Hi Clara, yea its getting pretty depressing looking for a job Im very confident as a woman and I know I "pass" (I hate that term, Im just ME)..... We'll that's great and I do get a positive response when doing in person job applications but I either have to out myself or everything is just way too vague... Anyone will have a hard time finding work with ZERO work experience at 46 years old On paper it looks terrible even for the most entry level job no matter what I do....

Yes it's a great feeling when you realize people really have no clue your trans, congrats Sis

So since its been a year for me on the HRT and 15 months if you add in the NBE and 18 months since I started my transition I think I will write a bit on where Im at now.... WOW it often feels like NOTHING is happening but looking back, especially at my older pictures I can see a HUGE change for the better

Since going back on the higher dosage shots Ive been feeling MUCH better My facial hair was coming in again but I did two hours of electro on my upper lip and chin last week and Im gonna do more on Monday and hopefully get cleared again... OUCH is all I can say about doing the upper lip Things seem back to normal now after my second shot at 18mg Body hair even slows down, its just SO much better Sometimes I'll admit I feel euphoric and just so right and SUPER feminine, usually when my E is peaking So whatever whether its real or just a delusional effect from the E I can feel more and more a powerful effect on my state of mind... I know its maybe a clique but I truly do FEEL like a woman and that has to show on the outside Ive read that E can permanently change the way the brain works and I didn't fully buy that but more and more Im seeing that its true... Maybe its just because Im more relaxed and at ease the farther things go but I just feel better on more E rather than less... Id say its sometimes just a feeling of pure feminine bliss that is addictive.... Often that's combined with a feeling of arousal that just lasts for hours on end Not just down there either, I do even get some nice sensations there, but its just a whole body feeling... Its a very pleasant on the edge feeling, even just my clothes on my skin is a very nice feeling... Combine that with a mans touch and its just incredible... Thats all I'll say about that LOL

I do feel like that last ramp down then up as started a growth surge though The nipples have been itchy and sore and the entire aureola seems to be pushing out, if experience is a guide the pointyness will soon round out a bit when I go on the middle of the P cycle where I go up to 200mg for a week... They really don't seem to be growing as fast as they did for the first 6-8 months but at least they still seem to be SLOWLY getting more feminine looking, less like moobs and more like boobs But its much more than just the tits.... More and more I feel less dysphoria and see a woman in the mirror, and an attractive one too Im so happy I have potentially a few more years to see further feminization from the HRT I will sometimes surprise myself with my reflection more often on the higher E dosage While they aren't as fem as Id like I do see more and more some curves and an actual fem figure I seem to find more and more femme clothes that fit right at least It used to take me ALL day to go out shopping and trying things on to find just a few items I was happy enough with to buy and then to actually wear it... Now Im feeling much more comfortable and I have more choices that I can actually wear Hopefully that will just continue getting better

It's not all from the E though.... Lately even though Ive been smoking again my voice has been surprising me with how good its been sounding Its been a bit more than 5 months post op now and I really do think Im still seeing improvement While Im still nowhere near happy with it I do find it very easy to talk on the phone most of the time and Ive been getting mam'ed just about all the time now I can really fem it up there with some effort at least and that's NICE I find that if I get it right at first, even if I let it go lower it doesn't really matter because people all ready have it registered as female... But it used to be tiring and it's getting stronger and easier to keep it there now... Still if I have to do a lot of talking it will get weak and even hard to get volume but it's getting there.... Sometimes I'll even surprise myself with being able to get real loud and sound OK which I couldn't do even a month ago... Dr Haben said I could see significant further pitch increase out to 6-9 months and its a relief that seems to be happening even if only modestly better... I feel like this surgery has been huge for me in eliminating a lot of dysphoria and greatly increasing my confidence and well being WELL worth the $$$ and long recovery

