[GoneGirl]

OMG thank you so much for telling me about Red without Blue. I've just finished watching it.
So many similarity's. Added to favourites so I can watch again. lol

Thank you.


Denita

You're welcome, Denita. I liked it, too. I did find a lot of sadness in their struggles to find their places in this world. Romantic involvement was illusive. I guess that's how it often is for gender-variant people.

You might also like "Lawrence Anyways" and "Prodigal Sons".

Clara

[❇ Abby ❇]

OMG thank you so much for telling me about Red without Blue. I've just finished watching it.
So many similarity's. Added to favourites so I can watch again. lol

Thank you.


Denita

You're welcome, Denita. I liked it, too. I did find a lot of sadness in their struggles to find their places in this world. Romantic involvement was illusive. I guess that's how it often is for gender-variant people.

You might also like "Lawrence Anyways" and "Prodigal Sons".

Clara

I've looked for "Lawrence Anyways" and "Prodigal Sons" but they are difficult to track down without having to import copies.
UK copies are stupid expensive.


Denita

[❇ Abby ❇]

I had another chat with my brother (sober this time) and again he surprised the hell out of me.

When I said to him about the rest of the family he said "I could not give a stuff what anyone says, who gives a monkeys what they think. You do whatever you need to, to make you happy. If they don't like it, that's their problem, not yours.".

I again pointed out to him that I am unsure how far it will all go, possibly full transition and he said "What you do with your bit's is entirely up to you. Your my brother and I'll always love you. If it's what you want to do then it's your decision. No one else's.".

He says I have to tell the doctor and my psychiatrist. Didn't tell him that I think my psychiatrist is on to me anyway.

My first psychiatrist appointment was early last month. The weather was hot and I was not exactly looking forward to an hour in a stuffy office. Air con not really considered necessary for the UK climate. lol. When my time came the receptionist pointed out the door, I knocked and went in expecting a crusty, grey, old guy with hair growing out his nose. So I was totally dumbfounded to meet a mid thirties, tall, curvy, tanned, blonde, in a white and light blue flower embellished maxi dress. Barefoot (white sandals lined up next to the desk) with matching light blue finger nail and toe nail polish. Confident and totally at ease with the world. So instead of the usual greetings and pleasantries as I moved forward to shake her outstretched hand, the first words out of my mouth were "Oh my god, your beautiful." and I promptly dissolved in a puddle of embarrassment.

There have also been times when talking that I am sure she is paying extra special attention at reading my reactions when I've been talking. For example talking about my fathers disappointment at me not being a "normal" boy. Or my being bullied at school. Etc Etc.

Crazy thing is I have absolutely no idea why I have not already said something, but I would put money on the fact she has already guessed.


I did say to my brother that I would not be doing anything that would soon that would make it uncomfortable as we still have to live and get on in the same house.

I spent 5 hours yesterday trying make-up! It was brilliant.

Denita

[Heather-H]

I had another chat with my brother (sober this time) and again he surprised the hell out of me.

When I said to him about the rest of the family he said "I could not give a stuff what anyone says, who gives a monkeys what they think. You do whatever you need to, to make you happy. If they don't like it, that's their problem, not yours.".

I again pointed out to him that I am unsure how far it will all go, possibly full transition and he said "What you do with your bit's is entirely up to you. Your my brother and I'll always love you. If it's what you want to do then it's your decision. No one else's.".

He says I have to tell the doctor and my psychiatrist. Didn't tell him that I think my psychiatrist is on to me anyway.

My first psychiatrist appointment was early last month. The weather was hot and I was not exactly looking forward to an hour in a stuffy office. Air con not really considered necessary for the UK climate. lol. When my time came the receptionist pointed out the door, I knocked and went in expecting a crusty, grey, old guy with hair growing out his nose. So I was totally dumbfounded to meet a mid thirties, tall, curvy, tanned, blonde, in a white and light blue flower embellished maxi dress. Barefoot (white sandals lined up next to the desk) with matching light blue finger nail and toe nail polish. Confident and totally at ease with the world. So instead of the usual greetings and pleasantries as I moved forward to shake her outstretched hand, the first words out of my mouth were "Oh my god, your beautiful." and I promptly dissolved in a puddle of embarrassment.

There have also been times when talking that I am sure she is paying extra special attention at reading my reactions when I've been talking. For example talking about my fathers disappointment at me not being a "normal" boy. Or my being bullied at school. Etc Etc.

Crazy thing is I have absolutely no idea why I have not already said something, but I would put money on the fact she has already guessed.


I did say to my brother that I would not be doing anything that would soon that would make it uncomfortable as we still have to live and get on in the same house.

I spent 5 hours yesterday trying make-up! It was brilliant.

Denita

Hi Denita,

Once again I wish to express my happiness for you, you obviously made a very sound and necessary choice which has paid off and sure to promote future happiness.

I want to tell my brother who is 4years younger than me, my wife has expressly forbidden it as she is unsure how both him and his wife will react. I am in a much different age bracket than you, being just a few months from my 70th birthday I am in the twilight zone and feel its a now or never scenario.

