[Stevenator.]

Best of luck to you, fire.
Hang in there . . .

[polymorphis]

Fire and Ice ... Sofia ...

I was really moved when I read what happened and during last day I have been thinking about you often. However, work and lack of time prevented me to write you sooner.

Although I've never been in similar kind of situation and therefore I am not able to fully comprehend it, I know how important is for all of us to be accepted. Our 'condition' very often makes it hard for other to understand us. It is only natural that we seek and await the greatest acceptance from people close to us and it is painful when we hit the wall...

Hm, it appears I nicely stated something that is quite obvious . I just want to show you my support, because as someone here once told me: "We are all sisters here..." I want to be sister for you. But I feel it wouldn't be right give you any advice, because everyone is different, every relationship is different and I believe the best guidance lies inside each of us... I also really don't know how I would react in your situation. Moreover, I myself struggle with my non-binary nature and everything it brings.

But I can offer you some observations and ideas to consider while planning your next steps...

First of all, happiness in not a dream. What you experienced was happiness and you will experience it again! And keep in mind it won't be always connected to your feminine inclinations.

Sometimes it takes us a lot of time to realize we have a strong feminine part. And it takes even more time to accept it. Why do we think that our loved ones will be different? Why do we think they will understand our transgendered nature and accept it immediately?

Do you really understand yourself? Do you know how much femininity in your life will make you happy? What do you identify as? Male? Female? Transgendered? Do you know how are you going to navigate the slippery slope?

So many questions each of us tries to answer... But at the end there are only 4 possibilities what we can do:

1) Pursue the path to womanhood and transition
2) Find some kind of a middle ground
3) Sublimate those T-feelings
4) Repress them

Option 4 is not viable, because those feeling will never go away. And if we repress them, we will push them deeper into unconsciousness where we have no control over them and in time they will return in deformed and powerful form.

Option 1 is for many of us impossible. Be it because of age, our families, job or other reasons...

So option 2 and 3, or combination of both appears to be the most optimal. I believe that trying to find a way how to sublimate those yearnings in a satisfying way or slowly move our personality more to a feminine side of the spectrum may feed our feminine inclinations and bring us peace. Moreover, being feminine is not only about outer appearance and clothes. It is also about self-identification, attitudes, skills, behaviour. Those are changes that can be done even when we still present as males... And if we choose to transition in the future, we would have to cultivates those faculties as well...

OK, I think this reply is really too long . Please, don't take it as an advice. Those are just my thoughts. Maybe some of them will help you...

Sofia, I wish you to find your real self and to find happiness!!!

*HUGS*

Poly

[Happyme]

There is a CD on the crosdressers.com blog that I really admire.
Her opening post is here:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?149851-I-told-my-wife!&p=2428087&highlight=#post2428087
This is where she tell her wife about her hobby.
If you follow some of her posts you'll see that she is very open about her feminine side and very private when it comes to her family.
At least from her posts and my private messages, she is doing really well at balancing both of these lives. there might be some inspiration in reading her threads.
If you have to join the CD.com, its worth it just to follow Jennifer.
The moderators are ruthless though. :-)

Bobbi

[tanysquirrel]

Sophia dear,

sorry I have not had the time to reply, as I was down the campground.
when I saw your post I was saddened. I hope you can delve deep inside and draw the strength it takes to do what you feel is right. There is no perfect answer, no recipe that any one of us can give, other than sound advice or clips of our experience that may or may not work for you.

I know it is hard, not having someone close at hand that can comfort you or understand what it is you are going through, but I do urge you to try. We are here for you, we care and will be here to support you through your troubling times, as well as the good ones (lets hope there are more good than bad).

As with some people who are going through the feelings, trying to suppress them is usually the worst way to go. Finding the middle ground is sometimes the hard thing to find amongst all the ups and downs. It may be hard for her to understand your intimate feelings on this subject, as Jannet said, she may be seeing the "man" she married slip away, and that can be very hard to watch, almost as bad as watching someone wasting away to some terminal illness. However, suppressing it for someone else can be as equally detrimental. its like a slow pressure cooker, building up steam, only to eventually explode at the slightest touch.. You can reassure her that your love has not faded, but is perhaps changing as you are.

What is at stake in all of this, is you, your true happiness. only you can truly decide what it is you want and need for you. *hugs* .

just remember to breath, take a break, go for a walk to clear you head if you need to. If you feel that you are about to explode or say something that you may regret. Patience, as you said, is needed. Be sure to give her space too, if she needs it.

