[AnnieBL]

Best wishes Annie as you circulate your letter. I hope all continues to go well for you with each person to whom you present it. ...I would only offer this one piece of advice. Although I have not tested it myself, it was given to me by a close friend who is fully "out" but not fully transitioned. Her advise was that the initial reaction you get from those you tell is not always their lasting impression. Some change from rejection to acceptance and others change from acceptance to rejection when everything settles in. I think it's prudent to be on the lookout for that to happen in a few cases anyway. Again, I hope all goes as expected for you!

Thank you, Kari. I touched on the potential problem you mention in some earlier versions of the letter, but decided that it was better left out. We had some concerns about our next door neighbors. They have been very good neighbors and are very nice people, but the husband is a devout Catholic who quietly avoids having anything to do with gay people. Their older daughter was very badly affected by his wife having German measles during pregnancy (deaf, nearly blind and brain damaged). As it turns out, their younger daughter is currently in a class at university in which she is concerned that an FtoM transexual is being given a hard time by the professor, so they are aware of the issues. My real coming out in the village will be tomorrow, when I vote in the provincial general election. Whatever the outcome of the election, it seems unlikely in at least the short term to alter the provincial policy of not funding SRS within the provincial health services.

[Marina Kits]

Thank you, Kari. I touched on the potential problem you mention in some earlier versions of the letter, but decided that it was better left out.

Yeah, I wouldn't included anything about shifting opinions in my own coming out letter either. It's just something for us to be aware of when we get excited that we are well received by someone. There are far more important things to include in a coming out letter as you have done in yours and by-the-way, I think yours looks perfect. Also, there are far better bits of advice about coming out than what I suggested but it's all I have so far that's the least bit profound. I just assumed that if someone hated me after I told them that they'd hate me forever and if they loved me after the fact, that too would last forever. I think it's just that most people have never thought about what they might think if someone told them they are transgender so initial reactions are a bit unstable. My deep hope regarding people like your Catholic neighbor is that when they are made aware of someone who is transgender that they've know for a long time, their hearts will be softened toward us. It's easy to hate (maybe a strong word for most) someone you've never known. Much harder to hate someone you've known for a long time just because a new fact about them is revealed.

Last weekend, the Rochester MN Post Bulletin did a HUGE spread on Transgender acceptance (Front page and throughout plus a followup today). One comment that rang especially true in my mind was, "If you don't know a transgender person, it's because they don't trust you". How true! They say we all know 200-500 people, out of that group, only 4 know about me. ...Guess I'm a pretty untrusting huh?

http://www.postbulletin.com/news/local/t...597c3.html

http://www.postbulletin.com/news/local/a...bf3db.html

http://www.postbulletin.com/news/local/t...5bd0a.html

http://www.postbulletin.com/news/local/k...f145e.html

http://www.postbulletin.com/news/local/o...86ad8.html

http://www.postbulletin.com/news/local/d...1c825.html

http://www.postbulletin.com/news/local/p...21109.html

[Samantha Rogers]

Something concerning this came up recently in a conversation I had with a TS friend from another board.Personality and how well liked a person is as a male will affect how people react to that individual when they come out, either as CD or TS. For instance. someone who is extremely lovable/likable is more likely to find their friends going the extra mile to accept them than is someone whom orher people merely tolerate or try to get along with. When an extremely obnoxious or unlikable person comes out they are likely to see many "friends" happy to have an excuse to dump them. I think this explains some of why we see some people come out so successfully, maintaining their marriage, work and friends while others lose all of that. Of course it is no where near that simple, but I think it is a factor. Post transition or post op TS who are extremely bitter and negative may well have been so all along.

[AnnieBL]

Kari, your paper seems to have done a good job. Thank you for the links.
Sammie, I hope there is something in what you say. I found at school and college that when I got myself into severe trouble or misfortune, I was often amazed at the unexpected support I got from my peers, sometimes from unlikely quarters. The same could not always be said of certain teaching and supervisory staff who could be unnecessarily vindictive, and used their position to indulge in forms of bullying.
I remain lucky in my emergence, although I have had no reaction from the three of my eight first cousins with whom I have the least contact. I am hoping to have a psychologists letter to the endocrinologist next Wednesday.