Hi all

sorry more musings,

When I am in male mode, I can successfully ignore all lingerie, porn and all sorts of things tg , until somethink sets it off again and then it becomes excessive and exhausting,

My last cycle went 2 years in FULL male mode and not even a flicker of Julie,

Now that I am growing again and very happy about it as well may I add although boy mode is going WHAT THE FUCK ARE THOSE ?

The question begs once breasts are there, well ok there in larger form,

Will they satisfy Julie and be a badge of contentment or will they tease her for more and the exhaustive cycle will acclerate or tease daily ?

Ummm ????

Julie

Oh geeze..... Quit making us think. LOL... Good one. I will attempt my feeble attempt to answer with my thoughts.

I do not know what had triggered my experiment to the more girlie side of life. (C.D)

But, it started as usual. Borrowing the wife's bra's and wearing them. Then stuffing with handkerchiefs, Kleenex etc. Well, that was really unsatisfactory.

Really, at the time, I was too busy with work, family and such to where it was manageable. Then, the heart attack, the meds, the time off of work for rehab and ultimately medical retirement.

The meds kept me alive and feeling o.k.. but also gave me gynecomastia. With the extra time on my hands and budding breasts. Well, what heaven. I was satisfied that with smaller breast forms I could sweep and swoop enough to have somewhat of a cleavage show and not just breast forms.

Till I came here and found out that I could accelerate the growth and such.

With pm, I am finding that normal male jeans are no longer comfortable and still stay up with out tight belting. They tend to bind with belt and w/out they slide down..

So, long story short.. I find myself in woman mode like before in male mode. Wanting to be as presentable as possible without being out in front. It seems harder for me to ignore that I can change myself at will when alone. And therefore would like to try to strike a balance for both worlds.

I agree with iaboy soon as I tried on female clothing I was hooked and haven't stopped since lol

I think that pretty much all 'simple' cross dressers ( don't know about 'future transition' people, it may be different for them) have had times in their lives when they say "Why do I do this? I'm never going to do it again" and get rid of everything, clothes, make-up, etc. Then after a period of time it creeps back in again.
I certainly had at least 2 or 3 of those events, plus other periods of several years at a time when the CD need just evaporated for no obvious reason at that time.
When I found PM, I experienced the on-off in much shorter bursts, depending on how much PM I was taking, and I've settled on an average 2 or 3x 500mg capsules per day and that keeps me at a stable level whereby it doesn't much bother me either way and I can switch between modes quite happily during the day, if circumstances dictate.

Now, something I've only seen mentioned on here in passing once, ages ago, which may be relevant:
As I said, I've had periods of several years when I simply wasn't interested in CD, before it suddenly came back and bit me hard, and I couldn't work out why. It's only been with the benefit of getting older and the cumulative experiences of a lifetime that I have been able to make sense of this pattern. In hindsight, the non-CD times have corresponded exactly with me having a wife/partner who enjoyed wearing the clothes, make-up, etc, that I would choose for myself, and when either that relationship ended or circumstances dictated that she became less flambouyant, then I had the need to do it for myself again. In other words my female brain half just needed an outlet to express herself and it doesn't matter who that is!
Dunno if that makes any sense to anyone?

Hi Pansy

remarkable observation and indeed a surprising one,

Can correlate with dressing relieving the cd pressure , but to be relieved by watching others would indicate that your desires are less than some, but that cannot be in the fact that you undertook the brave steps to actually grow breasts.

Many people will cd , but very few will have the strength or will to grow breasts.

Julie

julie,
Perhaps I wasn't clear enough... what I meant was that I was choosing/deciding what she would wear, not just watching her choices. i.e. a sort of surrogate for myself.

I think if everyone looked at all of the responses, not by whom, when but the body of the posts, you can find a little of yourself in all of them. Maybe not even in the one you may of been the author of. Just goes to show that there are many facets and sub equations.

Yet how come we go to a professional, be it a doctor a shrink, marriage counselor expecting a straight, quick and decisive cure from what many think is an imbalance? I think rather than a cure we seek, is more of a validation???? To prove to ourselves that as long as it brings no harm, then there is no foul. I think that is the biggest goal that I am searching for.

Proof, that I am who I am, still a good loving person who defends those he cares about. So what, if I should ever get up enough guts, stupidity to wear a dress in public or men's clothing. What's the difference for I am NOT showing any genitalia, nor in anyone's face to prove that I may do so.

Pansy
gotcha now, although my point still holds a little

iaboy
yes indeed

and therapists well what a waste time,

I have spent probably 4000 hours and more
digging , researching, asking questions comparing ,
trying to find out what I am

exhausted and said sod it

I am ME

Julie

I think, when talking to a professional, that is not totally a waste of time and money. Sometimes having a close friend in a similar situation can be cathartic and pressure releasing. But a professional is always, or should be, out to fix the abnormal to the normal. That is the "distrust" I have in them.

That is most of the reason I have never discussed my desires to have boobs or some feminization. If you talk about E.D. or not being fertile, they understand that because most people are sexual beings. But if it's off of their perceived "normal" they know not how to handle it.

Julie, being TS I guess I wouldn't have the same perspective, however, you are making think too much as well so early it hurts my brain lol.