Hi Hurricane,
First, no need to apologize, honey! Its all good and you are welcome here regardless of how you identify. The sister thing is mostly because most us us do identify that way to one degree or another.
I am sorry to hear you are distressed. Having an unsupportive or antagonistic wife is a real downer, I know.
Let me try to address some of what you said, because I have some questions and some thoughts.
First, the tingling and chest sensitivity will come and go... it is always scary once you get used to having it, and then see it go away, but it will come back. I might try upping your SP for awhile and see if that helps.
You say you don't identify as female but you have urges to dress. GID comes in many flavors, honey, and it is not always comfortably stable.
What follows is my story, and take it for what it is, one story... but I don't think it is all that uncommon. If it is useful to you, then great, if not I am sure someone else will have another story that may be.
Many of us, myself included began dressing as an outgrowth of a sexual need we did not understand. I used to think dressing was a sexual fetish for me in what was otherwise a purely male life. I used to think that.
Thinking that was comfortable in a weird way because once I had "finished" I could happily pack away my "tendency" and forget about it until the next time. And it was fine while I had plenty of out of town trips and plenty of opportunities. Sure, the "act" sometimes was followed by extreme revulsion, and purges. In between, my urges were sublimated into other compulsions that were not sexual but were still compulsions. I wasted a lot of time, but in retrospect I just wasn't ready to understand myself. Then two things happened.
One, my out of town trips became much scarcer. And two, I discovered this site and to offset the inability to dress as often, I began taking PM. And for a couple of years or more, PM kept me sane. My compulsions were controllable, though a I still ran off to watch porn and masturbate.
But then the combination of PM and the later addition of SP, slowly began to take its toll on what was a very high level of T. (by the way, I have periodically noticed that if I have been off SP for awhile and resume it I will sometimes get an actual boost in "horniness" upon resuming SP...odd... maybe Lotus can explain that...tee hee). My libido slowed down, diminished and finally disappeared. But I was still on this path... why...? I began to literally feel more female, and the train began to move. The more I reduced the T, the more I began to understand that the need to dress was not a sexual fetish at all, but part of a larger GID that had haunted me my entire life.
And finally, within just the last few months, I started putting all the pieces together, and I came to realize that indeed there is a female component to me and she will not go away, and the older I get the louder she gets, and it is NOT a sexual thing. It is a GID. When it is denied, the anxiety causes me all manner of difficulties... irritableness, scattered, unfocused thinking etc. She will not let me sleep until I embrace her. So that is what I am finally doing. And I am happier than I can remember being in a very long time. I am becoming whole.
Now certainly, sweetheart, your story may be quite different. There are a million stories. But when I read so much of what you wrote, and please forgive me... it sounds so very very much like things I might have thought myself as recently as just a couple of years ago.
You can stop taking PM. You can assure yourself that PM and SP and whatever, is making the situation worse and if you stop it will go back to "normal". Maybe it will. Only you can determine that. But something brought you here... right? And something drives you to dress...right? There is something going on in you, baby....and you need to figure it out and accept it and do whatever you need to do to make yourself "whole".
That's the golden ring we are all looking for.
Being whole.
Being happy.
Just be aware that you really have only two choices. You can push it all away and pretend it isn't there, but you and I both know it is not likely to go away... right?
Or you can follow the path and see where it leads... and there is no telling where that path will go.
Sorry.
Your fate may not be the same as mine or Clara's or anyone else's. It will be yours.
Scary, huh?
But, it does have hope. It has a lot of hope, and a lot of potential.
And you know what... that other path?
That other path is death, honey... metaphorically speaking, at least.
It is the death of hope.
I know what I would choose.
I am here if you want to talk. I listen pretty good.
And I always answer pm's.
Let me rephrase what I said before... you are not alone. You have a lot of friends here.
And we get it.
Hang in there sweetheart.
Hugs