I was interest also with your meeting at the psychiatrist, mine is next month and I am already very nervous and wondering how it is going to pan out. This may well be my last opportunity to progress, I couldn't face the rest of my life with just occasional dressing. My DW is not at all with me on this journey and keeps on saying "why can't you just be happy with CD'ing" she refuses to accept GID or TS is anything that can't be cured.

My mother and father passed away quite some time ago, my mother had an inkling that I was different from my brother as I often wore clear nail varnish and sometimes bra's over 35 years ago. If she was alive today I feel confident that she would be very supportive. Oh well that's life.

Best of luck with all your endeavours, I am sure you will conquer all the mountains that may lay before you and plant your Denita flag triumphantly on each of them.

Hugs
Heather X

[Samantha Rogers]

Hi Denita,

First, honey, I am just so happy at the reaction you have gotten from your brother. That is so awesome. I can only imagine how great that must have felt.
I am confused though about your dealings with the psychiatrist. Maybe I missed something in the thread...I am pretty dingy, lol...but my take on mental health professionals is to just be as up front and out in the open as I can so that they are better able to access and assist. So I am confused. Why not just tell your cute shrink right at the outset that you are TG? Seems like the elephant in the room...lol

[❇ Abby ❇]

Hi Denita,

Once again I wish to express my happiness for you, you obviously made a very sound and necessary choice which has paid off and sure to promote future happiness.

I want to tell my brother who is 4years younger than me, my wife has expressly forbidden it as she is unsure how both him and his wife will react. I am in a much different age bracket than you, being just a few months from my 70th birthday I am in the twilight zone and feel its a now or never scenario.

I was interest also with your meeting at the psychiatrist, mine is next month and I am already very nervous and wondering how it is going to pan out. This may well be my last opportunity to progress, I couldn't face the rest of my life with just occasional dressing. My DW is not at all with me on this journey and keeps on saying "why can't you just be happy with CD'ing" she refuses to accept GID or TS is anything that can't be cured.

My mother and father passed away quite some time ago, my mother had an inkling that I was different from my brother as I often wore clear nail varnish and sometimes bra's over 35 years ago. If she was alive today I feel confident that she would be very supportive. Oh well that's life.

Best of luck with all your endeavours, I am sure you will conquer all the mountains that may lay before you and plant your Denita flag triumphantly on each of them.

Hugs
Heather X

Hi Heather,

Thank you. It was like the proverbial flood gate that about to burst. I had to tell him before he found himself ankle deep in water. Strange thing is, it's the reaction I expect to get from him, yet I was still surprised by it.

If anyone is qualified to gauge your brothers reaction it's you. Knowing him for 66 years. As Clara said though, try to have reasonable expectations. It's possible he might have some idea already and yet it might also be possible that it could be a complete shock.

It is an incredibly hard situation that you are in. To me communication, planning and the ability to compromise seem key in being able to move forward. Yet it needs both parties to be open and willing to acknowledge the problem and work towards a solution.

I know that my father, who would have been 77 this year, would have flatly rejected any thought or acceptance that I was TG. He would never have understood it and any move I made towards transition would have resulted in ejection from the family as, in his view, I would have shamed them. He would never have compromised his almost Edwardian values and standards. He was not a bad man but his upbringing and the society he lived in made him that way. I think the UK is massively behind other countries in LGBT acceptance.

I would say "don't worry" but I know it's easier said than done but at the end of the day your psychiatrist is there to help and support you. Yes it is hard to talk about some things and emotional sometimes but it's meant to help. It is a positive thing and I know my psychiatrist has helped me hugely.

If I remember rightly there are several UK based support groups that council and support partners of TG. I will do some research and email you any help that I find. It might be useful?

Thank you again for your encouragement and kind words. I really hope your situation improves and you get the progress you desire.


Denita

[❇ Abby ❇]

Hi Denita,

First, honey, I am just so happy at the reaction you have gotten from your brother. That is so awesome. I can only imagine how great that must have felt.
I am confused though about your dealings with the psychiatrist. Maybe I missed something in the thread...I am pretty dingy, lol...but my take on mental health professionals is to just be as up front and out in the open as I can so that they are better able to access and assist. So I am confused. Why not just tell your cute shrink right at the outset that you are TG? Seems like the elephant in the room...lol

Hi Samantha,

Thank you. He is awesome and it was a massive sense of relief. My brother is the only acceptance that I needed or wanted.

I think the elephant is in a pink sequin jumpsuit and is doing somersaults. Just not to be missed. lol
I totally agree with you and I will bring the subject up when I see her this week.

My main reason for putting myself forward was to sort out my depression, anxiety, rebuild my confidence and hopefully sort out my social isolation. This is the weird thing about it. I have not deliberately hidden that I'm TG but at the same time I've not offered the information.

It might work out to my advantage as she might be able to directly refer me for a gender dysphoria diagnosis through my GP. Saves me from trying to convince my GP to do it.



