The reason I am interested in doing this, is to put my thoughts down somewhere that people I don't want to know about me, wont know about me.

I am attempting to explore what led up to this point in my life, my worries and fears as well as any triumphs that may come my way.  But, I am also hoping to assure the rest of my friends that, borrowing a quote from U.S. President Roosevelt that, " All we have to fear, is fear itself!" 

That pursuing all roads, avenues is not a bad thing.  That if the road ahead seems good, then take it.  If not pause and re-think what brought you to this point, your desires, your happiness, worries, and inner comfort.

I will apoligize ahead of time.  I am not a professional writer, nor claim to be a bard of any sorts.  It's a fine line between interesting, entertainment and putting out knowledge.  But I will attempt to do all of them things....  Plus keep it short.  LOL  ( I know, too late already on the shortness!     The only thing I ask, if for you too follow with whatever discussion I head into, by all means add your thoughts.  But please don't go off onto a tangent.  I don't think I will go into licking my own nipples, having nipple orgasms as such.      Although, if truth be known, I am jealous of them topics.  

I will start off, later this afternoon with a couple of thoughts.  If anyone else has any questions please ask, but please try to follow the general topic.

O.k.  I will stick to my own guidelines, and hope it becomes all that that I have stated is my goals earlier.

Later

The reason I am interested in doing this, is to put my thoughts down somewhere that people I don't want to know about me, wont know about me.

I am attempting to explore what led up to this point in my life, my worries and fears as well as any triumphs that may come my way.  But, I am also hoping to assure the rest of my friends that, borrowing a quote from U.S. President Roosevelt that, " All we have to fear, is fear itself!" 

That pursuing all roads, avenues is not a bad thing.  That if the road ahead seems good, then take it.  If not pause and re-think what brought you to this point, your desires, your happiness, worries, and inner comfort.

I will apoligize ahead of time.  I am not a professional writer, nor claim to be a bard of any sorts.  It's a fine line between interesting, entertainment and putting out knowledge.  But I will attempt to do all of them things....  Plus keep it short.  LOL  ( I know, too late already on the shortness!     The only thing I ask, if for you too follow with whatever discussion I head into, by all means add your thoughts.  But please don't go off onto a tangent.  I don't think I will go into licking my own nipples, having nipple orgasms as such.      Although, if truth be known, I am jealous of them topics.  

I will start off, later this afternoon with a couple of thoughts.  If anyone else has any questions please ask, but please try to follow the general topic.

O.k.  I will stick to my own guidelines, and hope it becomes all that that I have stated is my goals earlier.

Later

Good luck with your visit. Hopefully the Dr can shed some light on your thoughts and feelings

Do not be afraid, we are here for you, and know what your going though.

Regardless, HRT does not mean transition, it's just another step in your evolution to find yourself.

O.k..  Here goes.  

What lead me to this state of mind.

As some of my friends have already read on my "Therapist" thread.  At first, I thought it was when my wife and I did a cross dress session for a Halloween Party. My therapist thought that rather than creating a false narrative of my condition....  it was more of a revelation that I would have to act on sooner or later.

Let me regress a little bit.  I was brought up by my mother, that for a man to show an interest in all things was not a bad thing.  Now, she never encouraged me to dress as the other sex, but she would buy me a doll and an action figure clear up till I was like 9yrs old.  Also, traditional things like chemistry sets, a BB gun, clothes etc.  But it was around the time I started to have friends come over and stay the night.  We would go out and run the neighborhood till dusk, come home and eat pizza ect.  A lot of times there was always some kind of a "boys" movie on, like sci-fi, zombies, Dracula ect.

But I learned real quick not to have my dolls out, my action figures was o.k..  You know, G.I Joe's and what not.

My mom was also very lax with nudity.  Not that she would go out in the main house nude for minutes or hours, but as she explained.....  "There are a few differences in boys/girls, you should know and not be afraid of it."  But, at the same time, if she forgot a towel after taking a bath, she would ask someone to get her one.  Or she would just simply walk the 10 feet from the bathroom to her and dad's bedroom and get dressed.

I have always been fascinated by women's bodies...  Both aesthetically and sexually.  But, I was always upset with the fact they could wear pretty clothes that seemed to have hugged most of their curves.  I figured that it was totally unfair, so wrong that they could wear pretty and sometimes revealing clothes, silky, stretchy.  But for boys/guys it was taboo.

