[Cheryl1989]

Hi everyone, i have a small problem that i feel a little uncomfortable with and im not sure what to do. A few days ago i met one of my Ex girlfriends, we have not spoke for years as she moved away and we kind of drifted apart, now she is also friends with my current best friend and they did stay in touch. She has moved back to this country now and she wanted to meet up with me, she knew i had gone through this change so i think she was just being nosey lol, but i went with my friend and met her for a few drinks. It was very awkward to start with and she seemed very shocked but as we got talking things became easier and we had a good catch up and a good night. We have met up again the other night and talked alot about me and what i had done which i was fine with. The problem is she is very friendly with me and she keeps texting me and ringing me and i am finding it very strange, there is apart of me that still loves her and really wants her in my life as a good friend but i feel embaresed around her and dont think i could treat her like a friend and talk about men and clothes and theres no way i would feel comfortable go shopping with her or even clubing it just feels wrong. I dont know what to do and was looking for some advice, i know i still have feelings for her but i dont find her attractive anymore and its these feelings that are stoping me letting her in my life as a friend, this is so confusing. Any advice would be appreciated.
Hugs Cheryl xxxx

[Anastasia916]

If she's not bisexual or lesbian, then she is probably just trying to be friends with you, some of my best friends were guys who were gay, crossdressers and transgender. So if she's straight then she is just trying to become close friends, she may even be intrigued by the changes you've made and find them interesting so maybe that's peeked her interest to learn more about it. Really, I have exes that I'm still friends with, was close friends with an ex that I was with twice, once for like 8 or 9 months then the 2nd time years later for only a couple months and we decided that it wasn't working out as we grew apart with things in common and such and just became friends. I was really close to him and we hung out every weekend after that. But if it makes you feel uncomfortable, you are not obligated to be friends with her, let her know it's nothing personal but you feel uncomfortable being friends with her, or you can just simply avoid her, she'll get the hint. Really I can't advise you other than that, I don't know the entire situation, and I can't decide your feelings for you. So I say go with your gut. Hope it works out and good luck!

[Bibi]

You know, I´m quite friendly with my ex-es most of the time, especially if it´s been a while when we were in a relationship, because I feel we know each other so well and there´s probably some feelings of fondness that remain. So maybe she just feels comfortable around you and thinks you can understand her better now that you´re a woman too.
But if course it´s a bit strange that she´s calling and texting you so much, I´m thinking perhaps she wants your advice on something personal and is waiting for the right moment to ask?
Or maybe she´s wondering if things could work out between you two as a couple now that you´re more alike?

There´s a lot of possibilities, but I agree that you should just do as your instincts tell you. It doesn´t really matter what her intentions are, and it´s best if you don´t focus on her but on yourself, otherwise you´ll end up spending time with someone you´re not that comfortable with. I find that I always have to make an effort not to do things I don´t want to do just because someone else expects me to do them, that seems to be a typical womanly thing.
It even makes me feel guilty to say no!
For instance some weeks ago I got a message through facebook of some guy I dated when I was 19, he was a complete moron and he didn´t really seem to remember who I was but he insisted on meeting me. Now, some years ago I probably would´ve felt guilty for not calling him (he asked me to call him to get together) but now I know that it´s much better to go with my gut, and perhaps be a little selfish and protective of my own feelings, you know?
Anyway, hope this thing clears up for you a bit, let us know if there´s anything we can do to help.

[Cheryl1989]

Thanks both, it just feels strange for me and i know she is fascinated by my change, we have spoke about it abit as i am very open with people who want to know more but its just strange being with her after all this time as she hasent really changed atall. Shes a lovely person and i would love to be friends with her but i just cant escape this feeling of it being strange. I know she has no bi tendencies well i think i know so thats not a problem as that would be too weird for me lol. So its something i need to sort in my head i think. Just little comments she has made make me feel uncomfortable, shes very straight talking and i get embaressed with things she asks even though they are questions loads of people have asked in the past lol very strange. Like for example she asked if i had been with a man or if i liked men now and i felt embaressed to tell her lol i dont know why, she also looks at my boobs alot without trying to make it obvious, and it makes me a little uneasy and i end up sitting there with my arms crossed lol. Anyway thanks for your advice Anastasia and Bibi it means alot.
Hugs Cheryl xxxx

[Andy]

You have good instincts of your own. Follow them. If you feel the time is not right for you to engage in a relationship. Then politely don't.