(23-03-2016, 03:30 PM)GamerGuy Wrote: Wonderfully said, thank you for your input 
The "Plan of Service" just seemed like a contract where I agree to make progress
Unfortunately I've been to all three of the available therapists in my area. 1st one was a complete joke who takes 2 months to get in with and only wants to talk about original cause for each of my feelings. I already know these answers.
2nd therapist didn't know jack sh*t about GD and only wanted to discuss my parenting. (Which I do a fine job of)
My current therapist seems like a newbie fresh out of school who sounds like a coddling nanny for the mentally challenged. She congratulates me for coming to my own conclusions like it was some impossible task. (;一_一)
Therapists don't seem much use to me.
One thing about #2, your parenting will often reflect your upbringing. (so don't ask me about mine...) MAYBE that was the point. More likely, I'm just too genteel. (but elaborating on that would be a major rant. So won't go there.)
There are therapists who do remote sessions online, via Skype or such. Don't know how that stacks up.
It also sounds to me like you might want to go the way of Orchidectomy up front, to end the T problem. Then, you'd HAVE to have Estrogen (Or Testosterone, but you could likely swing a doctor to prescribe Estrogen.)
Also of note, if you've been self-medicating, I understand the approach these days is to continue the treatment you've embarked upon, if it won't kill you. I think it's an extension of the "first, do no harm" mentality.
Would a temporary move be possible? Or a temporary "not quite a move"? E.G., as a consultant, I had to travel for my jobs. That means I'm technically a "resident" of the state I'm working in, if people go prying. But I'm still Living in my home state, too. So that might give you a means to get somewhere else. Even if you work remotely, you might need a monthly "face to face" meeting (can then be written off as a business expense, too.) And no one said the need had to come from the business.... ;-)
None of which mentions the cost issue. That's harder to deal with. A second (third..?) job maybe? Be an owner of something, say a bar? Mystery Shopper, paid reviewer, start a blog of some sort? (E.G., lingerie bloggers get free bras to review... Car reviewer gets the car for a week or two... Blog might link to merchandise in an Amazon scheme. Or, you might get by with some books for passive income. Like I noted above, I realized a lot of things too late in life to make a major change. You don't yet have that limitation, BUT: IF YOU WALLOW IN "
IT'S TOO LATE," you'll NEVER get ahead, NEVER move ahead.
I'm 40, I'm still going forward best I can. The alternative is literally death. Oh, you might be walking, talking, etc. But the eyes get empty... I would know.
Don't let it happen to you. Plan for the future, as if you were still that young. "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."
The question is, how bad do you want it? What will you sacrifice?
(23-03-2016, 03:30 PM)GamerGuy Wrote: Truthfully, I would like the beard gone, I'd like all my body hair to just go away, never to return. I would like to fully transition eventually, but I know there is little hope of that happening at my age.(29) Testosterone has long since destroyed me. I have come to realize that SRS is a joke and a lie, so I have come to terms with my genitalia. I would like nothing more than to be on the outside,(for the most part) what I feel on the inside. When I first arrived here on BN, my original plan was to use herbal NBE to simply induce a bit of gyno. During the few years I've been here (half of that time spent lurking as a guest) I have been on a journey of self discovery and acceptance, aided by the information presented by this forum and all of you. The hardest part for me thus far, was coming out of the closet to myself. I know I have a long and bumpy trail ahead of me, but it beats taking the highway to misery.
I apologize for not quoting everyone that I am responding to in my posts, I read and value everyone's input, and I am thankful for each of you and this wonderful community of which you've all made so great!
I'd actually suggest some pretty radical dosing to get things going, if you can. I know costs are prohibitive, but if you focus on the income stream first, you might need to detour with training or school, but that'll free some other options up, too. And it means more connections, maybe a sugar momma/daddy. One T* I know of turned to pr0n, and he and his wife decided to feminize him and sell clips. He becomes a she, satisfying his/her wants. Cuckold lifestyle as well, so she gets her wants met. And apparently the money was good enough to encourage it to "the end." Since she (originally he) stopped posting to her Yahoo groups, there wasn't a solid conclusion. She ended up "owned" by a master, though... Who seemed quite happy at the idea of having her serve him and her original wife. No word on a divorce or separation before the groups went dark. IDK, I think there's ALWAYS a way if you have the hustle; I was taught to be passive. Now I'm trying to figure out HOW to hustle. ;-) And I have bigger fish to fry than maintaining my position, since maintaining my position keeps all the bad things I don't care about, and doesn't move me towards my goals.
