[Missed Miss]

My ex-fiancé stopped letting me plow her fields, then, a few years later laughingly told me that she lets both her dogs do her orally!!

She must be the woman I saw at the store the other day, buying kibble and peanut butter.... :-O

Lol!! Well, if it was, you must live in Denmark, that's where she is, now.

[SarahSchilling]

Ewww. A really ugly thing just turned disgusting. Thanks for the breakfast treat, MM.

[Elisaustin]

Wow
I went back to that site a couple different times and finally made it through all the forum posts. I tried to keep a open mind and keep my opinion unbiased. I understand why those wives might feel deceived by their hubbies not being up front with them from the start, but on the other hand
judging from their reaction when they did find out. What person in their right
mind would want to provoke such venom? There seems to be a more under lying current there than Hubby just wanting to wear a dress.
I am truly glad I am not married to any of them.
I would hate to wake up in the morning and find out I was married to a girl
named Bobbitt.

[Samantha Rogers]

Oooh, I like the avatar! Is that new Elis? Or have I been sleeping? Tee hee. Is that you?

[GoneGirl]

Not to be a downer, but if you are interested, check out the following site...but be prepared for a rude shock.
Www.crossdresserswives.com
OMG
Such hatred and vitriol and willfuly ignorant and deliberate failure to understand...wow.
Wear a thick skin if you look here, and...those with wives...yoy might want to keep them away from this pool of toxicity.
I think I need a shower now.

If you do have a look, let us know what you think.

Maybe a scotch is a better idea...

Well, Sammie, I haven't looked at the site, and don't intend to, but thanks (I think) for pointing it out for those who may be struggling with the idea of coming out to their wives about their GD/CD. It's risky doing so, and I think it wise to consider the potential downsides of a disclosure.

It was only after learning the facts about gender dysphoria and finding this great site that I finally made the move. I'm glad I have a wife who is open minded and supportive. I do think it has a lot to do with the depth of her love for me (and mine for her) that it's working out. If a relationship is tenuous at best, disclosure or discovery could be the straw that breaks the marriage's back.

I did read all of the following blog written by a wife who had a long adjustment to her husband's crossdressing. It helped me with my decision to come out to my wife when my crossgender nature was finally revealed to me:

http://susannejourney.blogspot.com/2009/...-down.html

Clara

[TibetanPrincess]

Wow, its been long since I have posted, but this caught my attention.

I think I know what it is, well maybe a portion of it. I see so many sides here. So I feel for many of you GMs who have struggled with this all of your life. Which is why I say being open and honest in the beginning, you are better off than holding it in.

I *think* that most of these wives are having issues with :

Honesty- a lack there-of and that comes with the fear of not truly knowing who they have married all of these years.

Identity- the gender role. Women take on being role of the more openly sexy and feminine gender of the two. It can be a turn off if one wants to be the same for that moment /or always and may de-feminize their genetic role in the male/female relationship (whether in an intimate way or not).

And I know some of you may hate this, but here goes:

Perversion- Anything can be perverted, including non sexual things like death, pain, eating, etc. And in this case, its the perversity the female identity. For many women, its hard enough to keep up, we'd like to think we are fulfilling this role just fine in a relationship, whether its our nurturing qualities, giving life, being the female that is in need and supporting her her male companion, staying in our attractive prime as long as possible. Feeling sexy and feminine is just a small portion of what a real woman truly is.

If many of us women that are fulfilling the wife role, feel desired, yet naturally feminine by the attention of our companions alone; without expressing materialistic feminine habits, then why should any man feel they need to express materialistic feminine habits when they have their attentive companions beside them?

These habits of material expression are cross-dressing in lingerie, expressing the female identity on the outside -cosmetics, wardrobe, hair, nails, going the extra mile to alter the voice, posture, mannerisms, things you may not have naturally expressed during or before the marriage, or even in your youth. This is where the female identity becomes perverted. Doing things even your wife doesn't do too much of to express the "feminine" in her genetic gender. What you are on the inside (being feminine) is fine, but women need their male companions and not one that is hung up on feminine materialistic expression in order to be fulfilled.
Yes, I know men can wear dresses and makeup (I'm not addressing it as in by itself), it goes beyond that. Its the Feminism or the tucking away of the masculinity (pun naturally intended) in expression. The reason behind it. Its how/why you wear it not what you wear. Its simply unnecessary for a genetic male to express these type of habits in order to be fulfilled. Fine if you do it for fun on halloween, a joke. But to feel a NEED for it, hmm.