Which brings me to my FFS, its equally HUGE for me to no longer see such a masculine face in the mirror While there is still a lot of numbness and even swelling I feel more and more sensation returning... It will be 2 months on the 24th, WOW time flies even though like I said things often feel stuck and going nowhere Then I'll realize things HAVE changed for the better even if only a little Sometimes I will be taken completely by surprise by the WOMANS face looking back at me in the mirror Along with the voice it's just been HUGE for my confidence and well being... I simply worry less and less about being seen as male, when I get dysphoric about my body (and I still do ) I can at least know my face and voice aren't perceived at all as male where as before it was MUCH harder to not feel like I was a complete fraud and how could anyone not see it... Ive always had to just overlook the things and just try to make the best of things... I still have my bad days but they are fewer and farther between, especially on the higher E dosage

Next weds I go see my new psych for the second time and Im hoping to get her to write that letter for Brassard soon... I think more and more about a successful outcome and how much better things would be... Yes the recovery scares the shit out of me knowing more about how long I take to heal From what Ive read it's 6 months minimum before things start to look and feel right and it can take up to 2 years to see the final result... I also worry about extreme pain and depression and even regret after my ordeal with FFS.... Hopefully that experience will leave me more prepared to deal with what sounds like a HARD recovery physically and even mentally.... Still more and more I can envision just how damn NICE it would be to have the right equipment down there that worked well and looked right

So thats about it for now... I'll try to get some newer pics soon but today Im just taking it easy, gotta get my house cleaned up for another potential "date" or two next week

Well its nice to be back on a full dose of E for the last 20 days

My last shot was 24mg EV and today I decided to go with 28mg, that outta be interesting over the next 2-3 days!!!

Still on the Avodart and 300mg Spiro daily.... Went a week off the progesterone... This cycle Ive gone right to 200mg split afternoon/early evenings... Im thinking Im gonna try going with 300mg P this cycle with the higher E level... 100mg of P with my three 100mg daily doses of spiro...

This higher dosage is likely to put my E and maybe P levels in the range a pregnant woman would have... My tits have been pretty full and sore lately and Im hoping to get some improved feminization... I can tell you psychologically at least I feel pretty damn good on higher E

Ive noticed that a higher dose of P definitely has an effect on my skin and nails in a good way... My skin is much softer and my nails seem stronger, I notice when I take a week off P my skin dries out and I break nails

My face is slowly getting better at 9 weeks post op and regaining sensation and the numbness is really starting to go down... My scalp especially, it itches a lot and I can actually feel it now when I touch it... My forehead/eye sockets have almost normal feeling now, just a little soreness left on the bridge of my nose... The right side of my jaw/chin and even the right half of my lower lip is getting better as well but its still the worst area by far The left side feels almost 100% so Im hoping in time I will fully recover... It is getting better though because my last electro session HURT for the first time in a while, while that sucks it is a good thing I guess

All of my scars are fully healed now and you cant see the ones from the facelift at all, my ears are still a little numb but almost back to normal now The lip lift scar is nearly invisible and I can get away with just some max strength sunscreen now... It will still itch now and then but I rarely ever think about it anymore... The tip of my nose is still just a little sore but nearly 100% My upper lip seems OK now, not so huge and I think Im gonna be able to live with the result there as is... The big one on my forehead isn't red at all anymore but still pretty gnarly looking

Im starting to wish he would have been a little more aggressive with the brow and even the face lift though... My brows could be a bit higher and Im starting to see some of the old wrinkles and lines on my face, forehead, and upper eyelids coming back Still much better though and I am 46.... I get carded for cigs and alcohol though a lot so maybe its all in my head

How about delivering newspapers. It's a start and you're practically your own boss! I had 8 different routes at the same time!! They bring the papers to your place around 2 or 3 a.m. and you have another 4 hours to deliver them. EASY work!! Not bad pay for essentially a few hours of work each week! When I did it, I'd stay up and wait for the papers, spend half an hour folding them while watching The Bowery Boys and as soon as the movie was over, I'd go out and deliver them! My customers were THRILLED to have their paper by 3 or 4 a.m. instead of 7 or 8 a.m.!! If you drive, you can do it in your car, but I did them all on foot. NOBODY'S around to bug you, put your headphones on and get some exercise walking all over the place!! Wear slinky skirts and stuff if you want to! It's a great!!
People here drive the route, now, and half the time we don't even get a damn paper!!!! I'm seriously considering taking it up again!!
Also, you can try Craig's List or Angie's List or Indeed.com.
Good luck, hun!!

