[Darla]

Not really looking for an answer as I know everyone is different. I just need a place to vent. I guess. I don't know. I am seeing a counsellor but here's me:
I'm bio male. 
However I wish I had woman's breasts (why I'm here in the first place)
I like having my penis but can't stand having my testicles. 
It's like, I want to be both male and female. So messed up in my head and stressed out. 
I've tried to "classify" myself. But that's not helpful. 
Are you male? Nope. Female? Nope. It's like I feel both. I like being male, but there's qualities I like and don't like. Same with being a woman. 
I'm a male trapped inside... both?


How about you? Did you find peace? How did you do it?

I still have a lot of soul searching I guess.

[Happyme]

Hi Darla,
Who are you?? Hmmm, A question we all ask. Boy or girl or both. There is a topic floating around here 'two spirit'. do a search and you might find some help. Aria maybe can chime in.
Your not alone in your confusion, thats for sure. Your on the right path though by seeing a counselor. Its good to let it out to someone that can help. Mostly just to hear your self and your own answers.

At any rate consider your blessed. You can enjoy all the boy stiff, and all the girl stuff too. Shopping for dresses, isn't that wonderful??
Stay calm and enjoy all the beautiful things around you every day. Deal with and ignore all the other stuff.
Bobbi

[Pansy-Mae]

Darla,
As you say, we are all different so you are the only one who can answer your own question about who/what you are. We have all asked basically the same question, of course, and have to find our own answers, and if  it helps you to talk to somebody, as you are doing, then thats great. 
For me personally, I guess I was fortunate in some ways, because although as a teen in the '60's I had to keep my cross-dressing secret, it never felt 'wrong' and I have always felt as comfortable/natural wearing female clothing as male.  That was the answer for me, to not try to define myself as something specific, but simply to accept that I am me and go with the flow, whichever direction that is at any given time. As a f'rinstance, I normally wear a bra all day because I like it, but I've just come back from a holiday where I spent virtually the whole time "topless" by the pool because a bikini would have simply been much too obvious.

[The First Aria]

I agree Darla....  Do a search for the Native American term of "Two Spirit".  I find that taken as a whole, I agree with about 75% of that term.  Other than the fact I am no where even bi-sexual but a happy Heterosexual, which is some of the "Two Spirit" term I am in disagreement with.

For instance, I find I am as comfortable in a women's blouse and slacks in public as I am in all male clothing.  Even to the point that when I feel feminine, I wear light daytime makeup even a lot in public lately.  But, there are times when I don't want to mess with the "frills" due to family events, or just plain not in the feeling.   But, then maybe the next week, I am all gurl...  Go figure, right??

[PaulaJ]

Have you considered you might be bigender, genderfluid, or non-binary?

These are the terms people are using to describe things similar to what you describe Darla and Aria. Googling these terms will probably bring a better explanation than one I can give. In any case, you are not alone in feeling this way. I personally don't know that I want to go through the entire transition process, and that is a large part of why I'm going the herbal route, rather than the more traditional route with a therapist and endo and such...I want breasts and to keep my long hair, I don't necessarily to go through surgery or any of the documentation headaches involved in becoming a female legally.

[Skye is on fire]

Askatransgender at reddit is great for that.  There are alot of folks who identify as you do on there and that would also be a good place to get info specifically.

[VergeOfDiscovery]

Askatransgender at reddit is great for that.  There are alot of folks who identify as you do on there and that would also be a good place to get info specifically.

Reddit is awesome: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/

[VergeOfDiscovery]

Not really looking for an answer as I know everyone is different. I just need a place to vent. I guess. I don't know. I am seeing a counsellor but here's me:
I'm bio male. 
However I wish I had woman's breasts (why I'm here in the first place)
I like having my penis but can't stand having my testicles. 
It's like, I want to be both male and female. So messed up in my head and stressed out. 
I've tried to "classify" myself. But that's not helpful. 
Are you male? Nope. Female? Nope. It's like I feel both. I like being male, but there's qualities I like and don't like. Same with being a woman. 
I'm a male trapped inside... both?


How about you? Did you find peace? How did you do it?

I still have a lot of soul searching I guess.

A gay work friend of mine use to badger me that there's only straight or gay, there's no bi, no in between. He was gay and he liked me a lot and his own bias was slanted by a desire for what he wanted - and that bias seemed to me to be not that much different from much of the anti gay bias (just different motives) out there.

Personally, the last thing I'm interested in is venturing on a path that is not my own. Fitting in a box that I did not take an active part in creating is not only boring, it's a bit like dying...especially when you really want to feel like you're living and living the life YOU want.

And at this point, it's hard to see myself in a traditional m/f relationship, playing house and doing all the things one is supposed to do. Boring. I'd rather be on my own. I'm attracted to the different, and I also want to be the different.

No doubt there's pressure out there among some that even if open to transgender, the other shades and varieties in between are still frowned upon.

The desire to be a man with female breasts is one of those shades. To me it's a beautiful one and takes some courage to embrace.

One thing to keep in mind is that although some, if not many, would frown upon that straying from the accepted boxes, some out there would definitely find it very appealing!

[Darla]

Thanks for the reddit posts. There is some very good reads out there.

I guess, it's just one of those things where I wish it was just "accepted" to be who you want to be.

I know people are usually scared of the unknown, and often history shows that rather than accepting, it seems to be the norm that if we can't eat it, or f-it, we kill it. Rudimentary yes, but in many aspects true to this day.

For example - at work everyone knows me as a fun lovable, married guy.. showed up one day wearing a kilt and everyone backed up quite a bit. Asking me if it was some kinda "Scottish day" or something. Why the reaction? Because it wasn't normal for a guy to do this. They became inquisitive and even shy. Why can't society as a whole just learn to "accept" there may be things different. - We may even have a lot less stress in general.


--
Again - just rants and thoughts.

[MeganJ]

Thanks for the reddit posts. There is some very good reads out there.

I guess, it's just one of those things where I wish it was just "accepted" to be who you want to be.

I know people are usually scared of the unknown, and often history shows that rather than accepting, it seems to be the norm that if we can't eat it, or f-it, we kill it. Rudimentary yes, but in many aspects true to this day.

For example - at work everyone knows me as a fun lovable, married guy.. showed up one day wearing a kilt and everyone backed up quite a bit. Asking me if it was some kinda "Scottish day" or something. Why the reaction? Because it wasn't normal for a guy to do this. They became inquisitive and even shy. Why can't society as a whole just learn to "accept" there may be things different. - We may even have a lot less stress in general.


--
Again - just rants and thoughts.

Hi Darla,


I guess the same goes for most of us on here whether transitioning or staying male. You have to do what is right for you, no one else is you and although there are similarities between all our fears and insecurities we all deal with them differently. 

Whilst it possibly is easier being or identifying as completely transgender just in terms of how others process things for some there is definitely an inbetween point where they are happiest. I guess fear of what other people think is the biggest thing to overcome, but have found people I am out to are whilst in shock so far being sympathetic and supportive.

Its good when you finally figure things out whatever that is you wish to do or become, fear shouldn't hold us back from choosing what makes us happy and complete.

Megan