[aradiarising]

So I'm not sure where to start, so please bare with me as I try explaining the situation.
My boyfriend and I have been dating nearly a year. He's 21 and I'm 20. I'm his first serious girlfriend and he's my second serious boyfriend. He's a good christian boy, no sex before marriage and all that; I can respect his point of view and while I wanted to wait until I really felt comfortable with that person I don't have that same feeling of 'have to wait'.
My previous boyfriend was younger then me and easy to please physically. This one, not so much. It doesn't help that I'm perfectly content to bask in the physical pleasure I get without really feeling like I should reciprocate. But when I do try and please him I don't feel like I'm doing anything 'right enough'. He doesn't make any noise which I do totally understand guys aren't into so much, but he's not hard at all when I try to please him. And it's giving me a complex that I'm completely inadequete in the bedroom.
I have talked to him about it and he says it's nothing I'm doing wrong and because I'm the first girl he's done those things with he doesn't have a way to tell me what I can do better, so I'm looking for some advice or reassurances or stories that could make me feel better because it's really really been bothering me lately.

[Cheryl1989]

Hi Honey, when i was completely male i never made any noises i think its normal that men just dont make much sound lol i dont know why, but as for him not getting hard that could be alot of reasons and none of them would have anything to do with you doing things wrong. I had a stage when i couldent get an erection for my girlfriend and i couldent ejeculate with her, this went on for ages and it was down to me getting stressed because i couldent get hard so it was an endless cycle untill it just started to work again lol because your his first proper girlfriend he might be anxious and not realise it, how long have you been together hun. I dont think its anything to do with what your doing honey so relax and dont get yourself worried and stressed it will rub of on him and put more pressure on him and that could make it worse as he will feel he should be getting hard. Just relax and let him masterbate abit untill hes hard and then just take over a little and just relax and have fun, and above all talk to each other, im sure it will sort itself out chick, i hope this helped a little.
Hugs Cheryl xxxx

[Anastasia916]

Okay from my experience with guys, not all of them make noises or have facial expressions, some do some don't, so don't beat yourself up about that. Also not all of them like the same things! My hubby doesn't prefer blow jobs where other males do, he likes hands! He tells me my hands are just so soft and sensual he just loves them. Also some guys like their balls played with while their penis is messed with, others don't. It's just like women, no two are the same! I agree with Cheryl it could be that he's stressed a bit because he's so worried something is wrong with him and not you! Males have this big ego about their packages that if it's not "working properly" they stress out MAJORLY!! LOL their entire pride is in their sexual performance and their manhood lol silly I know, but it's kind of like women, we get stressed when our bodies aren't perfect, think of you wanting your breasts bigger to look better, same principles here. Women also get stressed if their man isn't getting off with them, like you are right now! Put yourself in his shoes, oh man I'm not reacting how she wants, it's not getting up, is something wrong with me? If it broke!? Think how you would feel if you did have sex or he tried to please you and you couldn't orgasm or get wet, it would make you feel horrible right? Just relax like Cheryl said, experiment and COMMUNICATE!!!

Try different techniques and ask, does this feel good? How bout this? Is this better? Heck some guys like something massaging their prostate! Yes this means something going into their ass, and no I don't think that makes them gay! If you need any advice on techniques I can try my best to describe some. But just experiment, have fun and the rest will fall into place.

[aradiarising]

Thanks for the responses! He parks apparently work just fine when it's just him so I'm not super worried about the physical aspect of that.
The one thing I've considered is sitting down with him and saying "Okay, teach me what you like" Except I'm worried I'll then be putting him really on the spot and it'll totally backfire on me.

[Anastasia916]

Have yall masturbated in front of each other? That is another way to see how he does it that makes him feel good. Make it a sensual and sexy thing, don't be like, hey lets do this now so I can see. Just say "hey, I had this hot wet dream last night about me and you masturbating in front of each other, I woke up dripping wet and have been fantasizing about it all day, wanna try that sometime?" see how he acts. That's also another good way to see what he likes discuss your fantasies with him and ask him what he fantasizes about.

