[Pansy-Mae]

Hmm. Well, the Vitale paper on "Testosterone Toxicity" leads me to suppose that you could try something to temporarily boost your testosterone. What about Pueraria Butea?

Appreciate the thought, thanks, but since the quack has already got me on Alfuzosin and Finasteride to help the prostate, I don't think that adding more testosterone is going to be productive in that direction. Good thought though.

[bryony]

Hmm. Well, the Vitale paper on "Testosterone Toxicity" leads me to suppose that you could try something to temporarily boost your testosterone. What about Pueraria Butea?

Appreciate the thought, thanks, but since the quack has already got me on Alfuzosin and Finasteride to help the prostate, I don't think that adding more testosterone is going to be productive in that direction. Good thought though.

Ah, I see. Well, Finasteride would explain why it takes so long for the effects of PM to wear off!

Bummer! I think it's another hobby for you....

B.x

[sfem]

Although I identify myself as being NOT TS, I have been disappointed that my need to cross-dress has evaporated now that I actually have something to give the right shape to female clothes.

However looking into myself more deeply I have recently been able to put things into perspective, and although I have lost the NEED to CROSS-DRESS, I have not lost the pleasure of wearing 'female' clothing, it just no longer feels like 'female' clothing, just 'clothing'.

Like most folks of either gender, I don't want to look like a freak and get stared and pointed at, and my face and head doesn't fit the rest of my female look, so I dress to suit the occasion. If I'm around the house, I can and do wear ...
.
.
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I've always been comfortable with what and who I am. Even back when I was in my early pubescent teens, sneaking into mothers/sisters clothes when I got chance never felt 'wrong', even if I was scared of getting caught! So in that sense I have always embraced it and enjoyed it.

Disappointed because I always wanted a female figure to be able to wear the clothes I enjoyed wearing, and now I have it (almost) I no longer get the same pleasure as I did before from the female clothes - as I said before, now they are simply 'clothes'. I may have a contentment with the shape of my body but I've lost that sense of pleasure.

The one thing I would say very definitely is that nothing was controlling me against my will...it was always simply a part of me and I enjoyed it.

I can really identify with this. Actually, with much of what has been in this thread. It is interesting to see how our views change as we change. I will add my voice to those who feel they weren't so much controlled by this, as influenced by it. I think every choice I made was indeed a choice freely made. Not all of them were probably in my best interests, but so be it.

[bryony]

I can really identify with this. Actually, with much of what has been in this thread. It is interesting to see how our views change as we change. I will add my voice to those who feel they weren't so much controlled by this, as influenced by it. I think every choice I made was indeed a choice freely made. Not all of them were probably in my best interests, but so be it.

Hi Sfem

I think the brain is an extremely complex biochemical organ, at the mercy of the chemicals in our blood at any time. We know that there are drugs to alleviate psychosis, and drugs that can drive us mad.

On a finer level, we rationalise what we do based on low-level drivers which have themselves been formed and continue to develop through the endocrine balance in our bodies; if our conscious mind is happy and agrees with those desires, all well and good.

For others, like me, possible due to being born of an earlier generation, sometimes those subconscious urges conflict with conscious needs and desires, and the terminology of "being controlled" by them is sometimes used.

At that point the choice is either to modify the conscious desires to accept the drivers, or modify the drivers. We have found that a side-effect of taking PM for breast enlargement modifies the low-level desires of some people.

Fortunately for some (me) but not for others!

Obviously my talk of "being controlled" was more of a personal view than a general one. I certainly did not mean to offend where the drivers did not conflict with conscious desires.

Apologies! No offence intended!

B. x

[sfem]

Oh my goodness. No offense taken, or even noticed. I'm glad you are finding that things are working to your benefit.

[Pansy-Mae]

Bryony,

Just to reassure you, as sfem also said, I wasn't in the least offended by your 'controlling' reference. We all can only really speak for ourselves and try to find the best way to express very complex ideas in as few words as possible. One of the really great things about the folks in this little corner of the net is that nobody ever gets nasty or offensive, even if we don't always entirely agree with each other.

I was slightly amused ( bemused?) by your comment regarding you being of an earlier generation. I'm fairly sure I recently saw you give your age in a post, in which case I'm actually about 4 years older than you and Chrissie is of a similar vintage. I may wrong but I don't think there are many of us on here who have yet to see 40. I'm sure there is a generation effect, indeed I've said so myself in the past, but I suspect there may be an even bigger one associated with family background and upbringing, as much as simply 'signs of the times'.

[bryony]

Thanks all!

B.

[beverley.rose]

One of the really great things about the folks in this little corner of the net is that nobody ever gets nasty or offensive, even if we don't always entirely agree with each other.

I spend time in TS groups rather than TV groups and one of the things I have noticed is that with TS folk, none of them are stupid. The average intelligence level in such a group is way above the societal 'norm' and these groups are 'infested' with doctors, lawyers, engineers, etc. The other noticeable attribute of these groups is the amazingly high level of tolerance shown and it is true tolerance, not some form of politically correct stance.

Attending these events is an utter pleasure - polite, stimulating and insightful conversation with genuinely nice people.

Beverley

[dargona]

TV is something completely different and I can't fully understand their motives and direction, even though I have fantasied about dressing in women's clothing I think it was for a different subset of reasons. I don't personally know any TVs, and honestly I've never met a TS or TV, nevermind a support group for either. I live in and grew up in a pretty small town where the majority are hunters/rednecks/etc. Essentially a town that probably wouldn't understand me

[beverley.rose]

TV is something completely different and I can't fully understand their motives and direction, even though I have fantasied about dressing in women's clothing I think it was for a different subset of reasons. I don't personally know any TVs, and honestly I've never met a TS or TV, nevermind a support group for either.

I was like that myself for many years and when I did meet TVs I found it a very off-putting experience. They were nice enough in their own way but the 'drag queen' variety I found to be very unsettling (for me). I could not identify with them, I could never see me as 'one of them'

I understand now why I felt as I did. It is because, for me, the clothes were merely an assistance in passing - something that helped me be unnoticed whereas the drag-queen TVs were basically screaming 'Notice me!!! Look at me!!! I am outrageous and I love it!!!!!'

The other variety of TV I met was the cling-to-the-table or what-do-mean-go-OUTSIDE-in-a-dress variety which I still do not understand.

The upshot is that after a brief introduction to the TV scene, I never went back there and I never will. TS is different, it is me and how I feel about myself and the body image I want to project and the shape I want to live in and what I am prepared to do to MYSELF to achieve it. I have no concerns what others (strangers) think of me because being TS is my problem, not theirs, and I specifically go out of my way not to draw attention to myself by being as ordinary as I can.

I live in and grew up in a pretty small town where the majority are hunters/rednecks/etc. Essentially a town that probably wouldn't understand me

You know the people there and I do not and you live in a different country too, but here, in England, on the outskirts of a city, I find that people who manage to 'read' me are polite. I have only had one incident where I was getting on the Manchester Metro dressed in my work suit (jacket and skirt, white blouse, court shoes and tights) and a bunch of skinheads were walking past and one yelled 'trannie' at me and then had a laugh with his mates and walked away. I ignored the whole incident. That is the worst abuse I have ever suffered.

I know that worse things can happen, but perhaps you might be surprised by how supportive people can be, especially women. I suppose it depends if you feel the need to 'come out'

Beverley