Im starting to wish he would have been a little more aggressive with the brow and even the face lift though... My brows could be a bit higher and Im starting to see some of the old wrinkles and lines on my face, forehead, and upper eyelids coming back Still much better though and I am 46.... I get carded for cigs and alcohol though a lot so maybe its all in my head

I was warned NOT to do the face lift for 6 months when the swelling from FFS was gone, and soft tissue readjustment to my new bone/cartilage contours is complete. Doing a face lift at the same time as FFS (especially with jaw and chin work) will be, at best, 80% effective. FFS surgeons are reluctant to tell you this because they know that you have a much larger pool of plastic surgeons to choose from for a face lift, so you're not likely to come back for that face lift when the time is right.

I know you couldn't wait for the rejuvenation, Eva, and that's fine. You'll probably want a second face lift down the road to keep on being carded at the liquor store.

Clara

How about delivering newspapers. It's a start and you're practically your own boss! I had 8 different routes at the same time!! They bring the papers to your place around 2 or 3 a.m. and you have another 4 hours to deliver them. EASY work!! Not bad pay for essentially a few hours of work each week! When I did it, I'd stay up and wait for the papers, spend half an hour folding them while watching The Bowery Boys and as soon as the movie was over, I'd go out and deliver them! My customers were THRILLED to have their paper by 3 or 4 a.m. instead of 7 or 8 a.m.!! If you drive, you can do it in your car, but I did them all on foot. NOBODY'S around to bug you, put your headphones on and get some exercise walking all over the place!! Wear slinky skirts and stuff if you want to! It's a great!!
People here drive the route, now, and half the time we don't even get a damn paper!!!! I'm seriously considering taking it up again!!
Also, you can try Craig's List or Angie's List or Indeed.com.
Good luck, hun!!

Hey that was my first job many many years ago, used to have to get up early and stuff the paper with ads and I had this huge heavy bag of newspapers hooked to the handlebars on my bike.... Then Id have to go out and ride around and toss the papers and try to keep them on the porch or front walk and not in the bushes or the grass... If I got lazy or missed the porch some crabby old people would call and complain Then like every two weeks Id have to go door to door and collect the $$$ for the paper and hopefully get tipped.... Some did tip and were nice and some miserable people would just bitch at me no matter how good I was at getting their paper to them Damn I HATED that job!!! LOL

All that said I have made it through all the testing, background, credit and driving record checks and a drug test for a rural carrier job with the post office.... I have a final in person interview on Wednesday to be tha mail lady Or is it the male lady LOL

Id LOVE to have this job

Im starting to wish he would have been a little more aggressive with the brow and even the face lift though... My brows could be a bit higher and Im starting to see some of the old wrinkles and lines on my face, forehead, and upper eyelids coming back Still much better though and I am 46.... I get carded for cigs and alcohol though a lot so maybe its all in my head

I was warned NOT to do the face lift for 6 months when the swelling from FFS was gone, and soft tissue readjustment to my new bone/cartilage contours is complete. Doing a face lift at the same time as FFS (especially with jaw and chin work) will be, at best, 80% effective. FFS surgeons are reluctant to tell you this because they know that you have a much larger pool of plastic surgeons to choose from for a face lift, so you're not likely to come back for that face lift when the time is right.

