[GoneGirl]

I've made many, as most of us have. Right now, I'm faced with one of those compromises that is an easy choice, but somewhat difficult to live with. My wife has asked that I not dress as often in her company and I am accomodating her. It's a step backward that I didn't expect to be making. It has caused me some emotional discomfort, but I can deal with it.

I'm sorry to hear that, Kim. Did your wife give a reason for her not wanting you to dress as often? I know some times a spouse will give a green light, but later post a speed limit. I guess that's better than a red light, though.

Clara

[Samantha Rogers]

I have lived my entire life suppressing my female identity for the benefit of my loved ones, career and what I thought was my long term happiness. It's time for Dawn to have some love and recognition...just a little.

Exactly my story, too, honey! There are a lot of us just like that...sigh.

[GoneGirl]

I have lived my entire life suppressing my female identity for the benefit of my loved ones, career and what I thought was my long term happiness. It's time for Dawn to have some love and recognition...just a little.

Exactly my story, too, honey! There are a lot of us just like that...sigh.

I agree Sammie, but would you include in the 'lot of us' those men who suppressed their female identity subconsciously? I can't say that I did it for the benefit of loved ones or career. Maybe had I been aware of my cross gender identity I would have, but I wasn't. In my case the suppression was to protect my male gender identity that had been assigned at birth, developed through childhood, enforced by the expectations of the world around me, and my own 'sense' of who I thought I was. The sacrifice of my female identity was completely at a subconscious level, so I can't really view it as some kind of virtuous, selfless act on my part. When I finally discovered my inner woman, I chose to nurture that side of me without much reservation; I chose to expose my wife to Clara knowing that it would be a potentially life changing move for both of us. Fortunately, she has been willing to compromise her life as a woman married to a 'normal' man for the sake of my happiness. Why would she do that?

Clara

[Samantha Rogers]

I expect because she loves you, Clara! (and who wouldn't? tee hee)
as to "subconscious" decisions, those are not what I was referring to. And as to referring to compromises as "virtuous", I was not meaning to get into that area, either, though it is certainly connected.
I was more meaning to look at choices we have, many of us, made to either neglect or nurture our feminine side, and how that has affected the happiness and/or contentment with our lives. Have the tradeoffs we have made to sustain relationships or please others, still allowed adequate room to sustain our own happiness and well being? Is it possible to give so much that in the process we lose ourselves entirely? On the other hand, have some, seeking only their own happiness, not given enough to ensure the happiness of others in their lives, and how do they feel about that?
Compromise is a fine line of balance. I was merely wondering how this matter has impacted others on the forum.
Though, I suppose (pursuing the hypothetical a little too far), one might make a case that even subconscious decisions represent a form of imposed compromise.

[dawn]

I have lived my entire life suppressing my female identity for the benefit of my loved ones, career and what I thought was my long term happiness. It's time for Dawn to have some love and recognition...just a little.

Exactly my story, too, honey! There are a lot of us just like that...sigh.

I agree Sammie, but would you include in the 'lot of us' those men who suppressed their female identity subconsciously? I can't say that I did it for the benefit of loved ones or career. Maybe had I been aware of my cross gender identity I would have, but I wasn't. In my case the suppression was to protect my male gender identity that had been assigned at birth, developed through childhood, enforced by the expectations of the world around me, and my own 'sense' of who I thought I was. The sacrifice of my female identity was completely at a subconscious level, so I can't really view it as some kind of virtuous, selfless act on my part. When I finally discovered my inner woman, I chose to nurture that side of me without much reservation; I chose to expose my wife to Clara knowing that it would be a potentially life changing move for both of us. Fortunately, she has been willing to compromise her life as a woman married to a 'normal' man for the sake of my happiness. Why would she do that?

Clara

I think clara nailed it; I wasn't consciously suppressing my female identity, rather my mind suppressed it subconsciously in order to protect my male identity and those who associate me with it. As the years went by I became more angry and frustrated not understanding why I'm so unhappy. I had a nervous breakdown, started counseling, started exploring the depths of my mind via hypnosis and suddenly I understand. There's a part of me that needs to be embraced and nurtured that has long been forced in silence.