Denita

[Samantha Rogers]

Hi Denita,

First, honey, I am just so happy at the reaction you have gotten from your brother. That is so awesome. I can only imagine how great that must have felt.
I am confused though about your dealings with the psychiatrist. Maybe I missed something in the thread...I am pretty dingy, lol...but my take on mental health professionals is to just be as up front and out in the open as I can so that they are better able to access and assist. So I am confused. Why not just tell your cute shrink right at the outset that you are TG? Seems like the elephant in the room...lol

Hi Samantha,

Thank you. He is awesome and it was a massive sense of relief. My brother is the only acceptance that I needed or wanted.

I think the elephant is in a pink sequin jumpsuit and is doing somersaults. Just not to be missed. lol
I totally agree with you and I will bring the subject up when I see her this week.

My main reason for putting myself forward was to sort out my depression, anxiety, rebuild my confidence and hopefully sort out my social isolation. This is the weird thing about it. I have not deliberately hidden that I'm TG but at the same time I've not offered the information.

It might work out to my advantage as she might be able to directly refer me for a gender dysphoria diagnosis through my GP. Saves me from trying to convince my GP to do it.



Denita

Oh, I can only imagine how wonderful that must have been with your brother! I am so happy for you. We have to make the most of those moments since they must carry us through darker ones. I try to store joy like that...lol

I can understand about things just "not coming up". I know when one first visits with a therapist after a long period of trying to cope alone there are so very many things to say by way of introduction that the gates just fling open and the tide gushes forth. But I also know there were things in my mind which still made me feel ashamed and which I was hesitant to reveal for fear of judgement from the therapist. It took me awhile to realize that I needed to trust her as I trust only myself if I wanted to really get any help. Now I know better, and there is nothing I am afraid to share with her. I realized the things I was afraid to voice were things I did not even want to admit to myself. I just wanted to be sure you were not falling into the same thing, and I see now that wasnt the case. Good for you, girlfriend! I think you are right, and letting her know about the TG issues can only help with your referrals and with moving toward settling all of your issues. One huge area for all of us is learning to seperate the various issues we face from the TG issue. Many of us deal with other concerns that can, before learning to distinguish differences, comingle with the TG elephant and make it so hard to make sense of the whole tangled affair within. Self esteem, codependency, sexuality, and a wide array of other complications can so often muddy the waters and make truly understanding our GID a daunting and intimidating task. It is small wonder depression is so often the result.
But only when we do isolate the other stuff can we really approach the elephant secure in knowing we do so honestly and armed with truth.
I know this will work out well for you my friend.
Hugs
Sammie

[❇ Abby ❇]

Oh, I can only imagine how wonderful that must have been with your brother! I am so happy for you. We have to make the most of those moments since they must carry us through darker ones. I try to store joy like that...lol

I can understand about things just "not coming up". I know when one first visits with a therapist after a long period of trying to cope alone there are so very many things to say by way of introduction that the gates just fling open and the tide gushes forth. But I also know there were things in my mind which still made me feel ashamed and which I was hesitant to reveal for fear of judgement from the therapist. It took me awhile to realize that I needed to trust her as I trust only myself if I wanted to really get any help. Now I know better, and there is nothing I am afraid to share with her. I realized the things I was afraid to voice were things I did not even want to admit to myself. I just wanted to be sure you were not falling into the same thing, and I see now that wasnt the case. Good for you, girlfriend! I think you are right, and letting her know about the TG issues can only help with your referrals and with moving toward settling all of your issues. One huge area for all of us is learning to seperate the various issues we face from the TG issue. Many of us deal with other concerns that can, before learning to distinguish differences, comingle with the TG elephant and make it so hard to make sense of the whole tangled affair within. Self esteem, codependency, sexuality, and a wide array of other complications can so often muddy the waters and make truly understanding our GID a daunting and intimidating task. It is small wonder depression is so often the result.
But only when we do isolate the other stuff can we really approach the elephant secure in knowing we do so honestly and armed with truth.
I know this will work out well for you my friend.
Hugs
Sammie

Thank you Samantha.

I still can't believe how easily my brother excepted it.

I agree with you about trying to separate the TG elephant and other issues. Self esteem, isolation and lack of confidence are my other issues at the moment. Sometimes placating my gender issues is the only thing keeping me sane and others times it's what causes my insanity.

I told my therapist about my gender issues and as I thought it was no surprise to her. She showed me that she hard written "gender?" on my assessment. Not sure what I think about that? Oh hell am I that obvious? lol

I admit at the moment I'm all analysed out. Too much thinking about past, motives, thoughts and feelings. Want to turn brain off to stop thinking for a bit. Feels like my brain is partly shutting down anyway. Self preservation? lol

One good side effect, I have done more art in last 2 weeks than I have in 2 years!



Denita

[tanysquirrel]

Good luck!! But, who knows? Maybe your brother is going through the same thing!

i was both amused and surprised that my eldest sibling was also transitioning roughly same time as me. i only found out through an article in a glbt news paper.

we both share a quote ' born as brothers,die as sisters'