After a couple of sessions, my therapist sort of surprised me with her idea that I probably was of both worlds, both sexes most, if not my entire life.  Maybe I could say shocked was the better word.

Anyways, I wonder how many of my friends here run parallel to my life and feelings?  I would love the short answer, and if there were slight differences, please explain.  I am truly interested.

After a couple of sessions, my therapist sort of surprised me with her idea that I probably was of both worlds, both sexes most, if not my entire life.  Maybe I could say shocked was the better word.

Anyways, I wonder how many of my friends here run parallel to my life and feelings?  I would love the short answer, and if there were slight differences, please explain.  I am truly interested.

Probably somewhat similar here iaboy.  This year I really really took a hard look at my life and how I ended up where I am now.  Bits and pieces popup here and there and made me realize it was there all along, it just wasn't something I ever understood.  It's not like stuff like this was discussed openly in the past.  Hell, it's still not discussed very openly.  I am somewhat envious of the newer generations, so much more love and support available to them.

Ya Sofia, that is somewhat my therapist said.  "Millennials are so much more accepting of things."  It is, like you said, different little things.  My wife has always said I have a great intuition on different points of views, and empathetic.   Hell, I just thought I was opinionated.  LOL!  

Iaboy

opinionated, never ?

lol

Julie

Thanks for doing this Iaboy!
It will become a great reference for all, and especially those just beginning to explore this world we are caught up in.
As for my trip, it was much like yours except sex and nudity were 'the devils tools'.
I remember tucking when I was probably 8 years old. I had no idea that was the way women looked but I just like the smooth appearance.
I had stuffed animals that had to go in the closet if any friends spent the night.
Once my friends were over and we were playing in my room. I had found my moms strapless bra in the cedar chest and I went out and put it on under my tee shirt and was about to tell my friends that I was really a girl. Unfortunately mom came in and caught me with her bra. Never did see that bra anymore.
But it shows me that I have always had a strong femme side, even when I didnt know it.
Bobbi

Thanks for doing this Iaboy!
It will become a great reference for all, and especially those just beginning to explore this world we are caught up in.
As for my trip, it was much like yours except sex and nudity were 'the devils tools'.
I remember tucking when I was probably 8 years old. I had no idea that was the way women looked but I just like the smooth appearance.
I had stuffed animals that had to go in the closet if any friends spent the night.
Once my friends were over and we were playing in my room. I had found my moms strapless bra in the cedar chest and I went out and put it on under my tee shirt and was about to tell my friends that I was really a girl. Unfortunately mom came in and caught me with her bra. Never did see that bra anymore.
But it shows me that I have always had a strong femme side, even when I didnt know it.
Bobbi

Ya, it's just the stupid little things that a "kid" does in life growing up.  And you either have a "Ah HAAH"" moment, or just feel weird.  It just goes to show, their are truths in stereotypical behaviors and outlooks.  It's not all bologna, eh?  

O.K..  Now for the "Worries and Fears" part of this exercise.

Now, here is where I lay bare the core of my soul....  I hope this is cathartic, but I am not sure as I am still dealing with my "inner Goblins".

Let me set it up like this.  There are a few reasons why most people fear death.

1.  The pain and uncertainty of "Going Over".

2.  Never seeing the loved ones again.  Except maybe if it's true that everyone meets up on the other side.  But there is a long wait hopefully.  

Now, as far as being trans gendered, I suppose most responsible, caring person has almost the same worries.  

1.  Will I just be a caricature of a woman when en femme?
2.  Will I become a poor knockoff as a man when in macho mode?
3.  Will my current living situations be irrevocably be dashed to bits?
4.  Will this path I am on lead to a little more stability for me and or happiness??

Or, and in my mind one of the biggest questions??  Will I be just putting things off for non existent fears and reservations? If I get offered HRT, that is and not accept it ?

Now I know, no one truly knows the outcome of the above questions when the first search for the answers to the above questions.  They may hope for the best, but expect the worst.  I also know, there are many branches that come off all the questions I have just stated.  I would love to hear how you dealt with such questions.   Good or bad.

I have a writing background and wrote books of poetry.  When I read your writing I am greatly interested and I find no fault.  One thing is writing hundreds of pages for a book takes years.  I am sure each of us could write a book if we wanted.