22-06-2015, 10:05 PM
I started NBE just over three years ago. I found this forum around two and a half years ago. In that time I have learned a great deal about gender dysphoria (including the competing theories about the cause). I’ve learned a lot about transgenderism and a lot about myself.
Many of you know that I have posted a number of questions about health issues (specifically I was trying to determine if the issues were at all related to the NBE and my pursuit of full-body feminization). Here’s a rough timeline:
1) Started NBE with Fenugreek, saw palmetto, and red clover in April 2012
2) Developed persistent rotator cuff tendonitis that same month (the tendonitis persisted for 3 years, despite numerous cortisone treatments and physical therapy). I essentially ended weight training at that time.
3) In June 2012 I developed adult-onset vitiligo that affected both my hands and my genitals. The cause remains unknown although the leading theory is it is an autoimmune disorder. I am constantly struggling to keep the vitiligo from spreading with UVB light therapy.
4) I started corset-waist training (tight-lacing) in June 2012 to try and develop a more feminine waistline.
5) In August 2012 I developed severe sciatica running down my left leg. Incredible pain and neurogenic claudication (the inability to walk more than 50 to 100 feet). Started physical therapy and restricted lifestyle (very little exercise and limited mobility; essentially a sedentary lifestyle that led to some relief). I ceased tight-lacing as I could no longer tolerate the corset.
6) In October 2012 an MRI revealed lumbar back issues (a herniated disc at L3 and spinal stenosis at L4/5). Started weighing options for resolution.
7) In January 2013 I started PM. Blood tests that month showed very odd results – my total testosterone was at the very low end of normal and my free testosterone was virtually non-existent (much lower than even norm for a genetic female).
8) In April 2013 I developed persistent and recurring gastric distress including watery discharge from my anus (remains undiagnosed despite a lot of testing; still recurs every few weeks and lasts one to two weeks).
9) In May 2013 I was diagnosed with Melanoma. The melanoma was surgically removed and I underwent IL2 treatments during the summer.
10) In August 2013 I developed persistent muscle fasciculations in both calves (at the time I believed they were due to my back issues – I have since learned that is not the case but is an as of yet undiagnosed motor neuron disorder). The fasciculations continue to this day.
11) I had surgery to address the spinal stenosis in December of 2013. The surgery involved a double laminectomy at L3 and L4. I started physical therapy to recover from the surgery about 6 weeks later.
12) In August 2014 the sciatica returned, this time located higher and on both sides of my body. An MRI revealed I had developed a synovial cyst at L3/4 that was putting pressure on my spinal column. I ceased physical therapy at that time.
13) In November of 2014 I had the synovial cyst aspirated (a very painful process). I experienced immediate relieve but the cyst is reforming and will likely require a fusion at L3/4 to immobilize the facet joint.
14) In late February/March 2015 I was diagnosed with early macular degeneration.
The last three years have been hellish for me physically, particularly since for the first 53 years of my life I was remarkably healthy… almost never sick and very strong physically. All during the past 3 years I was searching for answers and not wanting to believe that any of the ailments were related to NBE or feminization. I searched all over the Internet, visited lots of doctors (including specialists), and posted questions in this forum (and several others), desperately seeking solutions as each problem occurred and increased in severity.
I believe now that I have been deluding myself. I came close to stopping the NBE a few times (and took a couple of breaks during the past two and a half years). I did experience reductions of the fasciculations during each break, and they did return when I resumed the PM. I am now convinced that that the majority, if not all, of the problems I have endured since April 2012 are a direct consequence of my attempt to feminize my body.
I decided a few weeks ago to permanently abandon the attempt to feminize myself. This includes any medications (herbal or pharma), any thoughts of surgical feminization or SRS, exercises to enhance female physical characteristics, female grooming of any kind, and any form of cross-dressing. I have started taking D-Aspartic Acid to boost testosterone in an attempt to restore my hormonal balance to match my genetic makeup, and I am considering gynocomastia surgery to remove the breast growth I experienced while using PM. The extent of my reversal may seem extreme to most of you but I feel that if I don’t make a clean and complete break from this path then my physical issues will continue to develop and intensify – leading to a significantly diminished quality of life and (most likely) a premature death.
I don’t expect many members of this forum to either understand my decision or to agree with my reasoning. I know that my new direction is completely incompatible with the choices and beliefs of others at BN, so I expect that I will very soon cease to visit this forum.
