25-09-2016, 04:23 AM
I just posted this on r/asktransgender, trying to sort my feelings, memories, and fears about being transgender.
Figured I'd post it here.
I want to switch from herbs and supps to a medically assisted transition eventually, which means I'll likely need to get a letter from a gender therarpist confirming that I have gender dysmorphia.
Here are my thoughts.
Hello, I am a 26 year old mtf transgendered person from the pacific northwest.
I have lived the past 25 years of my life as an asexual male, but this summer, the stars aligned, and I finally got the privacy and solitude I needed to explore my gender identity.
I have been fascinated and terrified by the way I feel about my gender for pretty much my whole life.
I have never really identified with the idea of masculinity. I never wanted to "be a man,' but I accepted it as the inevitable outcome of being born with xy chromosomes.
I have never been able to imagine myself as an adult male, or as a father.
At the same time, I've been curious about being female from a young age. I fantasized about waking up in a different body, living for a day as the other gender to see if it fit me better. I prayed and wished at every spiritual entity I could think of. Of course nothing happened, but I was still disappointed
These feelings weren't a huge part of my life, but they didn't really go away as I got older.
When I reached college age, I struggled with a lack of passion for what I was studying. I didn't care about succeeding in my education, I wasn't concerned with money or my future, I really only wanted some space from my parents so I could make my own decisions about my life.
Anyway, as I sat in my room alone last summer, I really felt the gravity of the situation I was in. I knew that I really really wanted to be more feminine, to get a chance to experience things I’d missed out on because of 25 years of fear. I felt a wrenching in my gut, the same feeling I got before I rode a roller coaster for the first time. The same feeling I had before I stepped out on stage for the first time.
And in that moment I knew.
If I don’t do something about this now, I will regret it forever.
It has been about four months since then, and I’ve spent about two of them so far attempting to transition using supplements and herbs. I have been getting some results, most noticably, my hair (which is 2 feet long and was starting to shed alarmingly quickly) began to shed at a normal rate.
I’m concerned with my future though, and at some point I want to switch to a medically assisted transition, especially since, when my health insurance comes through, I can get HRT for free.
The one roadblock is the required letter I’m supposed to get from a gender therapist. I’ve looked into informed consent clinics, but information about ones in my area is scarse.
Honestly, I’m a little terrified of being invalidated by a gender therapist. My problem is that I see my desire to transition as a positive one. Besides my genitals and body hair, I don’t hate my body. I’m gradually warming up to the idea of having breasts, but what I have so far still feels a little foreign to me.
I’m also not offended easily, and I’m still not really used to having female pronouns applied to myself, nor have I asked anyone to start using them on me, although I would appreciate it.
I really do want to transition, but from a skeptical standpoint (which I imagine a typical person performing a GID evaluation would have) I just don’t know if I hold water.
“Where’s the crippling distress?” they might ask, or “why is this a medical necessity?”
I’m just not sure how I can answer those questions. I’m an honest person, and it kills me to lie. I just don’t feel like I am fully female inside. I haven’t “earned it”
Anyway, if anyone is still reading this wall of text, thank you.
I’m really want to believe that my struggles are normal, that I have nothing to worry about and should just go to a gender therapist already.
Best case scenario: I get a friend and a letter
Figured I'd post it here.
I want to switch from herbs and supps to a medically assisted transition eventually, which means I'll likely need to get a letter from a gender therarpist confirming that I have gender dysmorphia.
Here are my thoughts.
Hello, I am a 26 year old mtf transgendered person from the pacific northwest.
I have lived the past 25 years of my life as an asexual male, but this summer, the stars aligned, and I finally got the privacy and solitude I needed to explore my gender identity.
I have been fascinated and terrified by the way I feel about my gender for pretty much my whole life.
I have never really identified with the idea of masculinity. I never wanted to "be a man,' but I accepted it as the inevitable outcome of being born with xy chromosomes.
I have never been able to imagine myself as an adult male, or as a father.
At the same time, I've been curious about being female from a young age. I fantasized about waking up in a different body, living for a day as the other gender to see if it fit me better. I prayed and wished at every spiritual entity I could think of. Of course nothing happened, but I was still disappointed
These feelings weren't a huge part of my life, but they didn't really go away as I got older.
When I reached college age, I struggled with a lack of passion for what I was studying. I didn't care about succeeding in my education, I wasn't concerned with money or my future, I really only wanted some space from my parents so I could make my own decisions about my life.
Anyway, as I sat in my room alone last summer, I really felt the gravity of the situation I was in. I knew that I really really wanted to be more feminine, to get a chance to experience things I’d missed out on because of 25 years of fear. I felt a wrenching in my gut, the same feeling I got before I rode a roller coaster for the first time. The same feeling I had before I stepped out on stage for the first time.
And in that moment I knew.
If I don’t do something about this now, I will regret it forever.
It has been about four months since then, and I’ve spent about two of them so far attempting to transition using supplements and herbs. I have been getting some results, most noticably, my hair (which is 2 feet long and was starting to shed alarmingly quickly) began to shed at a normal rate.
I’m concerned with my future though, and at some point I want to switch to a medically assisted transition, especially since, when my health insurance comes through, I can get HRT for free.
The one roadblock is the required letter I’m supposed to get from a gender therapist. I’ve looked into informed consent clinics, but information about ones in my area is scarse.
Honestly, I’m a little terrified of being invalidated by a gender therapist. My problem is that I see my desire to transition as a positive one. Besides my genitals and body hair, I don’t hate my body. I’m gradually warming up to the idea of having breasts, but what I have so far still feels a little foreign to me.
I’m also not offended easily, and I’m still not really used to having female pronouns applied to myself, nor have I asked anyone to start using them on me, although I would appreciate it.
I really do want to transition, but from a skeptical standpoint (which I imagine a typical person performing a GID evaluation would have) I just don’t know if I hold water.
“Where’s the crippling distress?” they might ask, or “why is this a medical necessity?”
I’m just not sure how I can answer those questions. I’m an honest person, and it kills me to lie. I just don’t feel like I am fully female inside. I haven’t “earned it”
Anyway, if anyone is still reading this wall of text, thank you.
I’m really want to believe that my struggles are normal, that I have nothing to worry about and should just go to a gender therapist already.
Best case scenario: I get a friend and a letter
