[Nikki9]

Awww, super cute!

It's usually like:

Her: "I see that ..."

-or-

Her: "That facial expression..."

The prospect of asking for a feminine cut in the parlour stocked on lady hairdressers and their gossiping customers is harsh for me too. Wouldn't asking a guy be easier?

It depends. I think the biggest problem would be number of other customers, you've already mentioned it. I've read somewhere that it is better to pick more expensive place, because they tend to be more professional and don't ask unpleasant questions. However, I wouldn't do that in the city centre . It would be nice to have a list of trans-friendly establishments, but I am afraid that in our small country we are not that far. Maybe in Prague...

What are you gonna get lasered? The face? Sooner or later, that's a must.

Face, of course Having any facial hair is of no use for me and I am confident to say it will remain like that for the rest of my life.

Poly

I want to laser my face my back my butt and then i want to lazer my nose so its smaller in size just a little off the top. Go LazerS!!!!

[oki]

Hi!
I did my month long term without E and AAs in August and resumed them in September. The break turned out to be surprisingly unpleasant but informative affair.

Breasts lost all sensitivity by the third week. Volume loss by far exceeded my expectations, apparently between half and 2/3 went away in a month. That raises a question what exactly makes the breast look so full? Must be some temporary tissue swelling, because gland won't go away ever and fat won't go in a month (or will it?). Also it tones down those alarming statements in the vein of "once you got'em, you have'em for life". I do, but much, much smaller than web testimonies made me believe.

Oily skin. My face looks like a mess, it's almost not funny!

More serious consequence was rather extreme horniness. Difficulty to concentrate, to sustain attention. Morning wood. Etc.

The most insidious effect, though, was rise/return of doubt and discontentment. On one hand I felt like I lost my track, I'm wasting time, I'm breaking my decision and sabotaging my endeavour. On the other hand I looked into the mirror and felt not pretty enough, further attempts at feminization futile and foolish.

Overall, the break seems like a misstep, albeit necessary one. The idea was to get a clearer perspective and get some important work done. The reality (or my interpretation of it) is that perspective got dimmed by incessant doubt and work got delayed and interrupted by anger and frustration. And fighting off the urge to go have a wank. Phew!
So... I don't see myself repeating such a radical break anytime soon. Regular breaks are not a viable proposition either, considering the hassle of gradual weening off the dosage and then building up again and more importantly the spike in horniness (far greater than in pre-NBE days, IIRC) and skin problems. The next time I feel a need to slow down, I'll rather try to find and settle on a maintenance dose, if there is such a thing.

Anyway, I decided to continue with feminization, doubt notwithstanding. When I'm okay, it feels great and when I'm down, well... I learnt to ignore my feelings when I'm down, remembering the reasonings of sunny days instead. Plus I already carry quite a baggage of abandoned projects and stillborn plans so I can't very well afford another... But indeed, there is a wall where I'm headed where I'll have to stop or take the consequence like ah... a man. Meanwhile:

My regimen, ramped up a bit:
PM 1000 mg/day
FG 500 mg/day (1000mg in a previous post was a typo)
reishi 45 drops/day
WP 60 drops/day
PC
MSM 4-5 g/day
coconut oil teaspoon/day
milk thistle 1-2 teaspoons/day (ground seed husks)
green tea with spearmint
soy beverage

Also I finally made it happen to implement three daily doses instead of two AND stick to it. Very fancy and feels right, but so far I missed one afternoon dose and immediately got sick. Such dependence is downright scary and should it happen again, I'll have to think things over very hard...

Breasts are getting back to shape fast, and could be at pre-break size in 2 or 3 weeks. Libido is still quite high, but managable; face is stabilizing.

Let me conclude with a question. How much are phytoestrogens susceptible to heat? I made a stock of dried red clover, can I make an infusion of it and reap benefits or rather just eat it? Thank you!

[The First Aria]

Hi!
I did my month long term without E and AAs in August and resumed them in September. The break turned out to be surprisingly unpleasant but informative affair.

I too had to take a break for 2 months, as one of my hormones were a little elevated.

I felt real lost, questioning all that I said or did. Fogged up...

Breasts lost all sensitivity by the third week. Volume loss by far exceeded my expectations, apparently between half and 2/3 went away in a month. That raises a question what exactly makes the breast look so full? Must be some temporary tissue swelling, because gland won't go away ever and fat won't go in a month (or will it?). Also it tones down those alarming statements in the vein of "once you got'em, you have'em for life". I do, but much, much smaller than web testimonies made me believe.

I read somewhere, that glandular tissue occupies about 35 - 50% of breast mass. I wish I could find that again. But it was in the beginning of my Gynecomastia.

