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It seems (perhaps I am wrong) that Being transgender goes hand in hand with depression.. *sigh* at least, for me it does.
one of the key songs from P!nk -don't let me get me. speaks volumes with myself and my issues with depression.
it can be a gorgeous day , sun out, everything being beautiful in the world, yet.. I cannot bring myself to be happy.. no matter what. I am usually an upbeat person, however when I get hit with an episode of depression, its like someone coming from the shadows with a big bat upside the head. I "know" I should be happy. I know I should be "ok" , but it just doesn't seem to materialize.
Its not that I am not thankful, or content..its this malaise that overtakes me and consumes me like an unextstinquishable fire . eventually, it works itself out, but I just hate when its here. No explanation, no answers.. BOOM "here I am, suck it up buttercup".
OF course, I become irrational, irritable and inconsequently, incoherent in my thoughts. I just want to curl up under a blanket and go to sleep until it is gone.
I am sure, there are others out there who can associate with this feeling.. perhaps not. I know I am not alone, nor am I special in that regard. it is merely just a notation of the dangers of being trans.. at least in my case.
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Hi Tanya,
Depression sure sounds so.. soo. depressing.
I dont think I've ever had a bout of depression. I've had my "damn what am I gonna do now". And somehow I always find the way out in short order.
So why do you think your depression is linked to being trans?
When I'm feeling low, my trans side lifts me up. just a little lipstick and mascara brings a big smile to my face. Ad the rest of the day just gets better.
In the old days depression and suicide were more common because there was no support network like there is today. And I think we are becoming a bit more accepted too. At least in most larger areas.
So lay back on the couch and tell me what triggers the depression.
Hugs
Bobbi
aka HAPPYME.
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Umm
Difficult shit
Today I flipped to complete normal male mode after spending a week on
Hrt synths
In other words the diagnostics meant I know I am trans so what do I do when the hrt or herbs do not keep it under control ?
Just for a moment although fleeting I could correlate why and how so many of us commit suicide
Ha and I live a good life ?
I feel for the girls who cannot cope
And they say being a trans is a gift ????
What the fuck ????
Julie
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That's one of the reason my Doctor is referring me to a therapist. Just think, a few years ago, I thought that was a bunch of Sh&t. I figured a weekend escape and a tall bottle of rum would solve most problems.
But, there comes a time, that a professional can offer insights that a person just doesn't think about.
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(06-07-2016, 10:46 PM)iaboy Wrote: That's one of the reason my Doctor is referring me to a therapist. Just think, a few years ago, I thought that was a bunch of Sh&t. I figured a weekend escape and a tall bottle of rum would solve most problems.
But, there comes a time, that a professional can offer insights that a person just doesn't think about.
"self medication" with alcohol is rarely ever the cure.. alcohol is a depressant in itself. that is why depressed people who drink, tend to dive headfirst into depression.
As far as therapist...well I am an undocumented one.. I have taken steps from my childhood to make sure that I know the human mind all too well.. not a bunch of bs, trust me.. I have trust issues.. so I don't trust anyone else telling me who and what I am.. I know all to well, I have done so much introspection and retrospection, that I can sit and tell the therapist what is going on in their own life... (my research/scientifict mind prevents such therapies for me). may be good for others, just not me.
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06-07-2016, 11:14 PM
(This post was last modified: 06-07-2016, 11:16 PM by
tanysquirrel.)
(06-07-2016, 10:14 PM)Happyme Wrote: Hi Tanya,
Depression sure sounds so.. soo. depressing.
I dont think I've ever had a bout of depression. I've had my "damn what am I gonna do now". And somehow I always find the way out in short order.
So why do you think your depression is linked to being trans?
When I'm feeling low, my trans side lifts me up. just a little lipstick and mascara brings a big smile to my face. Ad the rest of the day just gets better.
In the old days depression and suicide were more common because there was no support network like there is today. And I think we are becoming a bit more accepted too. At least in most larger areas.
So lay back on the couch and tell me what triggers the depression.
Hugs
Bobbi
aka HAPPYME.