[Cheryl1989]

Hi both, Anastasia is right that men do like different things, and some like you to be gentle with them and some really like you to be firm and abit rough, i hated having my balls touched as they where very sensitive but not in a good way and i always like everything gentle down there as i was really sensitive lol. As far as him teaching you what to do that might be hard as he might not know himself, if he can get hard himself when he masterbates then its defoe a problem with stress and nerves hun as that is exactly how i was. Just spend time naked together, with no stress or expectation and just play with his penis gently like you are giving a gentle massage not aiming to get him hard and just see what happens just tell him to relax, he might have the same worries you do and he might be thinking i must be satisfiying you and i hope she likes it and this can have the same effect on him, as far as the bum thing goes some men do like stimulation of the prostate, finger up the bum, and i agree with Anastasia it doesent make them gay atall so dont worry there, i never experienced it as a man and never wanted too but since my change i have had some experience with it now and it does feel very good but ask him and see what he says lol dont see sex as a taboo thing and you shouldent try something because of it, sex is about enjoying yourself and partner and bringing a bond with each other, try what ever you like and have fun hun, im sure this will sort itself out fairly quick so dont let it cause any stress in your relationship as one day he will get hard and that will be it lol you wont be able to stop him lol Good luck honey.
Hugs Cheryl xxxx

[Bibi]

Just a thought: you could also concentrate on what YOU feel like doing to him, if he´s not very experienced he might not really know what he likes best, so it´s no use asking him. (And it can make him feel pressured, as the others said.)
But if there´s something that makes you excited, go ahead and do it without asking him, I think a lot of guys get really excited when they see that you´re enjoying yourself.

I agree that it´s hard to know what a guy will or won´t like, but if there´s something that bothers or hurts him he will certainly let you know, don´t worry about that. I´m thinking I once had something with a guy who wanted me to bite him during blowjobs (yes, ouch!!), that was really strange and I always thought that would really hurt, but hey, that´s when you find out that everyone likes different things so it´s really something you have to figure out together.
Oh and I agree that most men don´t make that much noise anyway, I once asked a bf why he kept so quiet and he told me he did that on purpose because otherwise he wouldn´t be able to control himself very long and he wanted it to last longer. So I think it´s just a guy thing.

Good luck and don´t worry, just try to have fun!

[Anastasia916]

Bibi, lol were you with an ex of mine?! I swear I had one (I've only been down on like 4 guys, hubby included) and this one asked me not to hold my teeth back! And I was always told before that's what you need to do not to hurt them. He liked me to scrap my teeth along his penis, it excited him, but he also enjoyed everything rough. I could literally slap around his stuff down there and he'd moan in enjoyment from it. My hubby doesn't mind his penis being slapped lightly, but not any other type of roughness.

As Cheryl said some males don't like their balls touched, my son's father was that way, he wouldn't even let me gently touch them, he said it hurt. And I'm very gentle, remember I am bisexual and have had experience with females, who are a little more delicate than males. But my hubby LOVES me to touch his balls while I mess with his penis, he doesn't like it rough, just a gentle massage and rubbing, and he likes me to massage his taint (the part in between their balls and butt hole) either me to run my fingers on it gently or my nails, to sort of massage/tickle it, drives him absolutely nuts.

Males are like females, they are all individual, no two are the same. Like Bibi said you kinda just got to experiment and see what they like and don't like. You never know until you try. For example, I don't personally like anal except maybe light stimulation, it's just not my thing, but a gf of mine loves it, she tells me how she loves her hubby to do her there and how much she orgasms from it. My hubby loves it as well, that's what we have vibrating eggs for, it really spices things up. Just suggest stuff to him or start doing stuff you want to try or do and see how he reacts. If it's something out of the norm though I would ask lol. I personally like some things that are considered taboo while others may not want to do that. I say as long as it involves adults, everything is mutual, everyone is enjoying themselves, then there is nothing wrong with it. Though I wouldn't do stuff that would compromise someone's life, I have seen stuff on the news where couples were risking their lives for the thrill and that's just scary to me. But to each their own.

Either way Aradia, I hope it works out for you!

[aradiarising]

Thank you everyone so much for you stories and advice- you've made me feel so much better! It's like having a bunch of older, more experienced sisters (as the vase may be) that can talk me through issues. He comes up every Tuesday and I think I've decided to have a "sexy night" where hopefully I can say 'tonight is for me to figure out what you like me to do and what I like doing to you' and I'll stay focused and motivated enough to stick to it and not get distracted by him.

[Bibi]

Okay, this isn´t very older sister-ly, but maybe he´ll relax some if you give him a beer or something??
You can also start giving him a back massage, just start at the top and continue down while removing his clothes, I think that could really work because you won´t be seeing his face so you could kind of focus better. Just do it slowly, concentrating on the smell of his skin (oh and imagining you´re the sexiest woman alive won´t hurt), and then after a while you can start kissing him on his back and then down to his bum while you caress his legs or whatever? In my experience the kissing the back and bum technique (and the back of the legs) makes boyfriends really get into it.

And lol Anastasia, I´m relieved that you ran into a bite-lover too, actually I thought this guy was secretly a masochist or whatever, though he seemed pretty normal the rest of the time!
I´m not into anal either, I think it´s okay once or twice in a lifetime but most of the time it huuuurts so that´s not my thing. I always find it funny that a girl would like that but well, we´re all different.