Oily skin. My face looks like a mess, it's almost not funny!

More serious consequence was rather extreme horniness. Difficulty to concentrate, to sustain attention. Morning wood. Etc.

The most insidious effect, though, was rise/return of doubt and discontentment. On one hand I felt like I lost my track, I'm wasting time, I'm breaking my decision and sabotaging my endeavour. On the other hand I looked into the mirror and felt not pretty enough, further attempts at feminization futile and foolish.

Overall, the break seems like a misstep, albeit necessary one. The idea was to get a clearer perspective and get some important work done. The reality (or my interpretation of it) is that perspective got dimmed by incessant doubt and work got delayed and interrupted by anger and frustration. And fighting off the urge to go have a wank. Phew!
So... I don't see myself repeating such a radical break anytime soon. Regular breaks are not a viable proposition either, considering the hassle of gradual weening off the dosage and then building up again and more importantly the spike in horniness (far greater than in pre-NBE days, IIRC) and skin problems. The next time I feel a need to slow down, I'll rather try to find and settle on a maintenance dose, if there is such a thing.

Anyway, I decided to continue with feminization, doubt notwithstanding. When I'm okay, it feels great and when I'm down, well... I learnt to ignore my feelings when I'm down, remembering the reasonings of sunny days instead. Plus I already carry quite a baggage of abandoned projects and stillborn plans so I can't very well afford another... But indeed, there is a wall where I'm headed where I'll have to stop or take the consequence like ah... a man. Meanwhile:

My regimen, ramped up a bit:
PM 1000 mg/day
FG 500 mg/day (1000mg in a previous post was a typo)
reishi 45 drops/day
WP 60 drops/day
PC
MSM 4-5 g/day
coconut oil teaspoon/day
milk thistle 1-2 teaspoons/day (ground seed husks)
green tea with spearmint
soy beverage

Also I finally made it happen to implement three daily doses instead of two AND stick to it. Very fancy and feels right, but so far I missed one afternoon dose and immediately got sick. Such dependence is downright scary and should it happen again, I'll have to think things over very hard...

Breasts are getting back to shape fast, and could be at pre-break size in 2 or 3 weeks. Libido is still quite high, but managable; face is stabilizing.

Let me conclude with a question. How much are phytoestrogens susceptible to heat? I made a stock of dried red clover, can I make an infusion of it and reap benefits or rather just eat it? Thank you!

A person gotta do, what a person gotta do! Hang in there, and if you haven't, maybe a therapist might do you good if you haven't already.

[oki]

Hello!
I've recently got me a job as a carer for the disabled in the UK, which means a lot of travelling, challenges, learning and no time for BN. I'm back home for a while though so it's time for an update on my progress.
There were many reasons behind my going for this kind of job, several of them, should I say, trans-related. I needed the finance to fund some more serious steps towards feminization (facial hair removal, for instance). I wanted to get away from the inhibitions of my hometown, family, background, habits, etc. and explore my trans feelings with fresh perspective. I wanted to confront those feelings, efforts and results with the world out there, beyond my everyday horizon.  I wanted to finally have an encounter with a guy, which I don't feel like doing in my own backyard, it being a small town and all...
What was learned and achieved? Money... 's not that bad mate, to borrow a phrase. Guys... I dipped my toes in a world of gay dating apps and had some girly fun with that but nothing real happened yet. Apparently I'm too fem and not that interesting for your average gay Joe, heh.
NBE... It was difficult to maintain the regimen, but I was feeling very motivated most of the time and stuck to the core stuff: PM with Ca, WP, reishi, PC, coconut oil. FG irregularly. At one point I run out of reishi and seeing the £ prices opted to replace it with EPO. I must admit I might have underestimated the AA potency of my cheap Czech reishi extract, as the effects of T seemed to kick in hard soon after.
After just 6 or 7 weeks of careless/irregular dosing (following another break) I ended with quite serious results. It's fun and joy when hidden behind walls or clothes, but when naked... The splendid days of ambiguity are gone and I now look like a transsexual-in-making. And more and more self-conscious of the fact, like a teen girl ashamed of her changing body. I used to enjoy going to the pool or spa and show off a little, now I find it really hard to stand the looks and occasional muffled talk ("you see?" "yeah" "never seen a trans before" "neither did I"). Well I don't run away from such situations but can't enjoy myself in them anymore.
And that's the point where I ask what's the point of the whole damn thing? When it tangibly subtracts from my enjoyment of life and adds to it in subtle ways only? I always felt that my feminization has to be authentic or not to be at all; an integral and natural part of my experience that must not devolve into something hidden and shameful, a fetish. Yet this fight for uh... "purity of vision" seems to be a losing case at the moment.
On the other hand the solid fact is there is no going back to the flat chest, hair all over, doing husbandly tasks for GFs, competing with males, being on top in bed... Thus I carry on with my journey, two steps onward and one step back, trying and often failing to enjoy the process, hoping it doesn't end in disaster...

