[The First Aria]

*How long have you had these feelings?
I've known something was wrong as early as 5 years of age. Mother burst in on me a few times in my early childhood playing dress-up with her clothes lol

*How intense are these feelings? How frequently do you have them?
High-moderate. Often.

*Are you bothered by having a male body?
Definitely. I can't stand to look at myself in the bathroom mirror for long. I hate the body hair, I hate my defined musculature, the broadness of my shoulders, the lack of hips.

*Do you wish you were born female?
Damn right I do.

Here would probably be my answers..

*How long have you had these feelings?

Probably as I was in my "Tween" years, especially after starting to get facial hair. What a pain to have to do this everyday like my Dad.
I always have preferred more softer, refined clothing.

*How intense are these feelings? How frequently do you have them?

Some days worse than other's. There are times I cant wait to have the house to myself, for more than just 2 -3 hrs so I can wear whatever I wish to wear..

*Are you bothered by having a male body?

I surely do wish I had no body hair. Since my legs are w/out hair since my P.A.D. wont support hair. I loved it! I have always hated shaving and wish my breasts were more prominent. But, I don't mind being a Dad and Grandfather, so some of the more masculine traits is what I hate.

*Do you wish you were born female?

Other than the fact of my broad shoulders and body hair, I don't think so..

Confused??? Maybe you, but not me. In my perfect world, women waste their femininity way too much. They like harsh clothing anymore. Jeans, no skirts, no soft flowing blouses.. The majority don't even try to breast feed their young.... A true waste of the female body.... Oh well Men, or at least me, should be given the option of how masculine or feminine they would like to be with no stigma placed on them.

[flamesabers]

*How long have you had these feelings?
I've known something was wrong as early as 5 years of age. Mother burst in on me a few times in my early childhood playing dress-up with her clothes lol

*How intense are these feelings? How frequently do you have them?
High-moderate. Often.

*Are you bothered by having a male body?
Definitely. I can't stand to look at myself in the bathroom mirror for long. I hate the body hair, I hate my defined musculature, the broadness of my shoulders, the lack of hips.

*Do you wish you were born female?
Damn right I do.

So are you planning on asking your doctor or at least bringing up the issue of your gender dysphoria?

If you worry you're going to back out at the last minute, one option is to write down your feelings or thoughts on HRT beforehand. It may be far easier to compose your thoughts in the privacy of your home versus trying to figure out what to say when you're in the figurative spotlight. Also, it's a fail-safe in which you don't have to worry about stuttering, your mind going blank or having a panic attack. Once you give the doctor what you wrote down, the cat is out of the bag so to speak.

[GamerGurl]

So are you planning on asking your doctor or at least bringing up the issue of your gender dysphoria?

If you worry you're going to back out at the last minute, one option is to write down your feelings or thoughts on HRT beforehand. It may be far easier to compose your thoughts in the privacy of your home versus trying to figure out what to say when you're in the figurative spotlight. Also, it's a fail-safe in which you don't have to worry about stuttering, your mind going blank or having a panic attack. Once you give the doctor what you wrote down, the cat is out of the bag so to speak.

I've been reciting in my head what I'm going to say over and over and over again. How I will respond to every possible question she could throw at me. I've practically been obsessing over it, and I can't wait for the 11th to come so I can get my doc appointment done and over with. I want this weight off my shoulders

[jannet.duff]

If it helps any, this is how I did it.

I made a list of all the herbs I am taking, and gave the list to my doctor with the words " I suspect your going to be a little upset with me, but I have been medicating my self with these herbs " I then went on to explain why I was taking the herbs ( my GD ), and how I felt the herbs were helping.

Then take it from there. Every doctor will be different, I found mine to be non to helpful but your mileage may vary.

[KellyT]