I am not saying its specifically a trans thing.. just that its more common. doesn't help that my dad suffers from seasonal depression. Mine, well , its whenever, It decides to rear its ugly head.
"Depression, its not a laughing matter" ~ me.
don't get me wrong, I am not to the point I am suicidal, I wouldn't waste this life (whats left of it) for a chance that there is nothing beyond this. I do think however, it is a subject that does need to be addressed, whether in this thread, or elsewhere....it can be scary. it can make you feel that something is "wrong" with you, You can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely....
Your a peach bobbi, don't ever change. *hugs*
love all of you, every one.!
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Tanya,
"Oh Girlfriend" if you will allow me to say ...
The big D is so real. In my experience it is driven by several factors. The easiest excuse to use for depression in us Trans ladies is the lack of T will drive depression in us, which it does. While the "Lack of T" excuse is very true, I also find that my past life drives it as well. For one, I believe I am in in upper end of the timeline for being trans at 53. Couple this with a past life which includes kids, a very aggressive military past where I served as an Infantry Officer and was heavily involved in the Spec Ops community for over 5-years, the resulting scars upon my body from combat - both the seen and unseen, a robust and successful professional career, the desire to be seen as the person I feel like, and the realization that my mental self most likely won't ever line up with my physical self --- Hello Depression.
I kept engaging myself in the most masculine of all masculine activities to shield and hide the real me. Now all I wish for is to be the person who I so desperately want to be, and get depressed at how I lived a life of ignoring and self-insulting the real me. I can find a little solstice in the fact that "in the early years" there was a considerable lack of credible science to support transitioning. Though my transition has just begun and I can keep it covered up by my male clothes in public for now, as my breast are developing and there is coming a time when I will have to look this demon in the eye. Until then, for me, it seems this is the rollercoaster I am on. I am both looking forward to whipping this demon's ass as I run from it at the same time like a scared little girl.
Ugh!!
Just my thoughts ...
Marcie
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(06-07-2016, 11:29 PM)OnMyWay! Wrote: Tanya,
"Oh Girlfriend" if you will allow me to say ...
The big D is so real. In my experience it is driven by several factors. The easiest excuse to use for depression in us Trans ladies is the lack of T will drive depression in us, which it does. While the "Lack of T" excuse is very true, I also find that my past life drives it as well. For one, I believe I am in in upper end of the timeline for being trans at 53. Couple this with a past life which includes kids, a very aggressive military past where I served as an Infantry Officer and was heavily involved in the Spec Ops community for over 5-years, the resulting scars upon my body from combat - both the seen and unseen, a robust and successful professional career, the desire to be seen as the person I feel like, and the realization that my mental self most likely won't ever line up with my physical self --- Hello Depression.
I kept engaging myself in the most masculine of all masculine activities to shield and hide the real me. Now all I wish for is to be the person who I so desperately want to be, and get depressed at how I lived a life of ignoring and self-insulting the real me. I can find a little solstice in the fact that "in the early years" there was a considerable lack of credible science to support transitioning. Though my transition has just begun and I can keep it covered up by my male clothes in public for now, as my breast are developing and there is coming a time when I will have to look this demon in the eye. Until then, for me, it seems this is the rollercoaster I am on. I am both looking forward to whipping this demon's ass as I run from it at the same time like a scared little girl.
Ugh!!
Just my thoughts ...
Marcie
Marcie dear,
Thank you for sharing (truly). It is , sometimes, a very difficult subject to broach, but when it is done, open the floodgates..
I could go into my own past , and its cause and effects for why I am who I am or why I feel as I do, however, for me, it is irrelevant. However, I do appreciate you sharing yours. It takes courage and strength ( neither incidentally are truly and soley masculine traits, so please do not take it as an insult), to share one's experiences in a public forum. I am sure, your insight and thoughts will be read by others who can relate, as I can to some of what you have stated, Though I may not have been "IN" the military, I have grown up in a military family, though its not the same, the structure may be similar.
*hugs* you will be in my thoughts and prayers. know that
you are not alone
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