[❇ Abby ❇]

This is a update for all that know me and what's been happening.

Anyone that knows me or has read some of my posts probably realises that I have been suffering from a life threatening episode of depression for over a year and a half. I've been to hell and never thought I'd ever escape. I've considered ending it all many times to the point it consumed my every waking thought.

Things have changed. I am not saying I've been miraculous cured, but I realise now that the future is not set in stone and with help I can change it! I know there is a lot of hard work to do but I feel better able to face it.

The changes in me I can attribute to a combination of medication, intensive counselling and the wonderful help from friends on this forum.

Initially I was sceptical about taking medication for my depression as I felt it would simply be disguising the problem. Now I realise it gives me the ability to deal with them. Typically for me I could not be normal. Lol. I was having terrible side effects and was basically a zombie. Barely capable of looking after myself. I managed to get sensible enough to see my doctor and he described me as having an extreme sensitivity to SSRI's. 50mg is the normal starting dose and 100mg is the average normal dose. I am now on 25mg and I may have to half that! Lol. F*** being normal, I'm SPECIAL!! Lol.

Counselling is far more effective this time and it's really helping me to sort through stuff.

Denita

[Lenneth]

good to hear you are doing better.

[ElainMoria]

Glad to know that you are doing better. Depression can really mess with our heads and make us feel beyond worthless. It's great that you have an understanding doctor who is willing to adjust your dosages to suit your body response. I went through several before finding one that didn't insist on making me the walking dead. It's not easy battling it, but with proper medication management, counseling and good friends, you can accomplish more than you thought you could while in the throes of depression.

*hugs*

~Elain

[Heather-H]

This is a update for all that know me and what's been happening.

Anyone that knows me or has read some of my posts probably realises that I have been suffering from a life threatening episode of depression for over a year and a half. I've been to hell and never thought I'd ever escape. I've considered ending it all many times to the point it consumed my every waking thought.

Things have changed. I am not saying I've been miraculous cured, but I realise now that the future is not set in stone and with help I can change it! I know there is a lot of hard work to do but I feel better able to face it.

The changes in me I can attribute to a combination of medication, intensive counselling and the wonderful help from friends on this forum.

Initially I was sceptical about taking medication for my depression as I felt it would simply be disguising the problem. Now I realise it gives me the ability to deal with them. Typically for me I could not be normal. Lol. I was having terrible side effects and was basically a zombie. Barely capable of looking after myself. I managed to get sensible enough to see my doctor and he described me as having an extreme sensitivity to SSRI's. 50mg is the normal starting dose and 100mg is the average normal dose. I am now on 25mg and I may have to half that! Lol. F*** being normal, I'm SPECIAL!! Lol.

Counselling is far more effective this time and it's really helping me to sort through stuff.

Denita

Oh Denita dear,
I am so very sorry to learn of your recent health issues. I didn't know and thought it was all behind you now. Shows how stupid I am and how little I know.
Get well soon, please ignore my PM reply to you, you concentrate on your wellbeing which is the most important thing.
Thinking of you.

Love & Hugs

Heather

[flamesabers]

Hello Denita,

I'm glad to hear life has been improving for you. From personal experience I know medication and therapy can make a big difference with coping with depression. If you don't mind me asking, what SSRI are you taking?

[❇ Abby ❇]

Update time.

My depression is definitely lessoning and I have a renewed optimism for the future. Unfortunately I have to change medication due to the excessive side effects that I have been suffering.

At the start I was on 50mg Sertraline but it made me a total dribbling zombie. I was barely able to construct a coherent sentence.
25mg Sertraline was not enough to help fight the depression. I relapsed.
37.5mg Sertraline worked to a point, but annoyingly the side effects resurfaced and it was difficult to keep to a consistent dose when you have to cut 1/4 off a 50mg. Yay for having extreme sensitivity! lol

So today I am moving across to Fluoxetine 20mg another SSRI. I hope it works OK.

Counselling

The counsellor is helping me more than I can describe. Far more than the psychiatrist I was seeing did.
Initially talking about gender issues was incredibly difficult but it has helped so very much.

I can say "I am no longer an immediate suicide risk.". I can't say it is no longer an option because for me, denying the feeling somehow gives it power. As an ex-smoker I choose not to smoke but saying I will never smoke again is too much pressure. Does that make sense? Today I can choose what I do and I will worry about tomorrow if and when it becomes today.

Other Stuff.

Finances have improved and I finally have enough extra that I can order Pueraria Mirifica once I get my new bank card next week.

Have decided my user name does not suit me and my personality. So I will be changing it soon.

Thank you all for your best wishes.

[pom19]

Denita, join a yoga class. You will be amazed how much it will help you. You will feel sooo good about your body and mind. Blessings, POM

[flamesabers]

Denita,

Sertraline is available in 25mg pills. If you ever decide to go back on it, maybe 37.5 mg would work for you with no serious side-effects?

I have spent a little time taking Fluoxetine. My highest dose was 60 mg. I don't think I had much problems with side-effects, but I don't think it really helped with managing the depressive symptoms.

As for the thoughts of suicide I think I can relate. When recovering from depression, the intensity and frequency of suicidal thoughts diminish, however, the fear of having a full relapse can still remain. Hopefully you can get to the point that you can acknowledge if things do take a turn for the worst, you'll remember that help is out there and life can get better.

[elainecd]

It's so good to hear you are dealing with your depression.
Good luck with your continued recovery.
E

[❇ Abby ❇]

Denita, join a yoga class. You will be amazed how much it will help you. You will feel sooo good about your body and mind. Blessings, POM

Thank you Pom for the suggestion. Great idea. I would love to go to yoga or pilates classes but all the local classes I have found are ridiculously expensive.

I have got Darcey Bussell's Pilates for Life that I brought years ago. I admit I have not looked at it in a couple of years.

Fabulous excuse to buy my first pair of yoga pants!!! lol

The depression over the last year and a half has taken it's toll on my physique. I have lost some muscle mass, toning and also gained a bit of a belly.

Abby