14-06-2016, 08:57 AM
Whether your a women trying to build on what God gave you,, or a man trying not to be so much a man,, everybody has goals and levels,, .
Sometimes,, (not that often) i get bogged down,, i see some new gift age has bestowed upon me, and i wonder if im burning up years in a profitless venture.
by profitless i mean a goal that's beyond me,, And then i go to my think tank, my library the camera builds on, and i think (possibly kidding myself)as i look through them, maybe i could age well, in this new mode .
But theres never enough certainty to let me rise from the screen and go to bed with total peace of mind.
So i remind myself to some degree i have little choice in the matter i remember that someday these blossums on the wall of my rib cage will be discovered. And inside the micro environment of a small town that is damn near the same thing as full disclosure,
So i make vows, i know how to fix it,, i have but to walk away from one and embrace the other and the confusion ends. My male belongings all the things that made me who i was,, are still there the knowledges i gained the trainings i absorbed,,and mastered,, the strength of mind,, it all still there.
And with a misguided feeling of relief i step away from these thoughts and longings, and close the door behind me.
But like the tortured souls in Vincent Price movies,, their spirits call to me ,lol from the walls and beams,, and throw erotic -metamorphic images up before m., They call as i walk by the locked closet that wigs and clothes reside in, awaiting proper disposal. (part of the vow).
Like a damn holding up under tremendous stresses, i maintain my position ,, and then unconciously one morning as i wander through the house seeking caffeine, i reach up without thought and bunch them in my fists, need them gently and smile in satisfaction that their still there, that they haven't diminished.
And the accompanying goodness i feel with that physical knowledge, throws all my vows,, all my reasoning on its ear.
and im back at square one again. Ive concluded that quite possibly a life between two the worlds of sexual identity was all i was ever intended to live.and everyday i grow more and more at peace with that possibility.
One night when i was sorting through photos i found one that stopped me ,, and i wrote this quote at its bottom as it came softly to mind.
(Sometimes the most profound magic can be found in the simplest of transformations.) Magic is the best way i can describe it That illogical happiness that keeps me coming back is the magic I speak of.
Sometimes,, (not that often) i get bogged down,, i see some new gift age has bestowed upon me, and i wonder if im burning up years in a profitless venture.
by profitless i mean a goal that's beyond me,, And then i go to my think tank, my library the camera builds on, and i think (possibly kidding myself)as i look through them, maybe i could age well, in this new mode .
But theres never enough certainty to let me rise from the screen and go to bed with total peace of mind.
So i remind myself to some degree i have little choice in the matter i remember that someday these blossums on the wall of my rib cage will be discovered. And inside the micro environment of a small town that is damn near the same thing as full disclosure,
So i make vows, i know how to fix it,, i have but to walk away from one and embrace the other and the confusion ends. My male belongings all the things that made me who i was,, are still there the knowledges i gained the trainings i absorbed,,and mastered,, the strength of mind,, it all still there.
And with a misguided feeling of relief i step away from these thoughts and longings, and close the door behind me.
But like the tortured souls in Vincent Price movies,, their spirits call to me ,lol from the walls and beams,, and throw erotic -metamorphic images up before m., They call as i walk by the locked closet that wigs and clothes reside in, awaiting proper disposal. (part of the vow).
Like a damn holding up under tremendous stresses, i maintain my position ,, and then unconciously one morning as i wander through the house seeking caffeine, i reach up without thought and bunch them in my fists, need them gently and smile in satisfaction that their still there, that they haven't diminished.
And the accompanying goodness i feel with that physical knowledge, throws all my vows,, all my reasoning on its ear.
and im back at square one again. Ive concluded that quite possibly a life between two the worlds of sexual identity was all i was ever intended to live.and everyday i grow more and more at peace with that possibility.
One night when i was sorting through photos i found one that stopped me ,, and i wrote this quote at its bottom as it came softly to mind.
(Sometimes the most profound magic can be found in the simplest of transformations.) Magic is the best way i can describe it That illogical happiness that keeps me coming back is the magic I speak of.
