Hi Lisia. Welcome to the forum.
Don't worry about the long post. I have been known to make a few myself.
(oh, here is one now)
I think many of us here can understand your feelings. Not accepting a part of yourself, even considering it wrong or sick. Can cause you to damage yourself. For myself, self-acceptance of the parts of my phyche that I had refused to accept. Was a key to feellng better about myself. So believe me when I say I can understand your post.
As to more questions than answers. Well you have to just take it one day at a time.
As to pumping, there is a section here on pumping (vaccum) that is full of information. The nooglebery site also has a forum that is informative. Members of the noogleberry forum can get a discount when ordering. So if you are planning to order one. It might be worth looking into. I have heard it mentioned that being active in the forum can get you a higher discount. I have not looked at that yet.
Yes there is a concern over when to stop. Or if you can bring yourself to stop once you have begun. The physical changes you are looking for in your breast. The ladies here refer to it as booby greed. I won't mention the dangers of the permanency of the physical changes possible from NBE. From the comments in your post. I believe you have already considered the relevant issues and accepted the potential results.
I myself have reached a point to where I have filled out my moobs a bit. They are now at a point to where they are fuller and rounder. A bit more noticible. At least to me. They measure out, according to the tape and the international bra calculator, to a small A. Of course on a male chest that spreads out a little.
Money and a medical concern put me into position where I have stopped NBE. But, I have decided during this break. That I most definately, want to start again, have decided to start again, will be starting again.
But, First I need to put together a little money. I have decided to change my program a little. I am adding a noog. anda few new herbs to my program. I will need to purchase some of these herbs in bulk online. They are not available locally and so far I have been using the few herbs that have been available. I think this time I will attempt to grow until I feel I have reached the size that I feel more comfortable with. Like yourself. I have no intention in the forseeable future of fully transitioning. Then again, we don't always know what the future holds. Do we?
As far as concealment goes. I have been looking at some of the gynomastia vests advertised on the web. In situations where it would be better to go more "un-noticed" or stealth in reverse. Some of these products advertise would seem to hold some promise.
Whenever we as individuals decide to change a part of ourselves. Particularly the physical. There is always a period of re-adjustment for those around us. We simply can hope that the people in our lives. Will recognize that the changes we have undergone. Make us a better and happier, more complete person, than we were before.
Yes, I was raised Southern Baptist. Though I have not attended service at my church in a long while. I still consider myself to be Baptist. The reasons for my abscence are many and varied. But not related to the changes that have led me to NBE. When (think positive
) I have gained enough size that concealment is no longer possible. I do not see that as being a problem at church. I consider my journey, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. To be a matter between myself and my GOD. In other words. Private. My congregation may be SBC, but they have always been progressive in their attitudes. Should the reasons for my physical changes become known. I believe there would be a place for me there. Perhaps I am looking at them with rose colored glasses on. If so, I believe there would still be a spiritual home for me here in my town.
Well, that (I think) is enough rambling for now.
Good luck with your NBE. Keep us up to date on your progress.
Good journey
andy
See I told you I have been known to make large, long posts...:angel: