I will be running out of BO after tomorrow and will be short 2 caps as it is...

Stupid school financial aid was supposed to send me a living expense check almost a month ago and it STILL hasn't gotten here.

I'll probably be running out of most of my supplements before I can replace them.

GRRRR.

Wonderful! I will look into that product if I am dissatisfied with the one I am currently using.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Just remember that your attitude can make or break any situation. Why not go through this process with your head held high, no matter how difficult it may be? I know it it easier said than done, but hold your head high, gorgeous!

People keep saying that... but I honestly can't see it... I can see maybe somewhat cute... but "totally smokin'?" Definitely not. I make a girlish looking guy and a mannish looking girl. Neither of those are what I'd consider hot. Girlish looking guy could be cute... But I'm not a guy. So... What I'm stuck as is a mannish looking girl. Which is ugly.

YOU JUST CALLED ME UGLY. I'M INSULTED. 8(

As for putting beauty products with my herbs... Well... They're close... for the most part. Not quite together though... And it'd be rather difficult to truly keep everything together, because some of the beauty products kinda have to be used in the bathroom, which is a shared space between 4 people. If you can call shaving and hair removal "beauty". To my mind anything related to the fact that I'm a hairy ape is ugly. And even removing the hair still doesn't give me smooth flawless skin. I have the ginormous pores of a hairy ape even when I get waxed. And with shaving or depilatories, I have the little hair ends still left just under the skin. And it doesn't take long before that returns to being full out nasty stubble. It takes a fair bit longer for it to really get long.... but... the damage is already pretty major at the stubble point.

Quit being so hard on yourself. Just remember, there are even girls out there who face this exact problem. *Ahem* No one's perfect, and anyone with naturally darker hair WILL have problems with shaving. Because nothing can hide the hair root that shaving doesn't cut off. There are women out there who shave, shave, shave! Everything, every day. And still can't manage to get it all. It makes me self-conscious, too, but I also learn to live with it and not let it get me too down. You can't change every little thing about your body that you don't like, and in the long run, it's better to love yourself for being the best you that you can be, rather than striving too hard to become someone new.

Good luck with your financial aid check and everything. Waiting on money like that to buy more BE products can definitely be stressful! >.< I hope they send it to you soon!

So... What I'm stuck as is a mannish looking girl. Which is ugly.

YOU JUST CALLED ME UGLY. I'M INSULTED. 8(

YOU ARE SO NOT A MANNISH LOOKING GIRL!

You've got the CUTEST face, girl!

I'm the only ugly one around here...

I grew up in the home of an alcoholic. The support groups for the affected family members of alcoholics have a saying called the "Serenity Prayer." The essential truth to the prayer is asking for strength to change things in your life that you are able to change and asking for wisdom to know what you are not able to change. Because, if you continually bang your head upside the wall against what you cannot change, you will drive yourself bonkers...

That being said:

- Don't beat yourself up over what you have no power to change.

- Put a plan into place to change what you can and PATIENTLY wait for your progresses to unfold. Don't get discouraged by setbacks in your timetable.

- Celebrate every victory, no matter how small.

- Since life is fluid, minor adjustments in your plan are a necessity. Learn to roll with the punches...

You seem somewhat frustrated, hope this may help in some small way.

JTX

Thanks JTX... but that's all so much more easily said than done... And yeah. I'm frustrated with my life right now... Mostly with my inability to pass unquestioned. I am a woman, but no one. NO ONE. Seems able to fully accept that. At least, not those I live around. But there isn't really all that much can be done for it. Doesn't make it any easier for me to bear it.

Apparently earlier today one of my older sisters and her "husband" (they aren't legal and have no plans to be) stopped by and my mom just HAD to talk about me, and they have a daughter also named Abigail, but she's an Abigail Lynn, and has her fathers last name... And they named her after a metal song...

Anyways... She just had to present my name choice to them in such a way that would get yet more people against me. According to her, they're "very upset" and "will never call me anything but Drew". I have to wonder how she expressed my choice in the name... And how is MY NAME their business anyways? I asked THEIR DAUGHTER, my niece, IF SHE MINDED there being another Abigail in the family, because it is somewhat her business... BUT IT ISN'T ANYONE ELSES! BTW... My niece told me she didn't mind it at all.

