As for Kari's suggestion of writing your way through it. One thing you can do is to open up another e-mail account and when you feel like writing about any part of how you feel now, do so in an e-mail and send that to your new account! You don't have to open it and read it, you know what you just wrote, but, maybe a few months to a year or so down the road, go there and open them and read what you wrote and you can take note of how much you've advanced in that amount of time, or notice how different you felt about things "back then" and how much you've progressed since then.
A slightly less cheaper way to do it is to go to your local store and buy a big spiral note book with a few hundred blank lined pages and just hand-write your thoughts in there (or, if you have a recording device, just talk onto it) and then, when you want to look later, it's right there instead of risking your e-mails going into the ethers never to be seen again if you don't open them by a certain amount of time. My ex-girlfriend in the `80's & I did that for a while. We called them our "Book Of Shadows". Of course, we'd date and time each entry so we'd know when it was that we felt how we felt at each point in time. I don't think I've bothered to go through mine in a good while, but I'm sure it'd be interesting! That was SUCH an INCREDIBLY emotional period of time for me!!

Fire and Ice's suggestion of listening to your body is a great idea for just about EVERYTHING! A few years ago, I had a SEVERELY bad bout with back trouble!! It hurt so badly that, I couldn't MOVE the first few days!! With help, I made it to the kitchen table and laid on it on my back and did a LOT of crying!! After a few hours of that, I got very tired from it and had to yawn!! Just THAT made my back hurt INCREDIBLY much!!!! I couldn't BELIEVE just a YAWN could be so insanely painful!!!!
Well, after a day or two, I decided to try walking around inside the house to loosen it up a bit. After a while, my body just said I needed to stretch me legs on the bottom two stairs to the second floor, then it said I had to lie on the floor with ice on my back, then I had to switch heat for a while, then walk some more. whatever my body told me I needed to do at any given moment, I did it, and I eventually got better! It maybe took two weeks, or so, but it worked!!

As for Kari's suggestion of writing your way through it. One thing you can do is to open up another e-mail account and when you feel like writing about any part of how you feel now, do so in an e-mail and send that to your new account! You don't have to open it and read it, you know what you just wrote, but, maybe a few months to a year or so down the road, go there and open them and read what you wrote and you can take note of how much you've advanced in that amount of time, or notice how different you felt about things "back then" and how much you've progressed since then.

That's an awesome idea WantAPair! I wish I had saved my writing in a similar format but before I thought of it, I had already written volumes here. When it was assembled a month ago, I had about 250 pages of small text! I'm convinced that's why I haven't needed a professional counselor.

As for Kari's suggestion of writing your way through it. One thing you can do is to open up another e-mail account and when you feel like writing about any part of how you feel now, do so in an e-mail and send that to your new account! You don't have to open it and read it, you know what you just wrote, but, maybe a few months to a year or so down the road, go there and open them and read what you wrote and you can take note of how much you've advanced in that amount of time, or notice how different you felt about things "back then" and how much you've progressed since then.

That's an awesome idea WantAPair! I wish I had saved my writing in a similar format but before I thought of it, I had already written volumes here. When it was assembled a month ago, I had about 250 pages of small text! I'm convinced that's why I haven't needed a professional counselor.

Yeah, that COULD be a good way to avoid counseling!
I haven't done it in years, but, in a way, I still do, so to speak. I have a great friend that I tend to write those kinds of things to, now, and sometimes she writes back in response. Most of the time, she's too busy with her kids and working at least 2 jobs, but, she DOES still respond amicably. When we first met 12 years ago, she was still single and we'd spend hours at a time chatting in IM online and on the phone!! I'd help her as much as I could and she'd help me as much as she could. We're like siblings! The loving kind! (None of my real siblings treat me that way.)

You Gals are awesome.

Thanks for the advice, the tips, the stories, the support, the just being there and listening.

That is so helpful and I'm truly grateful for you spending your precious time with a basket case like little me.

Got some good news, found a counselor in a small town close by and she does specialise in gender dysphoria...mostly in kids and young adults, thought. But she sounds so nice and is willing to take on my case and see what if she can help me an if we can work together.

For the first time in a long time I feel like there is a ray of light breaking through the thick clouds of my confused mind.

Will wait with any kind of "self-treatment" until I spoke with her.

Thanks again for your time.

You are all very amazing.

Big hug,

J.

Welcome to BN, sister.

The point you're at is just the start. It took me a long time to figure out who I am wasn't nearly as important as who I wanted to be.

I've seen many people in your position, and I've seen as many different results as I have people. Some realized that they wanted a full gender transition, and others were content simply having someone to talk to. In my own journey, I certainly never expected it would lead me to where I am now, and I am happier than I have been in my life. And yes, taking that first step was the toughest part.

Things start to move a quicker pace than I imagined.

The first meeting with the selfhelp group is tomorrow evening. What a lucky coinicidence, that I found out about them a week before their next monthly meeting.

And a session opened up with my, probably, future counselor next week as well.

Since I'm living alone right now, I was living as a woman the last week as soon as I got home and I feel so much more at ease it is incredible.

I just feel so peaceful, whole and right when I'm a woman and do my evening routine as Justine and not my male self.

I don't know if it is your kind words of encouragement, or if the pressure got to big and I needed busting out, but something just shiftted and click since I came here.

Thank you for that and thanks for caring about my case.

Will see where it goes after next week, but if I keep feeling better and better, I guess I finally found my way....hopefully.

Big sunday kisses,

Justine

Sounds like things are looking much brighter for you. I hope things continue to go well for you and you're on the path that will finally make you complete and whole.

Hi another update from little old moi.

Had the first meeting with the supprt group. What a bunch of lovely people and I guess I found a new Transfriend who will be with me alomg my way.

Also had my first session with my new counselor and she is truly amazing. Usually specialises in sexual problems and gender disphoria in children and young adults, but she read up and contacted colleques and will take on my case.

We discussed a lot an she will look into natural hormones, e.g. PM as well.

Things are looking up and I'm living more and more as woman every day.
Only during work I'm still my old male self, but I will work on that as well with the help of all the wonderful people I met within the last month.
That includes you here as well.

Love and big hugs,

Justine

Since I'm living alone right now, I was living as a woman the last week as soon as I got home and I feel so much more at ease it is incredible.

I just feel so peaceful, whole and right when I'm a woman and do my evening routine as Justine and not my male self.

I know what you mean, Justine!! For SOME reason, once the female attire goes on, it's just SOOO much more calming, relaxing, comfy and cozy!!!! An over-all feeling of peacefulness!! The only dread is when it comes time to take it all off and become "NORMAL", again. :-( And WHY?? JUST so you can, "fit in"!!!! All the other lemmings jump off the cliff so WE have to, too!! BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!!!! WHAT happened to freedom and individuality??? Remember when "Sesame Street" and "Misterogers", used to teach us that?? Remember when that was the cry of the hippy? BE YOURSELF!!!! Who wants carbon copies of everyone else???? Yet, that's what we have!!