets the explanation he will be in a good position to understand.
However, I will reassure them that it is the only change they will have to deal with, (Dad's not going to suddenly look like Widow Twankey) and, if they prefer, I will get a double mastectomy. I really hope and expect that they would not want me to go through potentially dangerous surgery for the sake of appearances, especially as so many men get "moobs" through obesity, drink, drugs, plastics, xenoestrogens etc nowadays. After all, there's a chance that you won't wake up from any operation - look at Olvia Goldsmith... never woke up from the liposuction op - vanity can kill.
I'm pretty sure that you won't agree with this perspective, because you have found your solution, and it works for you, and many others, so it must be tempting to think that it will work for all transsexuals.
But, as I said before, I'd rather be a dead husband/parent than an estranged husband/parent. We are very close and loving, and I would not be able to live a happy life by myself, however fulfilled physically that would make me. I would just be moving the reason for contemplating suicide from one part of my life to another! And to make the decision to live as a woman would risk that, and I'm not prepared to take that risk under any circumstances.
Believe it or not, Chrissie, I have found this very forum a brilliant support group. I found out about PM, I then discovered it sorted my head out, I found Julies' reference to Anne Vitali, I went to her web site, discovered after many decades that I am indeed a transsexual, not a TV, and, being an extremely logical and rational person, have worked out the via media of the rest of my life. I honestly feel that the pressure has been released from the cooker, and the only reason that I am still here is because I enjoy chatting with you wonderful people!
If you want further proof, compare the confident tone expressed in this posting with my earlier ones - you can search for them all - and look at the anxiety I was expressing in them, unsure what to do, worried about my kidneys, relationships etc. The anxiety is all gone now. Sorted. Rejoice!
I don't say my decision will work for anyone else, and wouldn't necessarily recommend it.
TTFN
B. xxx
(12-11-2011, 01:31 AM)chrissie Wrote: The idea, when I read through these threads, that I found hardest, to comprehend, is of crossdressing. I do not cross dress; I have no desire to crossdress.
When I use the term, it is to discuss the situation where I, presenting as a genetic male, temporarily don the clothing of a woman. According to Dr Vitale, this is one of the ways that gender anxiety is relieved when the brain senses the testosterone level is "too high" for a female. Now that you are living the life that your brain expects, cross-dressing no longer means that to you. In your case, it would be wearing men's clothing. It's just terminology
(12-11-2011, 01:31 AM)chrissie Wrote: This thread started with my revulsion at wearing trousers. I dress as the woman I am, passage. To me, PM has liberateted me, to be me. Befpre coming out, I never felt a great need to cross-dress. What I did feel, was an overwhelming desire, to live as a woman. When I started to take PM, it was in the hope that it would create a situation, where I had one choce; to live as a woman and it has worked. Now I live a life that is more fullfiled, than I knew possible.
That's great! If I was single, no kids, and had the money to make myself look acceptable, that's what I would do.
(12-11-2011, 01:31 AM)chrissie Wrote: Coming out is terrifyingly hard. The problem is that, it is an immovable force of nature; to resist, courts disaster. This is why I am strongly of the view, that the sooner it is confronted, the better; to suppress it, in the end, will cause more problems, that it cures; in particular, when it has gone as far as taking PM.
I've come to the conclusion that by accepting the need for feminising hormones, pretty much indefinitely, I have come out. The question is, do I need to dress as a female, put on the makeup, and change my name to feel sorted?
My theory, and I admit I am new to this, but I'm a damn good researcher, is that part of coming out requires the use of female hormones, and this is the key part to relieving the "pressure cooker". By adjusting the hormone levels, you adjust the mental balance. All else is just fashion.
As far as I'm concerned, I can quite easily take the role of a female play-acting the part of a male for an extended period.
As I've said earlier, clothing is merely the means by which we hide our nakedness, and need not define us. How did cavemen express their masculinity or feminity, or the tribes in Africa and South America that run around in loin cloths? With breasts and penises of course. Well, it looks like I'm going to have both, and with my hormone levels adjusted, I'll have the ability to play-act my role without self-destructing.
Think of Elizabethan times. Shakespeare's female parts could not be played by women - it wasn't allowed. So Juliet had to be played by a young lad. With me it's the other way around. In my mind, I'm Juliet, and with PM, I'm now comfortable with that. It's just that I will now be playing Romeo for the forseeable future. (Perhaps Agatha Christie's "Mousetrap" would have been a better analogy.
)But the real kicker is this. I can pass as a man. I've been doing a reasonable job all my life. (as long as people didn't realise what a softy I was and how easily I cried) But as a woman I would be U-G-L-Y. I would look like like I had been beaten with the original ugly stick.
(We're of an age so you've probably seen the "Hunchback of Notre Dame" What kind of a job do you think Charles Laughton could have done playing Esmerelda?)
So, even if I could persuade my family to accept me as a woman, and climbed that Everest, I would not be able to climb the Mons Olympus of being able to look in the mirror at myself without either cracking up with laughter or cracking the mirror in disgust!
I would not even give it a microsecond's consideration without FFS which is not available on the NHS. And all that for how many years before I go into the knacker's yard? To me, it's just not worth it.
(12-11-2011, 01:31 AM)chrissie Wrote: Is it better to have a transsexual parent, or a dead one; just look at the suicide statistics?
That's the question I will put to my kids when/if my breasts get large enough for them to notice. I'll explain the reason for the past 15 years of gradual decline and how rebalancing my hormone levels has sorted my brain out. My wife agrees that I couldn't be expected to go back to not taking them for this reason (my original plan with her was to get small boobs, not noticeable to the kids, and go on to maintenance), and, although he doesn't know why yet, my son has noticed the marked improvement in my personality, so when he eventually gets the explanation he will be in a good position to understand.
However, I will reassure them that it is the only change they will have to deal with, (Dad's not going to suddenly look like Widow Twankey) and, if they prefer, I will get a double mastectomy. I really hope and expect that they would not want me to go through potentially dangerous surgery for the sake of appearances, especially as so many men get "moobs" through obesity, drink, drugs, plastics, xenoestrogens etc nowadays. After all, there's a chance that you won't wake up from any operation - look at Olvia Goldsmith... never woke up from the liposuction op - vanity can kill.
I'm pretty sure that you won't agree with this perspective, because you have found your solution, and it works for you, and many others, so it must be tempting to think that it will work for all transsexuals.
But, as I said before, I'd rather be a dead husband/parent than an estranged husband/parent. We are very close and loving, and I would not be able to live a happy life by myself, however fulfilled physically that would make me. I would just be moving the reason for contemplating suicide from one part of my life to another! And to make the decision to live as a woman would risk that, and I'm not prepared to take that risk under any circumstances.
(12-11-2011, 01:31 AM)chrissie Wrote: This is like a pressure cooker and, unless you release the pressure, something will give. This is why I am such an advocate of support groups.
Believe it or not, Chrissie, I have found this very forum a brilliant support group. I found out about PM, I then discovered it sorted my head out, I found Julies' reference to Anne Vitali, I went to her web site, discovered after many decades that I am indeed a transsexual, not a TV, and, being an extremely logical and rational person, have worked out the via media of the rest of my life. I honestly feel that the pressure has been released from the cooker, and the only reason that I am still here is because I enjoy chatting with you wonderful people!
If you want further proof, compare the confident tone expressed in this posting with my earlier ones - you can search for them all - and look at the anxiety I was expressing in them, unsure what to do, worried about my kidneys, relationships etc. The anxiety is all gone now. Sorted. Rejoice!
I don't say my decision will work for anyone else, and wouldn't necessarily recommend it.
TTFN
B. xxx
