Well, after a few weeks here I thought I would do a small introduction. Like most of you girls I seem to have a gender identity disorder. Its something I have been carrying around since before I was school age. As a child I was very sensitive, so much so I was often called a big girls blouse by some of my older male relatives. So, I ended up putting a mask on my feelings and pretended to be a "man" ( or boy at that time ). Fast forward to present, in my mid 50`s I sat down and opened up to my wife of 25+ years. Its taken almost a year, and some visits to several counselors for both of us. Its not all plain sailing, we still have our good days and bad days. In the last month or so I joined a local ( in the next town over ) Gender journeys program, so far I have only attended in drab as my wife has yet to see me dressed up. She likes to drop me off at the meetings and pick me back up. The group invited my wife to attend the Gender X program ( held after my meeting ) so she has been meeting with other trans males and females. ( this has turned out to be more beneficial than any counselor )

Presently, I have been shopping with my wife for female clothes and hopefully in the next week or so I should be able to attend as me, as I feel I should be. My wife has still not seen me dressed, but at her request I did dress and do a little makeup and added a cheap nasty wig, ( I hope to get a better wig in the next week or so ). She felt it was easier to see a picture of me first, so she could examine her feelings without having to confront it in reality.

I am going a lot slower than I would like to do, but for my marriage I am trying to go at her pace.

I am trying my hardest to be as open as I can, but after keeping things buried and private for 50 years or so its a real uphill struggle.

Anyhow ... As you can see by my avatar, this is Jamie.

Well, after a few weeks here I thought I would do a small introduction. Like most of you girls I seem to have a gender identity disorder. Its something I have been carrying around since before I was school age. As a child I was very sensitive, so much so I was often called a big girls blouse by some of my older male relatives. So, I ended up putting a mask on my feelings and pretended to be a "man" ( or boy at that time ). Fast forward to present, in my mid 50`s I sat down and opened up to my wife of 25+ years. Its taken almost a year, and some visits to several counselors for both of us. Its not all plain sailing, we still have our good days and bad days. In the last month or so I joined a local ( in the next town over ) Gender journeys program, so far I have only attended in drab as my wife has yet to see me dressed up. She likes to drop me off at the meetings and pick me back up. The group invited my wife to attend the Gender X program ( held after my meeting ) so she has been meeting with other trans males and females. ( this has turned out to be more beneficial than any counselor )

Presently, I have been shopping with my wife for female clothes and hopefully in the next week or so I should be able to attend as me, as I feel I should be. My wife has still not seen me dressed, but at her request I did dress and do a little makeup and added a cheap nasty wig, ( I hope to get a better wig in the next week or so ). She felt it was easier to see a picture of me first, so she could examine her feelings without having to confront it in reality.

I am going a lot slower than I would like to do, but for my marriage I am trying to go at her pace.

I am trying my hardest to be as open as I can, but after keeping things buried and private for 50 years or so its a real uphill struggle.

Anyhow ... As you can see by my avatar, this is Jamie.

Wishing you luck on your journey . What you are doing is in the best interest of both you and your partner . When you have both parties on same page many upheavals which will come in days to come will be that much easier . There members on forum who have taken these steps and it might help you giving them a PM.

Welcome Jamie!

It's great to have you join the conversation. Sounds like you're on, "the Oregon Trail" with many of us. It's barely a well beaten path and it's full of dangers but if you stick with the rest of the convoy, you'll have help when you need it. The good news is that marriages CAN survive. The biggest indicator of keeping her through transition is the strength of your relationship before anything starts. You're both expressing your feelings the way it sounds and the strategy of seeing you in a picture first is very ingenious. I can testify that some marriages get even deeper and stronger (mine has) because of transition as long as you cling to each other. If you haven't already, I strongly suggest you and your wife read She's Not There by Jennifer Boyland. It will help you and her sort through your feelings on things past, present and future and spark a lot of conversations that need to happen. As always, we're here for you. Great to have you speak up!

Like most of you girls I seem to have a gender identity disorder.

You're free to have whatever you like, I guess... but is that how you want to see yourself? Broken?

Some of us prefer to look at it as something like "gender gifted". Gifts carry burdens, to be sure, but that's the part we have to learn. Along that path, we learn the many blessings it brings, too.

You can have a mental illness. Or you can have a gift. It's up to you.

Which do you prefer?

(Frankly, I find it a bit rude that you find "most" of the folks here to have a "disorder". I'm just going to assume you meant something a little different...! )

Its something I have been carrying around since before I was school age. As a child I was very sensitive, so much so I was often called a big girls blouse by some of my older male relatives.

So were many other boys. It doesn't mean anything other than you were small and effeminate. Possibly. I wasn't particularly noticeably that way, but boys still talk trash and fight. Bigger boys pick on smaller ones. Welcome to Earth. It doesn't mean you're a woman trapped in a man's body, as the story goes.

Guess what? Girls are mean to each other, too. It's perhaps a more emotional bullying and trauma than physical, but I don't think it much varies from that of boys' in intensity.

I am trying my hardest to be as open as I can, but after keeping things buried and private for 50 years or so its a real uphill struggle.

50 years is a long time to keep part of yourself in the closet. The longer it goes (in my observation) the more extreme becomes the whiplash. Be careful, in your newfound exuberance, not to do something you regret.

Welcome aboard Jamie. Glad you decided to join our little sorority/fraternity. It sounds like your wife is trying to do "right" by you, so treat her well. It also appears you two are trying to cope and mend each other, you are already a leg up on some of us here.

Like most of you girls I seem to have a gender identity disorder.

You're free to have whatever you like, I guess... but is that how you want to see yourself? Broken?

Some of us prefer to look at it as something like "gender gifted". Gifts carry burdens, to be sure, but that's the part we have to learn. Along that path, we learn the many blessings it brings, too.

You can have a mental illness. Or you can have a gift. It's up to you.

Which do you prefer?

(Frankly, I find it a bit rude that you find "most" of the folks here to have a "disorder". I'm just going to assume you meant something a little different...! )

Its something I have been carrying around since before I was school age. As a child I was very sensitive, so much so I was often called a big girls blouse by some of my older male relatives.

So were many other boys. It doesn't mean anything other than you were small and effeminate. Possibly. I wasn't particularly noticeably that way, but boys still talk trash and fight. Bigger boys pick on smaller ones. Welcome to Earth. It doesn't mean you're a woman trapped in a man's body, as the story goes.

Guess what? Girls are mean to each other, too. It's perhaps a more emotional bullying and trauma than physical, but I don't think it much varies from that of boys' in intensity.

I am trying my hardest to be as open as I can, but after keeping things buried and private for 50 years or so its a real uphill struggle.

50 years is a long time to keep part of yourself in the closet. The longer it goes (in my observation) the more extreme becomes the whiplash. Be careful, in your newfound exuberance, not to do something you regret.

Miss c - ouch ... Sorry you feel that way. You must have a raw nerve there somwhere.?

I'm no doctor, so the feeling I post are my interpretation if you find that it does not apply to you, then my apologies . we all have different experiences and feeling, wants and needs, I think it is fair enough to say one cookie cutter does not fit us all.

Thanks for the welcome girls.