[AnnieBL]

All of our lives tend to be full of compromises. Those who are unwilling ever to compromise expression of their beliefs risk so antagonizing their audience that their intended message is lost, while those who compromise their expression too readily risk betraying themselves and not being noticed at all. That said, I don't believe that NBE has yet required any major compromises on my part, but my recent nascent interest in visualizing Annie may require some.

[Arielle]

Hi All,

Thought I'd contribute my compromises, and this isn't just related to GID/NBE, but actually some pretty significant life style choices. Approx 18 months ago I was looking for a new assignment in my company, and that meant changing from one building to another. Unfortunately this didn't work out, and I got a job 15 months ago with an old boss in another country. As such my current job is direct board reporting level, which means any ideals of not being public facing have gone. The compromises are, selling up my place and moving, my so of the time didn't want a long distance, and obviously I cannot realistically thing about proceeding.
The unexpected outcomes are that I am quite alone, especially at the weekends. My hobbies are not readily available, and the locality is too small to have a more 'cosmopolitan' lifestyle choices available in large cities.
I have found settling down a lot harder than expected, and still do not have a good social life here, nor many friends. It is not easy being an introvert.
However I have some gay colleagues, and they have started inviting me to things a bit more, and I like their community, it is a shame that PM stops you drinking like a fish.

GM

[Samantha Rogers]

Wait...what? I am sorry....l had to go back and reread that.....I was with you through the job change and the move, the relationship and so on...right down to the gay friends...but what was that last bit...PM stops you drinking? Gee, I guess no one told me...lol. I have a drink or two every night, and sometimes a few more...tee hee.

[MichelleM]

I know I only figured out that I had a feminine persona a few months ago, and that it appears that it's not as strong as many or most here (maybe not even as strong as my masculine persona). But even given that, I've discovered that I want to express my feminine side, but because of my existing commitments to my family, I feel I need to severely limit this. I wish that that were not the case, but I also am not willing to incur the costs to change things.

For example, my DW knows I take PM, but I don't think she's crazy about it, and I think she's still has some concerns that it might have negative health effects. I don't think she would welcome any further physical changes (basically the moobs I started with, with puffy nipples). Clothing, makeup, extracurricular activities, etc., are out. In fairness, to spring this revelation on my DW a few months ago after being married for over 30 years, her feedings don't seem too outrageous. After all, I only started to figure this out shortly before talking to her about it.

The good news is that even though I really would like to at least sample those things, I've found that, for the most part on most days, my relatively low dose of PM (varies between 0 and 1500 mg, depending on the day), seems to be enough for me. That gives me the mental benefits (e.g., reduced anxiety (especially social anxiety), libido normalized) and just enough physical effect, to make things noticeably better for me. Again, given that I wasn't even aware of this side of me until recently, and my symptoms (for example, my anxiety) were pretty mild, maybe this shouldn't be a big surprise.

So, I'm hoping that perhaps I can sample some of those things sometime, but most of the time it doesn't tear me up too much, and I feel better; and it's nice to have an explanation for some otherwise inexplicable set of thoughts and behaviors I've had.

Michelle

[kimdl93]

I'm sorry to hear that, Kim. Did your wife give a reason for her not wanting you to dress as often? I know some times a spouse will give a green light, but later post a speed limit. I guess that's better than a red light, though.

Clara

Hi Clara,

Yes, she did explain. when I first brought up the idea of dressing around her occasionally she was very unsupportive. But she said she could see how deeply disappointed I was. To use her words, she said she could see the joy come right out of me. At that time, she came back to me and said, it's only clothes, so dress however you like...or words to that effect. And I did, but I also tried to balance out somewhat, alternate days dressed or not. Still, I would say in retrospect that my balance was more than she could bear.

In our recent conversations she seemed of two minds...on one hand saying she could compromise on one day a week and my participation in a local TG group, and the other saying she just didn't want to see "it". I never intended to be in her face about this, but it seems she has grown increasingly sensitive on the subject. I have been treading very lightly, making it a point to not dress in her company for the moment.

I do hope to revisit the situation in the next few weeks to see if there really is room for compromise. I won't jeopardize our marriage and she knows and shares that commitment. So, I'm hoping for a fair measure of reciprocity.

We shall see.

Kim