I'm Abigail because it's the only name that sang to me. Part of what got my mind going that direction was that my mom thought she was going to have another girl and was going to name her Abigail. But what hooked me was the meaning of the name. It comes from the Hebrew Avigayil, meaning "(Her) Father's Joy" or "Joy in (Her) Father" (or "Fountain of Joy", but that meaning didn't have anything to do with my liking the name). I kept the shortened "Drew" for my middle since it comes from "Andrew", but it also comes from Irish as just itself, and is used in Irish tradition as a female name meaning "Courageous". So, for me, I named myself "Courageous Joy in Her Father". The "Father" being God. Also, I prefer the shortened to be "Abi" because it's much closer to the hebrew, and "Abi" is the "Father" part of the name. And I don't feel like much of a "Gail" = joy most of the time. That part of the name is more to remind me to TRY to keep the joy...

Anyways... It's not easy, this life I chose for myself, (and I'm religious...) back in my pre-mortal existence... I can't help getting frustrated and depressed by it all on occasion. My name is Courageous Joy, not Infinite Joy. The difference is slight but large at the same time...

YOU ARE SO NOT A MANNISH LOOKING GIRL!

You've got the CUTEST face, girl!

I'm the only ugly one around here...

I actually do have a very masculine face. I could easily pass for a tranny. I think plucking my eyebrows and my face piercings help hide it, but my actual facial structure is very male-looking. ^^;

AND YOU ARE NOT UGLY! I SHOULD INTERNET SLAP YOU!!! Even as a male, you weren't ugly. There are some transgenders who have such masculine faces they can never hide it, no matter what they try to do. You definitely don't have one of those faces! It's easy to see other women with beautiful, delicate faces and wish that you could look like that. But you really do need to spend more time trying to find things you like about your own face!!!

I actually do have a very masculine face. I could easily pass for a tranny. I think plucking my eyebrows and my face piercings help hide it, but my actual facial structure is very male-looking. ^^;

It really isn't. I'm looking at your pics on your "about" section on your versusangel website, and trying to detect ANYTHING about your face that could remotely be called masculine, and there's simply nothing there. In fact, if I could get even close to a face like yours I'd be very very happy.

AND YOU ARE NOT UGLY! I SHOULD INTERNET SLAP YOU!!! Even as a male, you weren't ugly. There are some transgenders who have such masculine faces they can never hide it, no matter what they try to do. You definitely don't have one of those faces! It's easy to see other women with beautiful, delicate faces and wish that you could look like that. But you really do need to spend more time trying to find things you like about your own face!!!

I am ugly. And there's nothing to like about my face. It looks cute on a male, but it's totally wrong and ugly on me. Step one - electrolysis and try to regrow my eyebrows. Step two - surgical correction. These are both necessary before I can have a face that doesn't scream "what a cute guy!"!

It is true that some others out there have such an awful starting point that no amount of surgery can make them naturally feminine, and I at least have a chance at that. I suppose I can be grateful for that blessing. But as it sits AT THIS TIME. It's a "cute male" face. Which means ugly on me.

Interesting development... After being off BO for a few days I am no longer having morning erectile issues...

Apparently BO is too androgenic for me. Considering it's cost ANYWAYS, I'm pretty sure I won't be replacing it.

Mocha has been looking at what the Japanese girls have been doing and apparently instead of BO for their animal source they're using pig placenta. If there wasn't much research on BO, there's even less on pig placenta...

I might consider trying it in the future, but I think for now I'm going to just keep going as-is but without BO.

I wish there was another way for me to get estradiol that wouldn't involve thousands of dollars in doctors visits...

I need to make a Thai friend I think and get them to go buy me a bunch of estradiol tablets and mail them to me lol.

EDIT: Just found something that seems to indicate the primary hormonal constituent of pig placenta is E1. Definitely not the E I want. Natal women ought to convert most of it to E2 easily enough, but I most probably will not especially since my chinese skullcap is partially blocking that reduction path.

Interesting development... After being off BO for a few days I am no longer having morning erectile issues...

Apparently BO is too androgenic for me. Considering it's cost ANYWAYS, I'm pretty sure I won't be replacing it.

Mocha has been looking at what the Japanese girls have been doing and apparently instead of BO for their animal source they're using pig placenta. If there wasn't much research on BO, there's even less on pig placenta...

I might consider trying it in the future, but I think for now I'm going to just keep going as-is but without BO.

I wish there was another way for me to get estradiol that wouldn't involve thousands of dollars in doctors visits...

I need to make a Thai friend I think and get them to go buy me a bunch of estradiol tablets and mail them to me lol.

EDIT: Just found something that seems to indicate the primary hormonal constituent of pig placenta is E1. Definitely not the E I want. Natal women ought to convert most of it to E2 easily enough, but I most probably will not especially since my chinese skullcap is partially blocking that reduction path.

If pig placenta is E1, what is in BO? All three?