GamerGuy,
I know exactly where you are coming from. I am in the VA system and that was nerve racking at first. Imagine a Marine and a veteran being transgender. However I was fortunate to first clear my dysphoria through the mental health perspective with a great VA psychiatrist and psychologist that were treating me at the time for PTSD. They have been so supportive and I could have not done this without them. (My VA psychiatrist also gave me a lengthy psychology evaluation as required by their policy).
Then the VA wanted to clear me medically through the health (physical) side of the system and that was fine. Next they sent me to see the endocrinologist at a regional center. I went to the regional center and I was so nervous that I thought I would have a panic attack. First I had to get blood tests and to be checked out in the endo clinic by a nurse and later by an intern. The intern asked why I was there on that day. He didn't even know that I was there seeking HRT. After the initial interview with the intern he left the room and I sat there on pins and needles.
Then the actual endocrinologist comes in the exam room with the intern and says........... So you have gender dysphoria and according to your chart we agree. This was because my mental health team had paved the way. (I am so thankful I live in an area where I get great care through the VA). He (the endocrinologist) asked me a lot of questions about GD and if I had any knowledge about how the treatment might progress. Well, I had done a lot of research about DHT, different hormone regiments, and how they might affect my body in the long run. I think knowledge presented to professionals goes a long way in their making a decision on approval. Know the side effects with such things as tobacco usage, DVT, and the unlikely possibility of harm that HRT may present.
Early on during the interview with the endocrinologist he set me at ease. He saw that I was sincere with my decision and he supported me 100%. Most all doctors are compassionate and are not looking for a confrontational visit. They want what is best for you in the long run. They have to ask some tough questions before HRT to assure that you are sincere and understand the consequences of your decision.
As I stated, in just a few minutes with the doctor I felt at ease and ultimately was prescribed an anti-androgen (spironolactone) and estradiol transdermal. I had to drive 90 miles home with the biggest smile on my face that I ever had. Imagine that!
Today my breasts are filling out and the pain in them is surprisingly refreshing. My nipples and areolas have expanded and I have some breast buds as well. I just wish this had happened twenty years ago. However, the VA did not recognize gender dysphoria then and offered no treatment.
The one thing I can't understand about GD is how some of us want to just have tits and some of us want a vagina as well. For me I want to be totally female and that includes SRS and all that goes with it. That is just me and I don't expect anyone to agree with me if they are not in that mindset. GD is an individual consequence of who we actually are. One size never fits all. But for me I have always saw myself as a woman and nothing less other than a physical impairment that we all call a penis. "To each their own"! That moment I put my sister's panties on at the age of 8 I became that little girl that was trying to escape from my disfigured body. It never would let go and I thought I should die than admit that I was a weird person. I even shot myself at one point to try to get away from the pain I was feeling. That is the one thing that I could never out run…………the pain of feeling abnormal and being a freak.
I have finally accepted the reality of my dysphoria many years later and don't regret my decision to begin HRT. After one year I hope to have SRS and to fulfill my dream to be and die as a woman. Individual choices are what we all must make at some point in our lives.
I wish all of you the best and hope you succeed in your journey whatever it might be. Stay brave and don't let this condition defeat you. Today anything is possible. You have to want it bad enough to actually do it. And, it sure ain't easy! Most things in life never come easy for those of us that are different from the mainstream. You know that because you are here looking for answers. Yet we also know that we were born this way and cannot change who we are.

Kindest regards to you gamerguy and all others on this board,
KellyT

[GamerGurl]

Well... Did it. Appt. got moved to today and I confessed everything to my doctor. She was highly supportive and got me in with an endocrinogist and a gd counselor. Then I dropped the bomb on my wife... Just finished a fairly loud shouting match with her. She can't seem to understand that Im just not attracted to men. She's not so supportive. Im crying all over my phone as Im posting this. I am not so sure what's going to happen next.

[The First Aria]

Well... Did it. Appt. got moved to today and I confessed everything to my doctor. She was highly supportive and got me in with an endocrinogist and a gd counselor. Then I dropped the bomb on my wife... Just finished a fairly loud shouting match with her. She can't seem to understand that Im just not attracted to men. She's not so supportive. Im crying all over my phone as Im posting this. I am not so sure what's going to happen next.

I would suspect, she is afraid of the dark sort of speaking. She knows it will change the dynamics between the two of you and she is afraid of the outcome.

But in any event. Glad you worked it out in your own mind to have the chat with your doctor.

Not too hard to understand that. Just be patient. Who knows, you get in with the counselor and a small dose of E, your wife should realize that not too much has changed. That is, unless you decide to go to the dark side.

[jannet.duff]

Well... Did it. Appt. got moved to today and I confessed everything to my doctor. She was highly supportive and got me in with an endocrinogist and a gd counselor. Then I dropped the bomb on my wife... Just finished a fairly loud shouting match with her. She can't seem to understand that Im just not attracted to men. She's not so supportive. Im crying all over my phone as Im posting this. I am not so sure what's going to happen next.

Oh, I didn't relise the wife was in the dark over your thoughts and needs. Yeah, this is a tough move, I really feel for you. I know exactly what your going through right now. You are going to go through hell for a few days, try not to let the dark thoughts get to you. Some of us have felt your pain, if you feel the need to reach out please do, don't listen to the dark thoughts.

[GamerGurl]

After my last post I cried myself to sleep. When I woke, my wife and I had a much calmer talk about it all. She now says "Whatever happens, happens." and we ended it on a long hug and an exchange of "I love you"s. I still suspect she's going to be a stone wall to me for a long while, but our relationship status remains unchanged. I thank you all here on BN for listening to my story and giving your thoughts and advice, you're a good group of people.

[The First Aria]

She's right, in so many ways.

Things will be, will be. She needs a few moments to process, especially if you hadn't broached the subject with her. And, you basic dynamics have changed already. For the better?? I hope so. Good luck, I truly mean that.