[WendyA]

Then the cold came in, and then a payroll change occurred, and an overdue bill arrived, within about 3 days. And the girlfriend's daughter was having problems, too (her relationship with the boyfriend is done. It's a good thing, but it could've worked out better anyway.)

So, we've been slogging along with minimum $$$ (About $100 in cash) to get through until this Friday.... And she had a friend up this past weekend, so we had to do some entertaining.
Me, I'd like to dig a hole, and pull it in after me, sleep for about a month.

Money is stressful. After many years of putting it off my wife and I took Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class at a local church. Well worth the time. For the first time ever we had a budget and we were both on the same page.

Happy pills aren't the solution, though. The risks and problems outweigh the benefits of attacking the root cause.

I agree completely psychiatric pharmacology is so hit and miss with very little science to back up the claims. For those interested in the history and efficacy of psychiatric pharmacology read Robert Whitaker's book Anatomy of an Epidemic. If you don't have access to the book or the time you can watch Dr. Pam Popper's 10 part review/synopsis of the book, here is part one.

That said, there is data behind the efficacy of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy or group therapy. Under the Affordable Care Act a certain amount of therapy should be covered by insurance and there is never any shame in recognizing a problem and working toward seeking a solution to that problem.

At this point, I've been doing TONS of research on how to burn off the weight, fast. It's really simple, IF - AND ONLY IF - you actually build the basics.

I think you should stop the emphasis on loosing weight fast and think permanent. Getting to the root cause (spoiler alert, it's the food) will get you there. For research I would start with watching the documentary Forks Over Knives (now streaming on Netflix) then this video, Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease" by Caldwell Esselstyn Jr. MD, describing the progression of heart disease and how to stop and reverse it. Then this video, The Starch Solution, a permanent path to optimum weight and health. I would also check out these web sites, Education and Healthy Solutions and Dr. McDougall's Online Discussion Board.

I used the information from the previous links and have lost a little over 100 lbs in 2 years and I am down to my optimum weight and my wife is down over 80 lbs and still loosing. Along with the weight I lost many ailments. Who knew eating large amounts of potatoes, rice, beans, whole grains, fruit etc... was the key to loosing weight and gaining health.

Same with finances. Easy to cut off the extravagances, and get some in the bank, then grow that into something else.
But if you refuse to save, a one week offset in pay turns into a two-week struggle. Especially since the credit cards are maxed out already....

Good Luck, without going to the Financial Peace University class it would have continued to be theory in my head and not put into practice.

Besides that....
Well, I only took PM for a month. Doubt there was a change there.
No anti androgens;

This time I decided to do actual HRT because my insurance paid for it and I didn't want to play fast and loose with my health by taking unknown herbs. Within days of starting, like you, the urge went away. I think PM could easily have altered things similarly for you. I know if I stop, my feelings will come back so I am continuing low dose HRT.

There are lots of reasons to NOT have breasts, just as there many reasons to continue.
I'm wondering, though.... Off the wall, in a sense, but it makes sense, too....
40 years old. About the time for menopause. Weird though is.... Since I keep finding reasons I should've been born female, from how I walked, talked, gestured, temperament, etc...
Maybe it's actually because I SHOULD be uncaring now? Meaning, a woman hits menopause, she doesn't stop being female, but there's a change in her mind and body. Maybe the "femme" switch is off because it would've turned off naturally?

I think this is wishful thinking, but who knows in your case...

And then, will it return? Dysphoria ALWAYS comes back, except... Maybe not?

Maybe, but I would be surprised. I'm in my late 50s and it always came back.

Best wishes.

[tanysquirrel]

It certainly is easy to get sidetracked with life, or get depressed with lack of results, or just be depressed in general with events" acceptance or finances. Even with the ammount of things and complexity one may have in their NBE routine. I think the latter is the reason i stall in my routine..the mundane repitition and qty and involvement it takes... then I give a very big *sigh* when I see other's progress, and feel like I am the last girl to arrive at the ball, and behind on the dances on my dancecard. Someday......I will catch up :p

[Dianna1395]

[All of the details removed]

Hi, Wendy, and thank you, and everyone else, for the input.
Work is keeping me VERY busy, I don't even have time to read the forum right now, and home is not much different... (Long story, more issues, more drama, I need a drink. Make that 2. Maybe 200.... ;-) )

Anyway - I tried a quick experiment, and stopped the 2400 mg/day fish oil (single dose, 2 pills per day, AM), to see if the GID returned.

In one day.

