[bryony]

When I joined last year I saw many of your posts.
Exciting to have you back...big hug.
I've been on 2000 mg a day of PM for six months now and very interested in what you have to say about your long term use.

Hello Elaine!

I hope what I wrote was useful. I might not be so forthright now. Back in Nov 2011 I had emerged from a bad place of long-term mild depression and anxiety into mild euphoria. I was so zonked, knowing that using an appropriate dose of PM could actually allow people like me, happily married to a "normal" wife with a "normal" family to function, without all the hoo-hah of psychiatrists, and possibly a bad, life-altering choice to go forward with some kind of transition, that I became a kind of zealot, preaching that my way was the only way, and not understanding why other people could not see the blindingly obvious!

At that stage, too, my wife's menopause had not kicked in to the point where penetration had become unenjoyable, and so I was taking one week out in 4 to recover the use of my little friend downstairs.

After I took a break from contributing, And menopause said "enough is enough", I found that I no longer had the need for cold turkey, so I didn't. My ability to maintain an erection quickly disappeared, and, over the last year or so, I'm pretty sure testicular atrophy has occurred.... for one thing, I can give them an experimental whack without much in the way of effects, pain-wise.

Most of my body hair has stopped growing, apart from around the belly area. Oily skin has disappeared. Boobs are _amazingly_ erogenous. Most of all, though, is that I have lost pretty much all of the nasty male aggression I had.

My mood is mostly calm and relaxed. It is still more responsive to stressful situations than it should be, but on such days, I have extra doses of PM.

I can get by with 2x500g going to bed and rising, but I often have the same dose at midday and early evening.

I'll probably expand all this in it's own thread, because one important theory I have is that the lower back pain that I first experienced at the start, and wrote about, and for the last time a few months ago, is referred pain due to testicular atrophy.

Some evidence is here Susan's House of Correction (my little joke - you can get kicked off soooo easily)

So I think the back pain is the inguinal canals getting inflamed - though I can't be sure.

It is _really_ weird not having real erections anymore, but more than compensated for by the amazing realisation that females definitely have more capacity for fun - assuming you are lucky enough to have the genes that wire your nipples to the pleasure centre of the brain.

If I didn't have those, I would definitely keep on with the cold turkey!

TTFN

B.

[AnnieBL]

Bryony,

Its great to see you back. When I first joined BN three years ago, I regarded you as my mentor and really missed you when you vanished. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that you were back I'm no longer as assiduous a follower of BN as I once was, and over the last few days have been up in the air over receiving my official change of name certificate - so now I really legally am Annabel, although I have been living full time as Annabel P. (or Annie for short) for more than six months now. I was so wrong in thinking that just a little of feminisation would be enough for me and I'm so glad for you that you've managed to maintain your own objectives.

[bryony]

Bryony,

Its great to see you back. When I first joined BN three years ago, I regarded you as my mentor and really missed you when you vanished. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that you were back I'm no longer as assiduous a follower of BN as I once was, and over the last few days have been up in the air over receiving my official change of name certificate - so now I really legally am Annabel, although I have been living full time as Annabel P. (or Annie for short) for more than six months now. I was so wrong in thinking that just a little of feminisation would be enough for me and I'm so glad for you that you've managed to maintain your own objectives.

Hi Annie,

wow! I'm touched by all the compliments, and feel guilty now for ducking out when I did.

I think the difference is that I knew that it would have hurt my wife to see me attempting to feminise myself overtly - that is with cosmetics, wigs, clothing etc. The PM she could accept, because she could see the massive difference it was making to my mental health. I think once the dressing up begins, the more unacceptable the tawdriness of male drab becomes.

I guess the lesson here for anyone reading this is to realise that there are two paths you can travel with certainty - coping as a male with the use of herbs, or transition. There are a lucky few who can indulge in the occasional cross-dressing for fun - but I group them with the rare breed of occasional smokers who can take it or leave it.

Simply put - don't dabble unless you are prepared to go all the way!

I'm just surprised that there are so many wives around who are so accepting!

I suppose it is easier for me, in a way. One of the reasons I have the moniker "Heretic" is that I refuse to accept politically-imposed orthodoxies.

I _know_ that the medical nutritional orthodoxy, which only seems to benefit Big Pharma, Big Food, Politicians political funds and not very many humans would have killed me if I had not abandoned it.

I am _certain_ that the current climate science (AGW) orthodoxy is a crock.

And I _know_ that by the definition of the now heretical trio of Bailey-Blanchard-Lawrence, that I _am_ an autogynephile.

When I was still subject to male sexuality, the only relief that I could get was by fantasising myself as, not only a girl, but a stunning one. Climax would not happen with any other fantasy. When I made love to my wife, I had to imagine that I was the female, and a beautiful one. Beauty is absolutely part and parcel of it.

