[cheapskate9999]

seems as if I have something in common with you. Never really considered myself transgendered or even leaning towards it, not that it would be a bad thing..just never considered it.

Started a year ago for about a month and achieved minimal growth before I chickened out and things got to the point that they were irreversible. Just 2 weeks ago I started again first with about 2000 a day of pm before I started BO just two days ago. Mostly fat redistribution but definitely cleavage and since starting the BO really tender, puffy nipples and chest really tender. This time around belly fat seems to be vanishing or dropping or whatever you want to call it (might be the garcinia cambogia not sure) and chest feels kind of heavy. Am planning to stick it out this time and see where it takes me but changes seem to be happening a little faster this time around.

[PleasantlyFascinated]

How can I tell the difference between fat distribution, and the irreversible development of breast buds?? I don't want any changes that are irreversible. I want the option to be able to adjust myself either direction.

I'm not using PM, but something I'm doing is causing me to have apparent breast growth. I may need to figure out what it is, quickly.

[bobie]

Breast buds are hard lumps behind the nipples, you will be able to feel them by applying gentle pressure with your finger well before they are visible

[PleasantlyFascinated]

But I got those in puberty. They merely stopped hurting after a while, and never got any bigger. I have them to this...

Wait a minute. I suddenly can't find them. I think they got wider and softer. They seem to have spread out, and are no longer hard lumps.

Oh, oh.

Is that what happens when they become permanent boobs?

Yikes

[bobie]

Google tanner scale and look at the pictures, it will show you how a girl is meant to develop, from what i gather its fairly normal for some guys to develop breast buds during puberty but they normally then disappear during puberty, did this happen to you? the other thing to consider is if they did remain all this time that due to the fat your body has there now you simply cannot feel them

[PleasantlyFascinated]

I suppose it's OK to put up some pictures, and get opinions?

I can't imagine finding a more knowledgeable panel of experts to offer opinions on what's happening to me.

[bobie]

Of course you can

[PleasantlyFascinated]

Hi Plutonian and Cheapskate.

It seems possible I might have some things in common with you. I've never been upset at being male, far from it. I'm happy I'm male. However, it's more like I also want to be female, but it always expressed for me as WANTING a female.

While I've always privately feared that I am just barely man enough (even though no one else has ever appeared to have that opinion of me), I never really paid attention to if I secretly wanted to BE a female. Until recently. 6 years in a sexless marriage can produce some huge adaptations in a very gradual way.

I don't know about you, but I can get a lot of private mileage from a little harmless self feminization. I don't ever desire anything that could prove biologically emasculating to me. It sounds like I want to be both, and that's pretty much true, just not to be both at the same time.

I would welcome a flood of estrogen and a conversion to female, IF I could also turn around at any time and purge myself of the E, and become a walking testosterone factory with sinews of iron.

Since this is not realistic, I've worked with weights to over-develop my pectoral muscles, and any other places I can target to accent a more female type of musculature. I love silky smooth legs and painted toenails. It's all reversible. I thought there would be no harm in the very merest amount of progesterone and estriol cream on my chest area. It gives me a delicious feminine feel at bedtime. Maybe I have kept it up for too long, because though I admit to liking some new unpremeditated physical results, I worry that the results should be reversible.

I'm wondering if there isn't some small sub-group of cross-genders that feel just as I do.

[plutoniannights]

I ended up trying PM for two days, together with SP the first day. The physical effects I noticed were that shortly after taking a pill, my nipples would go erect and become sensitive, staying that way for several hours until I guess the body had processed most of the PM. My skin became freakishly smooth, and stayed that way even for several days after I stopped taking PM. I also noticed some fat redistribution in my breast and stomach area. It seems pretty amazing it can have such a fast effect, so maybe my mind was playing tricks on me to some extent.

On the negative side, I felt physically weaker, you know that feeling when you are on the verge of getting a cold but it hasn't yet begun. This went away pretty soon after I stopped taking PM. Not pleasant at all and makes me reluctant to go on PM for a longer amount of time.

While it was exciting to do something with the potential to feminize my body, I also started feeling scared of the masculine me fading away, so to say. After I stopped, I felt that 'ok, this may not be for me at this point in my life at least' and was happy I'd tried something and was that one experience richer. But now, a month later, I am confused again, having strong urges to go back on the PM and take it a step further this time around. At the same time, I like my male body and don't want to mess it up. I wish there was a way to instantly go back and forth between male and female! It's really confusing, and I'm having a hard time distinguishing what is unhealthy obsession from what is a real part of my identity.

Right now, I want to figure out how much is hormone based, because for me gender dysphoria comes in cycles, and I figure it's got to be related to something biological happening, otherwise how can it hardly bother me at all for extended periods of time, and then come back with a vengence. So I'm doing blood work to see if anything is up. And I might go the opposite way for a while, attempting to boost testosterone to see how that affects things.

[PleasantlyFascinated]

What if personality and identity are imperfect adaptations we’ve taught ourselves or have been forced to learn, which overlay and eventually suffocate the true self?

What if the true self is pure awareness, thrilled to be born into physical existence?

What then would differentiate an an unhealthy obsession from an ordinary strong interest? Doesn't an interest only become an obsession after one has tried, and failed, to repress it?

I ask myself, how can a strong interest in feeling/looking/even experiencing femaleness be all that bad? Why should I repress it? So I don't. I just keep it hidden from those who cannot understand.

Hormones are intoxicating modulators to our awareness of physical existence. I'd like to experience as much of them as I can safely get away with.