[oki]

And another thing I would like to mention. I liked to dismiss the idea of hormones hard-rewiring the brain, much preferring the notion the behavioral or self-perception changes are the consequence of self-conditioning, repeated enforcement of desired behavioral patterns, put simply: of choice. Not so sure anymore. There are some changes that I wouldn't choose willingly and could have hardly been learned or mimicked as most of the time I live the male life I've always lived.
For example I often find it easier to intuitively grasp complex problems or situations, seeing immidiately hidden causalities, connections, flaws... big-picture style. On the other hand I have trouble putting thoughts & feelings into words, because then you work with details and I have increasingly trouble working with a lot of details . Makes dialogues and sharing incredibly frustrating sometimes...
Even more pronounced (and typical) change is I can't stand that typically male logical reasoning anymore. When he (or even she) listens silently to your tirade and then just blurts out guaranteed solution. I always did it. And conversely I find myself more often just talking about things, just commenting, just sorting out, not looking for friggin' solution. Like in these recent rants, see?  I was often bored to death when women did that to me...
Ahem, anyone who can relate to this?

[polymorphis]

Hi Oki,

I've been thinking where have you been recently. It is good to see you back!

And I have to say, your results are really fantastic! You are one of the examples that NBE does work! Your breasts have lovely shape, your nipples and areolas look well developed. And the symmetry ... just beautiful. I thought that breasts would look good on your frame and I was right   .

I see that you took effort to feminize serious. I very well understand what you have written: "... there is no going back to the flat chest, hair all over ...", because I feel the same. But the question is, what to do?

I am not very experienced in such things as dating, but I feel that gay men are different strain than men who are attracted to T-girls. Maybe you should try social networks focused on trans-dating. What do you think?

Poly

[Ways Tonn]

you achieved that growth and shape and volume all in 6-7 weeks? please do tell me the regimen and secret and if you can still function down there as my wife would not be happy about the loss of that but the breasts would def make for good bedroom fun lol. would love to have breasts of your shape and volume, kudos to you. Far as dating, if you are trans straight men are actually statistically more fascinated and attracted to trans women. Sadly they see them usually as sexual objects vs honest women but nonetheless thy are there and wonderful. Idk if Grindr is popular where you live in the UK but in the US it is wonderful before i got married i met very many honest men and lovely friends on there not all were pervs.

[Happyme]

Holy smokes Oki! Your breasts are amazing!
Beautiful shape and, like Poly said, the size fits your frame perfectly.
It sounds like your suffering from buyers remorse, you wanted beautiful breast and a more feminine look and you got it.
Sounds like its time to sit down with your self and have a chat with where the future is heading. Write it down, and visit it often.
Next you should see a therapist to get a professional opinion and some guidance.
Most of all we are here, and many of us have (are) going down the same wiggly path. Your not alone!
As for missing the spa's, well just think of how you will wow them at the topless beaches!
Look forward not back.
Hugs
Bobbi

[oki]

Thanks for the kind words!!

Yep, the search for some trans-specific or trans-friendly dating app is on my to-do list, just right there at the bottom.

This is the result of almost a year on herbals. What I meant was 6 or 7 weeks of dosing after the most recent break. Thing is, even a short break causes me a substantial loss of fullness and sensation so the subsequent growth seems almost miraculous.
Not sure what to say about the function. It's definitelly impaired, but the "damage" is rather in the head than down there if you get what I mean. It could still work, but I just can't be bothered. But my feelings regarding this are very much in flux, it's really hard to generalize in a meaningful way.
I guess Grindr is popular everywhere. Tried Scruff as well, full of beefy hairy guys... who want beefy hairy guys. How sad!  

Do I regret I'm getting what I wished for? Don't think so, I'm just scared of the slowly emerging definitiveness of it all. I could go back if held at a gunpoint, but there is just noone who would point that gun at me, so I will have to go through it all. There's almost some elegant, unescapable logic in it...
Also, these semi-histrionic posts of mine are sort of therapy, an opportunity to contemplate and reflect, sometimes on the worst case scenarios. I'm not prone to vent emotions or complain in real life, so I gladly overdo it here.

What to do Poly? As Bobbi said: look forward not back. I would add: while trying to stay true to yourself. Acknowledging and accepting that "yourself" is changing beyond your control. Wild!!

Anyways, I really admire some people here who just set their goal and get down to work on it without much fuss.

[julieTG]

Stunningly beautiful
Julie