So, OK, now let's see what happens when I add the fish oil back in...
Day 1: one pill AM, one PM, 1200 mg/dose. No change. (still some GID.)
Day 2: Two pills AM, one PM, 1200 mg/pill. No change. (still some GID.)
Day 3: Two pills AM, 1200mg/pill, results TBD, but feeling more "normal" for now. (Want to kill the intern, toss the woman out the window, jump in front of train. You, know, "normal." Yes, it's a joke, all of it. ;-) Except maybe the intern part....)

So, it must not have JUST been the fish oil, but the fish oil might be ending some inflammation, so it might be helping a bit with a symptom, or a corresponding issue.
But it isn't a cure, either.

I am gaining weight, though, and right now, the other stresses are getting worse, not lessened. (WTF? It's Sisyphus here, endless.)

But I AM seeing things more clearly, and coming to terms with my own mental issues. Problem is, I'm not the only one here with issues. I can't keep taking care of others and denying myself, but I also can't have THAT discussion with a woman who is clinically depressed (understatement.)

I'm going to take your advice, Wendy, and get that course done this quarter, if at all possible (meaning, scheduled. Otherwise there's always an excuse.) [Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University class]

Psychiatry is essentially contra-indicated in a sense for me, as it removes most of what I consider to be important from my life for a while. My control of myself, freedom, and direction in life would have to be suborned - and that's before we talk about the lunacy going on which can hurt people for decades afterwards. We are WAY too "Capital L Liberal" these days. We let criminals go free, but punish the law-abiding. Something is SERIOUSLY insane... It's part of Alinsky's Rules for Radicals, though. (And both sides of the aisle are part of it, and I want NO part of it. Two wings on the same vulture...)
So I REALLY need to "make haste slowly." For all I know, NSA is datamining this post as I write it. :-P

We've made some progress on the financial front, though. Got something resembling a plan (call it a direction now.) We keep it going for a month or three, we'll get back on track. A year probably to get back in the real "black". But that's optimistic, and ignores one of her debts.

I wonder about the "paranoia" and "persecution complex" some would diagnose there, too. You're not paranoid if they really are out to get you, after all; for years, "they" were. (Parents are the enemy, so what do you expect? I'm maturing in a few spots the way I should've matured at about 12, probably. A government that wants to clamp down on YOU for what SOMEONE ELSE did? So, if your brother misbehaves, YOU get hit...? I don't think so. And then, you get validated in the worldview as an adult, it's pretty much put the kibosh on anything resembling a normal life, ever. But those attitudes are now classed as "Oppositional Defiance Disorder," "Anti-Social Personality Disorder," "ADD/ADHD," and probably others I don't even know. And all of these "disorders" are reasons to, in essence, claim a person is mentally defective, and cannot vote or own a gun (legally). In other words, you're not an adult, mentally. And our association with this forum would be one of the clubs used to beat us - think about that.)

I'm at that difficult age where I'm old enough to know better, and young enough I still want to go out and have adventures. things are not aligning by themselves, of course, and now I'm talking a bit more openly with the woman.
BTW, hormones would end that relationship, which is OK on the one hand, but it's not like she has resources anyway. OTOH, she didn't when we met - I see a certain parallel, and I have MAYBE 40 years left, about, to have anything resembling a life. Maybe 50, if things go well, but I might also kick off tomorrow - we never know. So I have a list of things I want in life. I am not getting closer in this life. I need to change that life into what I want.
It involves beautiful women, motorcycles, and money in the bank. Speed and beauty. :-)

And money for when you low-side. :-P Or when life low-sides....

But that list means personal changes, and overcoming the problems listed. Mostly personality, some money, and time which cannot be overcome, so remove the impediments... Whether she likes or not, she can come along and relinquish her own control-freak ways, or she can go her own way. And the second option is better, because I am NOT keeping a committed relationship with someone who is a detriment to how I define success, and opposes what I feel is essential. (E.G., she doesn't like metal music. Nor classical, and the two are more closely related than you'd think. I should've known that when she got in my car and changed the radio, she was out of order, but I allowed it - my fault. Been paying for it ever since.)

Sorry for rambling, but since I can count my friends on one finger and have digits left over, this is about as close as I come to social interaction that isn't with her, or about work. Even I, as a loner, think it's unhealthy to be THIS alone. She's a social type, but has been almost unable to make friends here. I fit in worse than she does, and I've been trying. I think we're reinforcing the worst characteristics of each other, though, and grating on each other, so I don't think we're going to last.

And maybe that would help both of us.

