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I'm attracted to transition, but when I take steps towards it I feel dead inside?

#31

Agreed, everyone should read these things and make their own evaluations. I was just sharing mine.
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#32

(21-08-2015, 06:06 AM)sfem Wrote:  Agreed, everyone should read these things and make their own evaluations. I was just sharing mine.

Smile
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#33

Dana, Transformations are second nature for me, I had a hereditary swelling disorder since childhood. It often swelled in my face,, and i had a real empathy for (Larry Talbot,,-the wolf man),lol,,, I would get horrible looking,, and the spells would last for days before my face returned to normal. Hard stuff for an elementary school kid and young adult trying to build a positive identity.

I know this is a different sort of transformation were talking about here, but the negatives are very similar,, I felt all kinds of emotions , I doubted myself and wondered if what people said was true, (that i was a freak)? I still have issues with that because that illness (now under control) set me apart from from the people around me. Oh i had lots of friends but they didn't like being around me when i had the transformation ,,and never visited me in the hospitals,,,And i understand that i guess.

The recognition of a female side,, and the longings that go with it,, are like that, the degree of rejection, seperation ,,the comments recieved , and insults heaped on us, are of a similar sort. But we have the power to turn that all around ,,to find that middle ground we all here (really live in,) and always will to some degree..

If we can silence the negatives of the outer world,, look for what is TRULY right for us the individual,, then we can also( in time ) overcome (our worst opponent,, ourselves) and the indoctrination's of our singlular role as men. We can be our own best friend. Do you feel this change would make you less of a person? a bad person?

Are they only (fetish type longings ?) only sexually driven? If they're not, they may be right for you, they may be unclouded by that wrong sort of confusing passion,, and right for you.

I guess im strange lol(you think maybe)lol,, but i honestly have not got aroused by this interest ,,,this need to know that part of myself. It just feels like Ive awoken from a period of amnesia,, Remembering another part of my life,,, it feels that natural, that real. I wish you the very best. Smile
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#34

Hi
I agreed with sfem, in reference to susans, and their views in many forms that your either full blown trans or a pretender ?

Also as sfem says there are true people in the middle and you as a person have every right to be,

If you wish breasts and also take great pride in your masculinity so be it your not a freak your YOU.

I have big arm muscles and breasts and love them in fact when I grow breasts I also train to reinforce my man side, and yes never yet met a therapist who can pigeon hole that one.

Julie



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#35

(10-09-2015, 06:10 PM)julieTG Wrote:  Hi
I agreed with sfem, in reference to susans, and their views in many forms that your either full blown trans or a pretender ?

Also as sfem says there are true people in the middle and you as a person have every right to be,

If you wish breasts and also take great pride in your masculinity so be it your not a freak your YOU.

I have big arm muscles and breasts and love them in fact when I grow breasts I also train to reinforce my man side, and yes never yet met a therapist who can pigeon hole that one.

Julie
Well said


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#36

About ten(?) years ago when I first went there Susan's was so toxically hostile to non-binary people that it made me bottle up my GD and not deal with it. I still am a bit bitter over that lost decade.

More recently they have been better, but there was still a mass exodus of NB folks that went out to form their own forum, and Susan's was worse off for it. But I'd still say they are at least ok now days on NB issues, but not as good as they were for awhile.

But overall, I think this is my favourite current forum. Many people taking a slow path. NB is ok. Even if a lot of NB people eventually go all the way, I think it is healthier to think of gender as more of a spectrum and largely performance anyway.

I think just finding an authentic way to just be you, and then finding a way to be it in this world is the important thing.

I am still curing myself of years of "I can't" and "I could never" thinking.


- JJ
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#37

(16-09-2015, 06:13 AM)Jaded Jade Wrote:  About ten(?) years ago when I first went there Susan's was so toxically hostile to non-binary people that it made me bottle up my GD and not deal with it. I still am a bit bitter over that lost decade.

More recently they have been better, but there was still a mass exodus of NB folks that went out to form their own forum, and Susan's was worse off for it. But I'd still say they are at least ok now days on NB issues, but not as good as they were for awhile.

But overall, I think this is my favourite current forum. Many people taking a slow path. NB is ok. Even if a lot of NB people eventually go all the way, I think it is healthier to think of gender as more of a spectrum and largely performance anyway.

I think just finding an authentic way to just be you, and then finding a way to be it in this world is the important thing.

I am still curing myself of years of "I can't" and "I could never" thinking.


- JJ
Im relatively new to this , but im with you,, There is a whole other dimension of gender between Men , and Women. Not just a few alternatives ,,,but a whole wide vista of personal individuality and expression. Limited only ,,by our own ability to visualize ourselves in a clear and unencumbered way. The thing many get caught up in is the need for a rigid choice of decision between the two extremes. I don't see my adaptions ( my place),( my label ),,,fitting into that tiny box.

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#38

Dana, when I first started getting into my transition, I had the same emotions for about 6 months before I decided that I really wanted this. I did the same as you, thinking I was a cross dresser and tried it and later feeling disgusted like it was freaky. I then begin to think about herbs, then ordering hormones. Then going back to getting rid of them. Eventually, the disgust starting getting less as I started to understand what my goals were going to be. One day, the disgust didn't come back and I decided to go all the way.
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#39

Hi sillygirl

thats a lovely post and applies to a lot of us

With your lovely progress where do you consider in your words all the way to be ?

Julie

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#40

Well friends, I'm back. I did a lot to try and figure out other sides of myself, but I just kept coming back to needing to try this for real (three months or so). So I came up with a new plan to help me separate my fetish from my true self: nofap. Yeah, that reddit sub. As much as I don't agree with everything they say, It's been very helpful to take a couple months off of porn and masturbation and just utterly retract (overt) sexuality from my feelings of transition.

I started my plan last night, and will be adding it to the programs section in a month, along with pics, and my various responses. Thank you all for being so understanding and helping me out here. Looking forward to the ride.
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