[EndlessEden_mn2010]

Great post. I'm like many, I wanted to feel more fem, some cures maybe some breasts. But once things got on a roll, I really liked the feeling. I'm wanting more. Lately I get depressed that I feel like im stuck in two worlds. I feel like my whole life surrounds being a male. With herbs, bo, pm they have done wonders. I want to continue, however I know there will be no tuning back. I was at the gym today and I looked at the mior and noticed how big my chest has gotten, my nipples are starting to bud so tight shirts soon will be out of the question.  Its what I've come to realize, and ok with it. In fact I acully want it. I hide my true self well, but It comes to the point of how far do u want to go?  I look at cis women and get jealous at how lucky they r to be a real women. No hidden sercerts, just being themselves. No one but u guys knows how I really feel, love the support.

I completely understand exactly what you mean.. ive more often than i can count to myself, thought "why is society so cruel to me. all i want is my own happiness. they have it, within them selves. why cant i?"

That slope is a crazy one with many sharp turns. IF you get caught up in it... i keep a journal to make sure i dont do anything stupid like one day decide im going to push for HRT. Thats not who i am right now, i remind myself with words and written reminders.

 I think the most important thing is to always remember who you are and who you want to be at all times, not just in the moment. If you can achieve it and have no regrets, go for it. If there is a chance to regret it, dont.

Not saying that you may regret it. down the line(Depression has no gender...), just never forget why you choose to do anything. Its your reasons, the importance of them. That drives dedication and happiness. Or else its a endless circle.

[johnnyboy7585]

Very true, i agree.

[Sofia Bunny]

I forgot about this post since I was out of town when it was posted and didn't get a chance to respond.  When I started I was a definite no.  I just didn't see that as an option for me due to family work etc.  Plus I was pretty sure I would make one scary hideous woman.  I never ruled it out as a possibility as one just never knows what tomorrow will bring.  I would also ask myself if I wanted to be a woman, and always came to the same conclusion, no, just wasn't for me.  Though I really wasn't much of a manly male to begin with, I suppose I have always sat on the fence, but more so male than female.

Things got really murky for me when I did my makeover session.   Turned out, I didn't look too bad as a female.  So there went one of the big ones that was keeping me from considering transitioning.  While the answer was still no, it was a hesitant and mildly reluctant no.  Then there was work, having to deal with that would be too much of a nightmare and to me just not worth the headache.  That changed recently as now I can pretty much work from home!  Well damn, there went another one.  So examining things now as to would I, I am not sure anymore, maybe?  Sometimes it's maybe yes, other times it's maybe no.  Digging deeper, it's family that is the hinderance.  My parents would not understand, nor my grandparents, pretty much would be disowned.  And my wife definitely doesn't understand or accept this, and no matter how many times or different ways I try and bring it up it never goes well.  So I can't even come out to my wife.  But it does appear that with time ones perspective and outlook may perhaps skew from one side to the other.  Though I think for myself I don't think I would fit well 100% of either.  I think going with how I feel that day fits me a lot better.

Long story short, I didn't wish for this, it was never something I considered on the table, but somehow there it is, staring me right in the face.

[jannet.duff]

Long story short, I didn't wish for this, it was never something I considered on the table, but somehow there it is, staring me right in the face.

So very true..

[Ways Tonn]

Poly you radiate femininity, you want to remain male? With such prominent breast growth and long hair and shapely nails how do you go about passing off as male? Just curious cause if you can than whoa #majorhope and inspiration

[polymorphis]

Poly you radiate femininity, you want to remain male? With such prominent breast growth and long hair and shapely nails how do you go about passing off as male? Just curious cause if you can than whoa #majorhope and inspiration

Oh, thank you for your kind words!

Well, I am passing as a male without any problems. In fact, outside of my closet, I present as male only. During last year, I've got ma'amed only handful of times.

Maybe it will surprise you, but I've been outside dressed as a girl only once, many years ago, and that was while attending the last bell celebration for high school graduates - there is a custom in Czech Republic to dress in different costumes during that day.

So ... #majorhope?

Actually, I would like to be able to incorporate my feminine qualities more into my life. I manage to do that slowly, one step at a moment. For me it is something like partial transition. It is more psychological than physical process. When I fully accepted that me being transgendered is not just a fetish and when I begun to uncover and embrace my feminine qualities, level of my anxiety dropped. On the other side, I am still not 'there'. I would like to be brave enough to go out en femme from time to time. However, I am rather anxious person and fear of being ridiculed holds me back.

But full transition is something I am not considering at the moment. It would be too difficult and with current state of my life negatives would too far outweigh the positives. Moreover, I believe that the true strength of us, transgender people, is in our duality. I don't say me transitioning could not happen, but my life or my insight would have to change in a major way.

Poly

[The First Aria]

Maybe Poly, you can hit a balance where you don't need to hide either the male or female side.  That is my quest as well..

[johnnyboy7585]

Great reply's guys! Its a crazy road we find our self's on. This is a great support group we have here. After being on and off b.o, current on, I wonder  how far I can go? I seem to want more lately. As so many said on here before you start out with , o I just wanna feminize my body alttle, to wow this is awesome. I've never felt better, then to let my inner women out. Problem is once shes out its hard to get her back in.  B.o is some serious stuff, my body, mind is very diffrent from what it was.  Its crazy to me that  i've pondered srs. idk if its just me. So I'll say this I always wanted to be a women, but now im getting very close to my dream, I wonder if I pushed to fast.

[The First Aria]

Well Johnny, it must of been deep in the back of your mind for a very long time.  That is one of my fears too....  Going too far and having to live as either an effeminate man, or a Tom Boy.  But my therapist is of a mind that thinks it will work out well for me rather I am dead in the middle, or slip off the edge.

I just wished I shared her happy thoughts

[Katie]

I must admit that the longer I`m HRT the more my prior "No`s" are becomming "Hell Yes!", like I`v grabbed my femininity by the lapels and said "I`m with you kid, Lets Go!"
And I really don`t care

I know for a full fact that my brain is Female, else HRT would have f**ked me up, it hasn`t!, Life is Soooo much better now in Every way.
I was diagnosed as transsexual when I was 19, it`s now 30 years later, I need to finally do this for my sanity and Life (I was falling apart on almost every level before).
I don`t thinlk for a second that HRT can Make you Into something you`re not, or choose things you don`t truly want, at least not in any Positive ways unless it`s already in you anyway.

I suspect there may be a lot more latent MTF transitioners on here than actually Know it yet, of course there  is, who`s who though.... only time will tell!