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Be more careful of what you DON’T wish for ?

#1

Be more careful of what you DON’T wish for ?
Many of us on here are warned about how growing breasts and wishing to be a woman can suddenly turn into reality,
So so many of us here are now on synthetics and some have gone the whole srs route in a remarkably short period of time,
I got thinking today, my wish has always been NOT TO BE A WOMAN , but I really can see now how the temptation, the inner struggle and to how so many can succumb,
Every day I ask myself the question, do I want to be a woman and the answer is no,
BUT I flipped it round today and said to myself ok
What if I did not live the fortunate life I do i.e. with
Good work, amazing family , i.e. single and no ties , etc
The same question gave a solid different answer , yes ? “what the fuck” ?
Where did that come from, ? and that answer was given to myself when I was calm, chilled, and happy today, it would have been even more positive if I was suffering the the heat and turmoil on some days,
Thankfully I love being a Man and all it entails and part of my intrinsic make up of myself is tied to my values and family, but I really can see how difficult this can be for say young , and single people of any age,
Reading many books over the last few weeks have made me realise how tough a path we lead, and after having read countless examples of people who have fully transitioned with far less severity of feelings than I have had, gulp.
Also many ,many cross dressers or people who just thought they were cross dressers suddenly transitioned when wife left or died, and there feelings were not that strong according to accounts.
So perhaps the inertia is not always from within,
So I answer myself if I had a major life changing even , death, divorce, job less, would I transition and just cut the struggle, yes could do ?
Crikey that’s a game changer,
What worries me a little is even some of the “rocks” on this board are moving to transition, yet thankfully some are not. It really , really is a Pandora box gamble,
The point of this post is simple, will power many times cannot stop transition once the forbidden fruit has been sampled, will power will not stop transition sometimes even if no breast growth or herbs or synthetics are taken if your TS she will come out, it’s just a matter and length of time, not all ts transition of course, but many live a life or a lie of madness.
So when I read , just starting pm and want a little breasts to fill my cups, as I am only a cross dresser, yes that was said by many booked into Thailand.
For me to even write this post , a seismic shift has occurred i.e. to even consider the possibility of transition under any circumstances, but I feel good today, and very collected and calm, after all this is what the herbs are meant to do, calm the and ease the sine waves.
The game changer is that I answered the thought with honesty rather than defensive denial.


Julie
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#2

I'll admit, it's only the job and family holding me back. If I was still single, or as you put it shit happened, then I could see myself going full steam ahead. Problem is, the synths give me more piece of mind than the herbs ever did. On top of that more I take, the better I feel. The wife also seems to be more supporting every day, ( oh she still hates it, but she no longer hates me for doing it ) as a side note, we seem to be getting along better now than we have for a while.

Definatly a slippery slope.
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#3

Mmmm, its an interesting one,

Am not entirely convinced that any one event leads people down that path - for some they would have ended up living as a woman at some point anyway for others I think its a case of they act on impulse and act without thought potentially leading to 'buyers remorse'.

For me am happy enough with things at present - BO has almost completely removed a desire to dress as a woman it almost has become a chore, it has totally removed the nagging voice in my head as well for wanted to do something in terms of becoming female. However I do have a desire to push things a lot further in terms of gender presentation - I dress as male but my hair has been every shade of blonde over the last 6 months and is now long enough for a (very small) ponytail - although that actually makes me look less female in some ways.

A large lottery win would certainly change things but am kind of happy with things as they are for now. I have realised that whilst I am looking even more female facially (I will post an updated pic soon) I normally sport a couple of days stubble (and am not bothered my having facial hair - body hair is another matter though!) so it prevents any confusion. I havent totally ruled out transitioning but I think that it isnt anything I would rush into - I think a lot will depend on how much more growth I get - if I get to a point where it would just be easier to present as a woman then I will worry about it when I need to. For me changing my body is no different to getting a tattoo or cosmetic surgery just possibly a little more extreme!

Am sure that for each person who has started NBE and ended up transitioning there are many more who havent or decided that it is not for them. I think like many things it is about self control and self discipline those who lack it may quickly find themselves hurtling down a very slippery slope.

Just my 2p's worth!

Megan

P.S Getting major swelling from Shatavari my breasts were aching all over this morning! Will post an update pic in next couple of days!
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#4

Oooooooh pls do

Very keen to see how Shatavari has altered breast shape

Tongue

Julie
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#5

Oh Julie, you've brought really interesting, but also very complicated topic.

First of all, I think that transgender experience is rather unique and while it is comparable to personal struggle of other people, it remains very specific.

I believe that every transgendered person has certain level of tendency to transition. However, it appears that in every transgendered person's life there are two groups of factors that influence personal evolution: pro-transition and anti-transition factors. And as in all that pertains to human psyche, those factors are biological, psychological, social and all of them are connected in intertwined loops of circular causalities. Pro-transition factors can be, for example, the severity of transgender condition, lack of ability to control inner impulses, positive ideas about living as different gender, access to means to transition, hormonal levels etc. On the other side protective factors can be satisfaction with current life, family, job, one's anxiety etc. Well, and during the life the balance of those factors shift... sometimes slowly, sometimes more dramatically. So yes, I believe that big changes in person's life can push them through the threshold.

Your post gave me the idea to honestly answer my own questions about myself... so...

Q: Do I want to be woman?
A: Yes, I always wanted.

Q: Do I want to transition?
A: No way!

Q: Am I able to live my life as a male?
A: Yes, but I still want to express my inner feminity.

Where am I on the slippery slope? Wink

Poly
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#6

Poli

Where are you on the slope ?

Hot and stable

Lol

X

Julie
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#7

Julie,

For me I don't see the realm of gender as a struggle but rather a journey.  There is no end goal that marks the difference between being happy and unhappy for me.  Even if I was born as a genetic female, I think I would still have restless feelings concerning my gender identity.
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#8

Great post. I'm like many, I wanted to feel more fem, some cures maybe some breasts. But once things got on a roll, I really liked the feeling. I'm wanting more. Lately I get depressed that I feel like im stuck in two worlds. I feel like my whole life surrounds being a male. With herbs, bo, pm they have done wonders. I want to continue, however I know there will be no tuning back. I was at the gym today and I looked at the mior and noticed how big my chest has gotten, my nipples are starting to bud so tight shirts soon will be out of the question.  Its what I've come to realize, and ok with it. In fact I acully want it. I hide my true self well, but It comes to the point of how far do u want to go?  I look at cis women and get jealous at how lucky they r to be a real women. No hidden sercerts, just being themselves. No one but u guys knows how I really feel, love the support.
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#9

Johnny, you need to look at my "Therapist" thread.  I am heading over right now to put my latest installment in.  I think it might help you somewhat.
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#10

(27-09-2016, 10:31 PM)iaboy Wrote:  Johnny, you need to look at my "Therapist" thread.  I am heading over right now to put my latest installment in.  I think it might help you somewhat.

Thanks love, will do.
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