Female beauty, by and large, is only achievable if you are (a) female or have very feminine bone structure; and (b) are either born beautiful or extremely good at cosmetics and have a good underlying bone structure. (In my opinion) So on all counts, I am doomed!

It's almost more of a body dysphoria than a gender dysphoria. Even if I were a real girl, with my perspective I would be one of those characters constantly trying to achieve the impossible, unless I had been born looking like a supermodel.

Hence, as I keep saying, from my personal perspective, I would be at least as miserable transitioning (but probably much more so) than staying pat.

Sorry to be so depressing! Especially after all those kind words! :-)

TTFN

B.

[AnnieBL]

Hi Annie,

wow! I'm touched by all the compliments, and feel guilty now for ducking out when I did.

I think the difference is that I knew that it would have hurt my wife to see me attempting to feminise myself overtly - that is with cosmetics, wigs, clothing etc. The PM she could accept, because she could see the massive difference it was making to my mental health. I think once the dressing up begins, the more unacceptable the tawdriness of male drab becomes.

I guess the lesson here for anyone reading this is to realise that there are two paths you can travel with certainty - coping as a male with the use of herbs, or transition. There are a lucky few who can indulge in the occasional cross-dressing for fun - but I group them with the rare breed of occasional smokers who can take it or leave it.

Simply put - don't dabble unless you are prepared to go all the way!

I'm just surprised that there are so many wives around who are so accepting!

I suppose it is easier for me, in a way. One of the reasons I have the moniker "Heretic" is that I refuse to accept politically-imposed orthodoxies.

I _know_ that the medical nutritional orthodoxy, which only seems to benefit Big Pharma, Big Food, Politicians political funds and not very many humans would have killed me if I had not abandoned it.

I am _certain_ that the current climate science (AGW) orthodoxy is a crock.

And I _know_ that by the definition of the now heretical trio of Bailey-Blanchard-Lawrence, that I _am_ an autogynephile.

When I was still subject to male sexuality, the only relief that I could get was by fantasising myself as, not only a girl, but a stunning one. Climax would not happen with any other fantasy. When I made love to my wife, I had to imagine that I was the female, and a beautiful one. Beauty is absolutely part and parcel of it.

Female beauty, by and large, is only achievable if you are (a) female or have very feminine bone structure; and (b) are either born beautiful or extremely good at cosmetics and have a good underlying bone structure. (In my opinion) So on all counts, I am doomed!

It's almost more of a body dysphoria than a gender dysphoria. Even if I were a real girl, with my perspective I would be one of those characters constantly trying to achieve the impossible, unless I had been born looking like a supermodel.

Hence, as I keep saying, from my personal perspective, I would be at least as miserable transitioning (but probably much more so) than staying pat.

Sorry to be so depressing! Especially after all those kind words! :-)

TTFN

B.

Hi Bryony,

Most of what you say makes good sense to me. But I found myself in an unusual situation. Unlike most transition seekers, everything had been so deeply repressed I had never in my life cross dressed. Then in May last year I heard of the Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta, and something inside me, aka Annabel, said I must go even if this entailed dressing. My wife would have questioned why on earth I would want to go to an event that for her and my repressed self would have represented everything that we both believed that I hated. This compelled me to come 'out' to her about my gender variance to which she came back that she must either leave me, which after over 50 years of friendship and nearly 35 years of marriage, she would not do, or support me all the way, although there would be a 'price' to pay. My male function had been quite dead for several years which limited our physical relationship and my age (74) limited what surgery we were prepared to contemplate. I realized that I had a strong facial resemblance to what I remember of my maternal grandmother (who was also exceptionally tall) and I felt it was possible to transition to some sort of benevolent grannie. And as soon as I did finally dress that way I immediately became Annabel (who is much more outgoing and much ess self conscious) and have remained so full time ever since. This has been much easier than trying to be beautiful, or younger than I am (though in fact I reckon it gives me 10 years) and limits any surgery to the absolute minimum needed to be comfortable as Annabel in the body I was born with. The hardest part for both of us has been dealing with the marital relationship but we are both (most of the time) determined to make it work. And believe me, it is wonderful for Annabel (Annie) finally to have her time in the sun.

[bryony]

Hi again Annie,

I think if it works for you, and makes you happy, that's great, especially as your wife doesn't mind going along with it. I've just sent a fuller reply on this to Clara here
http://www.breastnexus.com/showthread.php?tid=23085&pid=145313#pid145313
if you are interested.

Also put my latest pix in the gallery for a laugh!

B.

[Scotti]

3) Weight loss has continued steadily, now down to 147 lbs from a maximum of 182. Let me know if you want to know how easy it is. (Hint: 5 lbs a year keeps it off)

B.