I know you couldn't wait for the rejuvenation, Eva, and that's fine. You'll probably want a second face lift down the road to keep on being carded at the liquor store.

Clara

Your right about that but I have no regrets and I am at least DONE for now anyway

So its been so much better on a higher dose of E, last 2 shots were 28mg EV every five days... Ive also been taking 300mg spiro 100mg morning, afternoon and evenings and Ive been trying out adding 100mg of progesterone with it for 300mg daily usually after a meal....

Well surprisingly I feel pretty good on this higher dose of P and with the higher E things seem to have reawakened in my boobs They have been very sore and full and sensitive with that nice itchy feeling

I feel like the high dose E does more to shut down T than all that spiro so Im going to keep up with that and start slowly lowering my dosage back down to 100-150 mg a day or maybe even drop it all together along with the Avodart...

One thing Im really excited about is trying out going with IM shots of Prolution Depot.... This is Hydroxyprogesterone Caproate, a synthetic progestogen that is chemically the closest synthetic to natural P... From my research on it it has zero androgenic effects and slight estrogenic affects but it is metabolized slower than natural P...

It comes in 1ml glass ampules like my Progynon Depot and a a 250mg shot every 2 weeks is the standard dosage for pregnant women prone to miscarriage... Its half life is 9 days.... Its been around since 1956 and if its allegedly safe for pregnant women it should be fine for me...

I plan to start with a half dose of 125mg and see how it goes... Then inject with every 2-3rd EV shot or every 10-15 days.... Of course Id go off the oral P when I started this and hopefully the spiro and dutas eventually as well... I really like the idea of going with just EV and P all from IM injections and no more pills...

Its been controversial for pregnant women and it used to be called Delalutin, they stopped making that in 1999... It made a resurgence in 2011 and its FDA approved as Makena but its ridiculously expensive, what used to cost $15.00 a month is now like $670.00

Of course its still available worldwide as Prolution Depot and I ordered some, cant wait to try it

http://www.pharmaoffshore.com/index.php?cPath=354

https://www.inhousepharmacy.vu/p-1197-proluton-depot-injection-250mg.aspx

I get my illicit hormones from here

http://www.alldaychemist.com/proluton-depot.html

Of course Im not planning on telling my clueless doc about this... Im hoping to have him write my letter for Brassard soon, seeing my new psych again tomorrow and I think she will be ready to write my second letter hopefully tomorrow...

Of course once Im post op I intend to tell my doc what Ive REALLY been taking... If he's not comfortable working with me for real I will get a referral to a local endo, she has a six week waiting list and you can only see her with a referral and she supposedly has experience with TS HRT.... Id likely still see my doc though because he is the best OB/GYN in town and I will need one for real eventually

Id think he would know about Hydroxy P with all his experience with pregnant women and with a script I could probably get it compounded for a reasonable price... Never know though, when I asked him to change my prometrium script from 200mg before bed to 100mg twice daily he told me to try "splitting them"... Well WTF doc You outta know they are gel caps and you cant split them!!! So that's why I call him "clueless"

How about delivering newspapers. It's a start and you're practically your own boss! I had 8 different routes at the same time!! They bring the papers to your place around 2 or 3 a.m. and you have another 4 hours to deliver them. EASY work!! Not bad pay for essentially a few hours of work each week! When I did it, I'd stay up and wait for the papers, spend half an hour folding them while watching The Bowery Boys and as soon as the movie was over, I'd go out and deliver them! My customers were THRILLED to have their paper by 3 or 4 a.m. instead of 7 or 8 a.m.!! If you drive, you can do it in your car, but I did them all on foot. NOBODY'S around to bug you, put your headphones on and get some exercise walking all over the place!! Wear slinky skirts and stuff if you want to! It's a great!!
People here drive the route, now, and half the time we don't even get a damn paper!!!! I'm seriously considering taking it up again!!
Also, you can try Craig's List or Angie's List or Indeed.com.
Good luck, hun!!