I figure with less stress, my needs would be reduced. Without entertaining the woman every night (babysitting), I could accomplish more for myself. Since I lost a pretty huge chunk of change so far, I feel it's OK to be selfish at this point. (For instance, she knew 10 years ago I was TG or TS. She threw out everything related to it, or allowed it to be destroyed, or "lost" it in the move. Most recently, her daughter is talking about moving back here... Living with us. Again, on my dime. I would've been passable starting at 29/30. At 40? The stress has damn near killed me, and she wants to ADD to it. So selfishness is the order of the day. You might need to think the same way...)
I hope that makes sense without sounding too much like, "ME ME ME ME!"
But there's a LAUNDRY LIST of BS since this woman got into my life. And she just DOES NOT understand. Can't rest, can't stop.
Sometimes we need to be selfish, so you need to take stock and consider your obligations (you mentioned parenting..) and your needs.
It was a Satanist I read this from, first: You cannot help yourself endlessly. Eventually, you realize you need to help others to help yourself. Otherwise, you become self-destructive, and move away from helping yourself anyway. Same in reverse: You cannot endlessly help others. You need to do for yourself sometimes. Or you are consumed, exhausted, and defeated, and you check out.
You're still young (enough) to get good results. Even bone structure is still changing, far more at 29 than say 39. You'll still be putting on a lot of weight, too - you can put it on Male-style or Female-style (maybe - female-style might change your body enough that you weigh less when done, being, well, FEMALE chemically.) I didn't have some of this rigidity even 2 years ago! Nor the weight. the worst of it is recent. And it wasn't until THIS CURRENT JOB and when the woman came to live here, that I really did a faceplant on the pavement and turn into a blob. :-P
You've got probably four major things you need to manage (for transition prep). Hair, mannerisms, and the finances to meet those things. Hair covers electrolysis AND top of head. Mannerisms are people watching and imitation; if you're lucky, you have feminine mannerisms already. And haven't been forced to suppress them for years... And finances meets the other needs, too. E.G., once you have the plans laid, you can change-up the basics and be creative: Go hiking with a group, or on your own, and you modify the boots... Put a high-heeled shoe inside. Start low, build up You're modifying your mannerisms and practicing walking in heels.... Plus, lowering stress by getting into nature. And it's low cost... And good for fat-burning, which helps maintain lower body fat (no waist issues) and lowers stress (low cortisol = good boobie growth & lower incidence of intraabdominal fat... Better thealth), plus you'll burn fat (which may not seem great, since we want womanly curves, but with a little inventiveness, we can modify the locations of fat loss pretty easily. Do situps, sprint, do more situps, sprint more, etc. Spot reduction is real, to a certain extent; the body will take fat from where the blood goes. so you direct the blood and activate the fat for this part; and then, you do some HIIT to get the fat mobilized, then shock the system with sugar and estrogen to cause the fat to deposit where you want - again, using the blood flow to direct it, E.G., workout the glutes, get a good pump, drop in some niacin for a flush; then, ASA workout is done, sit down to a jelly donut or three... With a protein shake, of course, but you don't worry about the carbs, and you dump down some extra Estrogen.... And weight should accumulate where you want. And donuts aren't the best idea, but at least you're putting it where you want, and since you're losing elsewhere anyway...? It should add up over time.)
-dianna
good luck. And no more talk ok BME shit, K?. 
![[Image: the-road-not-taken_kinziechristinahaley.jpg]](https://chuckduboff.files.wordpress.com/2014/08/the-road-not-taken_kinziechristinahaley.jpg)
Not sure about America but in the UK the average age peeps begin transition is 38. You've still got a head start on most of us. ^_^ Don't give up hope.![[Image: tumblr_o1a8acfE3y1tp2shbo1_500.jpg]](https://36.media.tumblr.com/4e7d707310980e2926208035399afebb/tumblr_o1a8acfE3y1tp2shbo1_500.jpg)