Hello bryony.

I'm curious to know how easy it is. My weight has fluctuated between 200 and 220, though I'd like to get down to 180. Problem is having a family to cook for and beer just tastes too good!

Look forward to the reply.

[bryony]

Hi Scotti,

The good news is that it is really quite easy to lose the first chunk of weight!

It all hinges on how willing you are to dismiss orthodox medical nutritional advice.

I can't get away without a little bit of a lengthy explanation...

It goes like this... As we evolved into our modern form over 2 million years, our diet consisted mainly of meat, offal, fats, green leafy vegetables, seeds, nuts and berries, the occasional root, and the fairly rare cache of honey.

Our primary energy source was fats - mostly animal fats. When we eat sufficient fats for our energy needs, we become satisfied and don't need to eat again until it is necessary. Evolution developed our ability not only to consume carbohydrates - starchy roots and sugars (usually honey caches) but also to store excess energy consumed that way as body fat. Furthermore, because such stores of carbs in the wild occurred rarely, our bodies allow us to over eat in excess of our energy needs, and it is much harder to satisfy our appetites using carbs, and such satiation does not last as long as with fats.

When we learned how to develop and harvest grains, the huge advantage of abundant food meant that humans got more time to breed and become civilised.
So carbs became our primary food source. Although the nutrition wasn't as good - human became shorter, their teeth rotted earlier - the advantage in Darwinian terms meant that it did not matter how soon we died after we procreated.

Therefore carbs became our primary food source, and evolution got turned on its head.

It is quite hard to find any mainstream scientists willing to admit that we evolved to eat fats rather than carbs, but think on this: we store excess carbs as fat. Why? Presumably so that in times of short term famine we can live off of our fat.

But the metabolism of fats is completely different to the metabolism of glucose. You need to adapt your body chemistry to burning fat. This process takes a few days, during which time you can experience flu-like symptoms until you adapt.

Meanwhile while you are carb-adapted, you get ravenously hungry. When you eat carbs, your blood sugar levels increase. Any excess glucose gets mopped up by insulin and is eventually converted into fat. In young people this process works well, but in older people, the glucose gets converted quicker due to a phenomenon called "insulin resistance", which eventually causes diabetes. So what happens is you get fatter but also hungrier.

When you are adapted to eating fats, your fat stores act like a reserve fuel tank, and if you don't eat enough to cover your energy needs, your body seamlessly switches over to burning your fat stores - and you don't feel hungry - or at least not ravenously hungry.

That is how it is supposed to work

So to lose weight easily, first you have to become fat-adapted. This means limiting your carbohydrate consumption to between 50g-100g per day. When you start to burn fats for energy, then you are in a metabolic state called "ketosis", and you can test for this with urine sticks called "Ketostix" (Amazon carry them).

For most people, just giving up grain-based foods will immediately cause weight loss.

Stop eating bread, pasta, rice, oats, processed foods containing these products.
Limit your beer to the weekends and only 1 per day. If you drink wine, stick to red. If you get hungry, eat fat-based snacks, like olives, walnuts, macademia nuts, cheese, pork rinds, or meaty snacks like beef jerky.

It really is a lifestyle change, not a diet. Eventually as you move towards your target weight, you find that your weight plateaus.

At this stage you need to use a web-based tool like myfitnesspal.com and plug in everything you eat.

I find that to lose weight, I have to limit my daily intake of calories to about 1000, my carbs to fewer than 50g, and my calories from fat to be 80% of the total.

However, I am 62, 5'8" and 147 lbs, so the calories will be different for you.

There is a lot more detail and recipes for people who want to eat like our ancestors. Google Paleo diet (or Primal = Paleo plus dairy)
You could also google "Tim Noakes" together with "Banting" which will give you lots of pointers.

Finally, to get you started, have a look at the Green list - this contains foods you can eat pretty much what you want from. (there is also an orange and red list too)

http://realmealrevolution.com/real-food-lists

Hope this helps!

B.

[Scotti]

Awesome reply, thanks a lot for this!

Quite a bit of it I've tried to accomplish for previous reasons, and I do achieve this in spurts mainly because I give in to temptation. I guess mind over matter will prevail every time...just got to get the right mindset if I want to win this battle.

Looks like I have some new goals to set...starting Monday!

[bryony]

Awesome reply, thanks a lot for this!

Quite a bit of it I've tried to accomplish for previous reasons, and I do achieve this in spurts mainly because I give in to temptation. I guess mind over matter will prevail every time...just got to get the right mindset if I want to win this battle.

Looks like I have some new goals to set...starting Monday!

I tend to be very strict during the week but relax a bit at the weekends... have beer on Sat/Sun only! So there is some oscillation, but a 5-2 regimen is easier to maintain than a 7-day regimen.

B.