[Billie]

You both may have simiar needs. Tell her you want to do the chores in maid wear. Ask her to burn off her anger by wearing a strap on. The courage to get to the point and mesh romantically is key. You want role play you female her femanizing you.

[Sofia Bunny]

You both may have simiar needs. Tell her you want to do the chores in maid wear. Ask her to burn off her anger by wearing a strap on. The courage to get to the point and mesh romantically is key. You want role play you female her femanizing you.

Sorry, I had to reply to this before I signed off for the evening. Not much for dish washing, I did that as a kid by hand, and not particularly fond of it. The maid wear, well that could be interesting.

Unfortunately the Mrs. is pretty vanilla, we tried a strap on once, long ago, and it was nothing but complain complain complain. That it didn't feel right, not natural, pretty much made me a bit ashamed of the whole situation. She's not really much for role play, just not her thing, sometimes I really feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Anyways, just found this interesting, but it has been tried, unfortunately it was a disaster. Thank you Billy for your thoughts on this. Much appreciated.

[tanysquirrel]

it may be, that making love to your female self, makes her question her own sexuality, and perhaps is making her feel awkward about it? Especially if she was raised in a religious setting, that can hammer home shame and self loathing in "alternative" sexual situations.

ever ask her if she every wanted to lay with another woman?
if she says no, then perhaps she senses that in you. could be your pheromones are changing too.. funny thing, pheromones.. the invisible scent that can make some one attracted to you or repel them from you.

oxytocin is the hormone of cuddliness and love and trust.. ramp up her oxytocin (through orgasm) and she will be putty in your hands

[Sofia Bunny]

it may be, that making love to your female self, makes her question her own sexuality, and perhaps is making her feel awkward about it? Especially if she was raised in a religious setting, that can hammer home shame and self loathing in "alternative" sexual situations.

ever ask her if she every wanted to lay with another woman?
if she says no, then perhaps she senses that in you. could be your pheromones are changing too.. funny thing, pheromones.. the invisible scent that can make some one attracted to you or repel them from you.

oxytocin is the hormone of cuddliness and love and trust.. ramp up her oxytocin (through orgasm) and she will be putty in your hands

Both of us raised with a heavy religious background. So I understand the guilt and shame and the lot of it. Not a very nice feeling. I noticed the further down this path I travel, the less shame I have. It is a bit of a relief in that regards. I have actually had conversations about laying with another woman, one of those late night conversations when her guard is down. One of those conversations she refuses to remember. *sigh* How convenient... for her that is.

*sniff sniff* I don't smell anything. But perhaps that's why I can't stop molesting myself, I've become attracted to myself. Ha ha ha, sorry, I just couldn't resist.

Yes, I know how to achieve the putty effect, but I want that too. When do I get to be on the receiving end of that. Yes, yes, it has been expressed, on numerous occasions, but she refuses to break out of that shell! It would appear that I may be destined to settle for never experiencing what I desire. So much for a two way street. Okay, I am navigating towards a negative path and that's not good right before a flight. Thinking my happy thoughts, finding my happy place.

[Sofia Bunny]

Hi Sophia,
I am so glad you are sounding much perkier!
Here is a link to SAGE and gender tests:
http://www.breastnexus.com/showthread.php?tid=20243&highlight=gender+test

I'm sure there is something in here.
Some of the SAGE tests are written in an old DOS format and dont function well with modern Apple, Unix or windows machines.
Best wishes to you. Keep smiling
Bobbi

Thank you Bobbi, I was about to start the test, but turns out taking it from my phone is not necessarily a good thing. So will have to see if I can take it later on when I get to my hotel, or perhaps give it a whirl on my iPad.

Your observations are keen, yes, I am a bit perkier, it helps to have so much support from everyone here.

[Sofia Bunny]

I am sorry that I missed the start of this thread Fire... but you do sound a little more 'up'... Ours can be a very difficult journey.. society expect so much from us.. and it , many times, is not what we want of expect for ourselves.

It is old, and well worn, but there is a saying that applies to us, as a group, more than to most others. 'To thine own self be true'.. and it certainly does apply.

Take care.. I wish only the best for you. and even though we may be unable to be there in person , we are with you in spirit

Thanks Mickie, I am a lot more upbeat, just gotta stop focusing on the negative. The road before me is definitely the one least traveled and is filled with many ups and downs and riddled with obstacles. I hope what I have shared may help others contemplating going down the path. It is not easy, but with such a supportive community, does make the journey better.