Women wear pants, but how are they wearing them? Femininely, most straight women wear body hugging or tailored to their curves type of style and if its bootleg, its most often low rise. They aren't trying to be masculine with their mannerisms while wearing.So you can't compare an average CD to men who wear kilts or whirling dervish dress.

I know this isn't the whole of many of you. Many of you have both ultra masculine and feminine qualities and have been open and honest since you can remember. But to bounce from masculine mode to feminine mode, whether you have informed your wives or not, that's very hard to absorb and accept, as a wife. That is mainly because the two biological expression are total opposites! Women attracted to men obviously love the masculinity on the outside they naturally have. Its just what straight women are attracted to.
Those of you have wives, may be asking:
"Why is it so important to express some portion of a feminine identity when he is genetically not? That is my role if anything, not his. I need my husband to fully accept his biological masculine expression and not prize these feminine attributes most women were biologically born with. I needed him to have been honest with me from the beginning. If he was, I might have decided this was not for me and have had a different life, married to someone else. And if I decided he was for me, at least I would have known all of this time and have no fears of what else is unknown to me of who he really is."
I'm pretty sure most wives would be accepting that you are partially internally female. It seems as though its the material expression that is the problem.

[flamesabers]

Tibetan,

Thank you for your feedback and candor. I think a lot of what you've written about relates to what Miss C and I talked about earlier.

[GoneGirl]

What we often forget is that many of us tried very hard at some point in our lives to rid ourselves of our feminine identity sense. We were made to feel ashamed of it, and to reject it at every turn. We forced ourselves to embrace the male role, to be manly, to be aggressive, to harden our feelings, to be leaders, etc. We were influenced to believe that we could be the men we were expected to be, and many of us made every attempt to live up to that expectation. We joined the sports teams, we forced ourselves to socialize with other men, we joined the military, we married and had children. We tried to do what we were told over and over again was our obligation as biological males, to overcome our in-born personalities through denial and discipline. But, what was the result? Too often it was mental anguish, anxiety, self-hate, depression, in short, gender dysphoria. Many of us learned to cope with the dysphoria, but it often resulted in distorted sexual behavior that had to be kept secret out of shame and guilt and fear of discovery. Do we deserve to be humiliated, hated, condemned for something that we can do nothing about?

Many of us bi-gendered eventually came to understand our feminine sides and learned that there is no denying its expression. We've come to understand ourselves and accept our true subconscious natures. We long for acceptance by our wives, children, relatives, friends and society in general.

Is that perversion? Maybe in some cases, but to cast all of us as perverts is a gross injustice. It's true that we cannot force our mates to accept us for who we really are after we projected a different appearance for so long, but neither can we be forced to continue to deny who we are after learning the truth and wanting a few years of fulfillment in our true gender identities. Nor can we expect our spouses to automatically accept us for who we really are when it is incompatible with who they really are.

There is no absolute right or wrong here. There needs to be love, understanding, tolerance, and patience.

Clara

[EvaMarie]

Well said from you Tebetan....

But I really liked ClaraKay's response, well written and thought out as usual

Id just add as far as "perversion" goes there is often a huge amount of guilt that goes along with that too.... And a lot of CD's find relief from all that with PM and the other NBE herbs... In fact all that goes away including male function after a while and a high enough dosage...

Others just find they want more though and for them (Me) its not a perversion its just way it has to be, there is no going back...

Im glad Im not married or have kids though is all I can say about this subject...

[AnnieBL]

Tibetan,

I really appreciate your giving us your thoughts in this matter, particularly since they are material to a quandary in which I find myself. It is clear to me that I have always had a significant degree of gender variance, and this has had a substantial effect on the manner in which I deal with the world and relate to other people, particularly in sexually or emotionally charged situations My wife knew about these effects, if not their cause, and married me anyway. More recenttly the medications prescribed to me by the medical profession have in effect chemically castrated me. For a time I felt some guilt about this because I thought I might have connived in the process, but I'm now fairly certain that most of the damage was done before I became aware what was happening. Three months of trying to restore male function failed completely and we are now resigned to the situation. I have tried quite hard to explain to my wife why I believe that I am gender variant, and have said in passing, and truthfully at the time, that I am not a cross dresser. I don't seem to have succeeded in persuading her that my gender variance is real or at least that is the attitude she chooses to take (the same applies to what I have learned about some of my medical conditions), and she tends to shut down any attempt at discussing it, but now that I have some degree of feminisation I am becoming interested in discovering what my female persona looks like. The photo session that produced my avatar was a first time and secret experiment, and I am definitely nervous about discussing with my wife my new found interest in what I would look like as a woman unless I can persuade her that it need not be a threat to our relationship. Actually I feel that we are both treading very cautiously here trying to find our way around the pink elephant in the room.