Hey that was my first job many many years ago, used to have to get up early and stuff the paper with ads and I had this huge heavy bag of newspapers hooked to the handlebars on my bike.... Then Id have to go out and ride around and toss the papers and try to keep them on the porch or front walk and not in the bushes or the grass... If I got lazy or missed the porch some crabby old people would call and complain Then like every two weeks Id have to go door to door and collect the $$$ for the paper and hopefully get tipped.... Some did tip and were nice and some miserable people would just bitch at me no matter how good I was at getting their paper to them Damn I HATED that job!!! LOL

All that said I have made it through all the testing, background, credit and driving record checks and a drug test for a rural carrier job with the post office.... I have a final in person interview on Wednesday to be tha mail lady Or is it the male lady LOL

Id LOVE to have this job

When I'd go `round to collect, they'd tell me how they wanted their paper if I wasn't doing it the way they wanted. Most were happy just to have it on the porch, but a couple preferred it be inside the front door, so I'd do that and they were very appreciative. My only hassle was when it'd take weeks for a few of them to pay. "I want my $2.00!!" Lol. Most often it was just they weren't at home for weeks on end, or least not when I was able to collect.
That femailman/male lady/mail lady job is gonna keep you HOPPIN'!!!!
The guy that delivers here tents to run from house to house. Good luck!!

How about delivering newspapers. It's a start and you're practically your own boss! I had 8 different routes at the same time!! They bring the papers to your place around 2 or 3 a.m. and you have another 4 hours to deliver them. EASY work!! Not bad pay for essentially a few hours of work each week! When I did it, I'd stay up and wait for the papers, spend half an hour folding them while watching The Bowery Boys and as soon as the movie was over, I'd go out and deliver them! My customers were THRILLED to have their paper by 3 or 4 a.m. instead of 7 or 8 a.m.!! If you drive, you can do it in your car, but I did them all on foot. NOBODY'S around to bug you, put your headphones on and get some exercise walking all over the place!! Wear slinky skirts and stuff if you want to! It's a great!!
People here drive the route, now, and half the time we don't even get a damn paper!!!! I'm seriously considering taking it up again!!
Also, you can try Craig's List or Angie's List or Indeed.com.
Good luck, hun!!

Hey that was my first job many many years ago, used to have to get up early and stuff the paper with ads and I had this huge heavy bag of newspapers hooked to the handlebars on my bike.... Then Id have to go out and ride around and toss the papers and try to keep them on the porch or front walk and not in the bushes or the grass... If I got lazy or missed the porch some crabby old people would call and complain Then like every two weeks Id have to go door to door and collect the $$$ for the paper and hopefully get tipped.... Some did tip and were nice and some miserable people would just bitch at me no matter how good I was at getting their paper to them Damn I HATED that job!!! LOL

All that said I have made it through all the testing, background, credit and driving record checks and a drug test for a rural carrier job with the post office.... I have a final in person interview on Wednesday to be tha mail lady Or is it the male lady LOL

Id LOVE to have this job

When I'd go `round to collect, they'd tell me how they wanted their paper if I wasn't doing it the way they wanted. Most were happy just to have it on the porch, but a couple preferred it be inside the front door, so I'd do that and they were very appreciative. My only hassle was when it'd take weeks for a few of them to pay. "I want my $2.00!!" Lol. Most often it was just they weren't at home for weeks on end, or least not when I was able to collect.
That femailman/male lady/mail lady job is gonna keep you HOPPIN'!!!!
The guy that delivers here tents to run from house to house. Good luck!!

Thanks

Guess what.... I just got an email informing me that Im now employed for a federal gov agency, the USPS Training starts on June 1st

I WILL be the mail lady, and I will be a damn good and sexy one I intend to go far there, it is my dream job!!!

So you're a male lady now?

Lol I'm sorry. I literally could not resist. That's great!!!!!

I'm really happy for you.