As for getting on track with NBE, I still wish I could go back to being 18, and grow then then. :-) Opium dreams, I guess, since a woman's power is linked to her youth, I'd love to have known then what I know now. Any of it, even.
But that's all of us, I'm sure. ;-)

Got to get back to work, the intern is asking about the forum... :-P MYOB, boy! :-D

-Jean

[Dianna1395]

Just a quick follow-up:
The Fish Oil seems to have been affecting adrenals, if I had to guess. Adrenal-secreted Testosterones are up, I think.
Growing hair on my upper arms/shoulders. Yay.

But the GD is still there, just ... I don't know. Can't articulate.

I'm losing interest in almost everything. As in, can't be bothered doing the things I'm supposed to do (outside of work) - between work sucking down time and energy, and like 6 side-projects I'm trying to manage (poorly), there's no time left to be a human being, male OR female, masculine or feminine.

Point was, fish oil, even at 2400 IU / day, wasn't enough overall. And the stresses of "married" life were something I didn't want, but I've managed for over a decade now, and I didn't want it from Day 1. I thought I'd made that clear, but at this point...? Since we're barely even roommates, and she's praising me for being the kitchen bitch basically? (Weekend went to laundry, dishes, cleaning, and then replacing my dead cell phone. Also researching LED lights to replace the ones in the lab here, which are flourescents, which cause eye fatigue and cataracts.) And clean off the car, gas it up, follow up with the storage people about the "daughter's" stuff, try to check in with sick friend, check in with mom, cook food, food shopping, etc, etc, etc.

Somehow, I'm doing all the work, she's taking all the credit, and there's something wrong with ME...?
Need to change my life. Root out the cause of this depression, kick her out of my life, and move on. It can't get worse. And with her gone, I can get my head clear, and get my weight down without being told I'm abandoning her (to go to the gym), or ignoring her (because we're not talking. But how much must I pretend to care about the daily BS? I don't care what Kellen said to Jenny, or how Mary refers to you as "it" every day... You wonder why I'm almost misogynistic, I think seeing & hearing about grown women acting like they're 5 is pretty much THE catalyst. I grew up seeing woman as wonderful, loving, gentle, soft, beautiful, virtuous. And here they are aping the worst characteristics of man and child, and I still want to BE one... )

Anyway, Fish Oil wasn't a cure, and at a day off, I'd revert anyway. And now the hair on my upper arms is back. So, Not good. Altering course. :-)

-Dianna

[Billie]

I was able to be a good example of patient suffering from mental illnesses. My first experience with a Psycologist/Psyciatrist is in 5th grade. My mom took me to a performance of district band. She left in the middle of my concert and returned drunk. All my teachers and district workers saw I was the child of an alcoholic. The next week I was diagnosed with low grade depression. I was counseled since then. In college I took counseling classes and was warned about Bipolar. I had a breakdown and was sent to the best hospital for mental disorders at the hospital where group counseling was invented. I was in a partial program, group counseling. Then diagnosed a Manic Disorder (Bipolar). I attended AA and DBSA group counseling. My medicines were monitored since by a Psychiatrist. I have recovered well. So I just was lucky to have the best help. I recommend talk therapy, Psycologist/Psyciatrist help, support groups, and medicine management.

[johnnyboy7585]

I agree with all you guys. This is not a easy road. Must of us have been males our whole lives. With that being said the macho idea that we are suppose to follow goes out the window with having breasts. We kind of have to adapt to a new life stly. Lets face it you can only hide mammary glands for so long, until the really get noticeable. The reality is most of us will have to wear a bra, no more shirtless beach trips, loss of libdio, for some. Its a jurny not to be taken lightly. But there are great advantages as well. Finley having something you always wanted, the feeling of real breasts, the new sention for me is amazing. I too say I should have done this younger, but you cant look back only forward. I. myself havt told anyone about my development, only u guys here. Which for me is scary as hell, when i start to need a bra. Its two fold, It started out as me just wanting to feel alittle more fem. Now i want the whole thing. I see how much progress you guys have made, that keeps me going.Idk what to say, I feel that lost feeling too. Some days im like thats it im done. Then the real women in me says to keep going. I see real women, i get upset at how lucky they r to have breast, etc. The sexy outfits, bras, panties. crazy, i know. I've come to terms that im trans, i deal with it. Its a struggle everyday. I guess we all have these kind of struggles.

[Katie]

I'v had these too, but after a detailed self diagnostic, I'v found that this happens mostly when en femme and been sidetracked into full male mode (some times a good movie can do this) and then you snap back into your immediate situation and notice the discrepancy.

That's a good 95% of the time for me anyway.

I also get it the Other way around too, when I'm pulled into girl mode and suddenly become conscious of what im wearing/sound like/look like etc...

I just smile at it now