Thanks to all of you who took the time to read this lengthy post, and to all who have contributed their thoughts and insights in the past.
Misty
Many of you know that I have posted a number of questions about health issues (specifically I was trying to determine if the issues were at all related to the NBE and my pursuit of full-body feminization). Here’s a rough timeline:
1) Started NBE with Fenugreek, saw palmetto, and red clover in April 2012
2) Developed persistent rotator cuff tendonitis that same month (the tendonitis persisted for 3 years, despite numerous cortisone treatments and physical therapy). I essentially ended weight training at that time.
3) In June 2012 I developed adult-onset vitiligo that affected both my hands and my genitals. The cause remains unknown although the leading theory is it is an autoimmune disorder. I am constantly struggling to keep the vitiligo from spreading with UVB light therapy.
4) I started corset-waist training (tight-lacing) in June 2012 to try and develop a more feminine waistline.
5) In August 2012 I developed severe sciatica running down my left leg. Incredible pain and neurogenic claudication (the inability to walk more than 50 to 100 feet). Started physical therapy and restricted lifestyle (very little exercise and limited mobility; essentially a sedentary lifestyle that led to some relief). I ceased tight-lacing as I could no longer tolerate the corset.
6) In October 2012 an MRI revealed lumbar back issues (a herniated disc at L3 and spinal stenosis at L4/5). Started weighing options for resolution.
7) In January 2013 I started PM. Blood tests that month showed very odd results – my total testosterone was at the very low end of normal and my free testosterone was virtually non-existent (much lower than even norm for a genetic female).
8) In April 2013 I developed persistent and recurring gastric distress including watery discharge from my anus (remains undiagnosed despite a lot of testing; still recurs every few weeks and lasts one to two weeks).
9) In May 2013 I was diagnosed with Melanoma. The melanoma was surgically removed and I underwent IL2 treatments during the summer.
10) In August 2013 I developed persistent muscle fasciculations in both calves (at the time I believed they were due to my back issues – I have since learned that is not the case but is an as of yet undiagnosed motor neuron disorder). The fasciculations continue to this day.
11) I had surgery to address the spinal stenosis in December of 2013. The surgery involved a double laminectomy at L3 and L4. I started physical therapy to recover from the surgery about 6 weeks later.
12) In August 2014 the sciatica returned, this time located higher and on both sides of my body. An MRI revealed I had developed a synovial cyst at L3/4 that was putting pressure on my spinal column. I ceased physical therapy at that time.
13) In November of 2014 I had the synovial cyst aspirated (a very painful process). I experienced immediate relieve but the cyst is reforming and will likely require a fusion at L3/4 to immobilize the facet joint.
14) In late February/March 2015 I was diagnosed with early macular degeneration.
The last three years have been hellish for me physically, particularly since for the first 53 years of my life I was remarkably healthy… almost never sick and very strong physically. All during the past 3 years I was searching for answers and not wanting to believe that any of the ailments were related to NBE or feminization. I searched all over the Internet, visited lots of doctors (including specialists), and posted questions in this forum (and several others), desperately seeking solutions as each problem occurred and increased in severity.
I believe now that I have been deluding myself. I came close to stopping the NBE a few times (and took a couple of breaks during the past two and a half years). I did experience reductions of the fasciculations during each break, and they did return when I resumed the PM. I am now convinced that that the majority, if not all, of the problems I have endured since April 2012 are a direct consequence of my attempt to feminize my body.
I decided a few weeks ago to permanently abandon the attempt to feminize myself. This includes any medications (herbal or pharma), any thoughts of surgical feminization or SRS, exercises to enhance female physical characteristics, female grooming of any kind, and any form of cross-dressing. I have started taking D-Aspartic Acid to boost testosterone in an attempt to restore my hormonal balance to match my genetic makeup, and I am considering gynocomastia surgery to remove the breast growth I experienced while using PM. The extent of my reversal may seem extreme to most of you but I feel that if I don’t make a clean and complete break from this path then my physical issues will continue to develop and intensify – leading to a significantly diminished quality of life and (most likely) a premature death.
I don’t expect many members of this forum to either understand my decision or to agree with my reasoning. I know that my new direction is completely incompatible with the choices and beliefs of others at BN, so I expect that I will very soon cease to visit this forum.
Thanks to all of you who took the time to read this lengthy post, and to all who have contributed their thoughts and insights in the past.
Misty
I wish success returning to overall better health. 
