(13-02-2016, 07:46 PM)Dana Mantra Eon Wrote: You know even the loniest of loners needs someone to share with every now and then. I was an only child. Growing up, I only had four friends, and three of them were brothers. None of them really cared about me. See to them, I was just a way to play some extra video games. Or score some cards. Emotionally though, I was alone. It's made it hard to form friendships. It's caused me to shun them. Avoid them. And now here I am, twenty six, and I really only have three people aside from my girlfriend that I ever talk to. And it's sparse, sparse, talk. It's worked for the most part.
It's lead me to gravitate to solitary actives over the years. Writing, drawing, gaming, you know... but you know what? I've never been able to shake feeling lonely. King of the introverts, right? Groomed for it from birth. I should be used to it by now. But I'm not. I'm starting to think there's no avoiding it. It's just something that's hardwired deep down in our social brainstems. A need to share. Connect. Just be heard out by someone. Witnessed for what we are, good or bad.
Fixing it's tough. I mean I've got three friends. Clearly I'm no champion. I'll make up a million excuses as to why I can't. That I'm not a good enough writer. That I need to lose some weight. Offer more. Be better. There's always something. I try to shove the need back down my throat, and bury it under excuses, but it's like holding a balloon underwater. The damn thing just won't stay down.
From what it sounds like to me, you're crossdressing doesn't have to get in the way. You say you do it for yourself? Well good, I think you should. But that shouldn't stop your own natural need to connect. I don't think anything can. After all, your crossdressing is who you are. Just like being a loner is who you are. Nothing wrong with that. But still needing someone doesn't create a dichotomy with that. If anything, I think it'll take the edge off being alone if you find someone to spend just a little of your time with. Everyone needs someone else every once in a while. Even a really loney loner.
^^^ This. All about the same, except I also was miserable at school.
And then told I should be more social and make friends, and have lots of friends, and go out with them... (In the suburbs, mind, this wasn't exactly NYC. And I wasn't allowed to get my license until I was 27. And I wasn't allowed to go out without adult supervision until over 18. So, I'm amazed I've made it this far without trying to kill anyone... High IQ, low tolerance for bullsh!t, low patience, and a certain anti-social and anti-authoritarian instinct from being damaged. )
But even a loner needs a mate. Wolves form packs, and even tigers, panthers, pumas, etc come together to mate.
But the more intelligent you are, the less likely you'll tolerate people's stupidity. You see through the games, see the manipulations, and you KNOW it's all B.S. Like Crocodile Dundee: "You see those mountains over there? Been here since before man, and they'll be here long after you and I are dust. Arguing over who owns them is like fleas arguing over who owns the dog they're on."
The games are about the same thing. Polly gets hurt, Sally is a star, and 5 minutes later, Jim still doesn't give a crap about either... If you follow my meaning. (Billy, OTOH, thinks Jersey Shore was cool, and he's enthralled.... But his peak career level will be Starbucks Barrista, while Jim has a fellowship at MIT by 19.)
Jim hasn't made it to second base, if he's even made it to first... While Billy has a b@st@rd son already, and girls coming by just for a good "romp".
Jim's too serious, Billy entertains them... (sigh)
IF Jim learns the tricks, he could be turning them over like pancakes, too.... Billy couldn't support them (let alone his children) if all his earnings for life arrived in a lump sum. Nor would he care to. :-(
I'm turning into a misanthrope....
(Sort of down at the moment, I killed my cell phone, and I've spent the last three hours trying to connect ANY device to my computer. Plan was, plug in my phone via USB, copy off the media, replace phone. Three hours later, I found I needed to change Bios settings - hidden to the user - and I need to find the super-secret operating system setting in Winblows 10, because even when the USB settings are correct in Android, the tablet won't show up - won't even show it's connected. And the PC won't see it. So now I'm downloading Linux Mint to try and bastardize SOMETHING! and that's going to be an adventure by itself. Shouldn't things just EFFING WORK! by now? No, we need to make life difficult, and track all the innocent people, and put backdoors and snoopers into the software, so we MIGHT catch a "ter'rist" - the last several of whose plots were fomented by the FiBI's. And the root cause of which is US money and weapons and extra-territorial attacks and manipulations. And Billy Gates and Zuckerberg and all the others are all looking to depopulate the world, for WHAT? Elysium comes to mind... But I'm ranting. If only I had a battlemaster, or Veritech, I could at least vent productively...)
