[Lotus]

Welcome Myranda, 

That was a nice intro, I think you'll need a program thread (asap) so we can follow your journey here at the nexum. 

Good luck, 
L.

[Myranda]

Welcome Myranda, 

That was a nice intro, I think you'll need a program thread (asap) so we can follow your journey here at the nexum. 

Good luck, 
L.

Thanks Lotus. As soon as my GD and I discuss and start my HRT regimine, i will post here

[Myranda]

Welcome Myranda, 

That was a nice intro, I think you'll need a program thread (asap) so we can follow your journey here at the nexum. 

Good luck, 
L.

Thanks Lotus. As soon as my GD and I discuss and start my HRT regimine, i will post here

I just wanted  to pop in here and say ,that back at the end of January or Early February, I chickened out about HRT.    I'm still a bit confused as to whether or not I am trans, but over the last few weeks, I've been questioning ,or rather doubting  or seconding guessing my decision to not pursue MtF HRT earlier in the year.  I am so tempted to start NBE again right now, but a part of me is yelling at me to tell in therapist that I really do want to try MtF HRT and make a new appoint with my GD and get my prescription.  I believe that had I kept my last appointment with my GD that we would have gone over the Informed consent form and that she would have prescribed my meds.  I feel even more so right now, that I need to experience my emotional and psyche on E to find out whether or not it just clicks and I can be truly happy and at peace.

from my talks with my therapist and GD, I do not fit the "classic experience" of one who is Trans, but at the same time I almost feel compelled to do this.  But while I most certainly welcome the emotional and definitely the hopefully physical results, I'm terrified to take the leap.  I mean this "secret" has already ruined and ended my marriage to the woman I absolutely love and adore, I don't want to ruin the other parts of my life.  But there is something about this tha tI feel I really need to explore via experience via feminine emotional and physical development.

[Myranda]

Welcome Myranda, 

That was a nice intro, I think you'll need a program thread (asap) so we can follow your journey here at the nexum. 

Good luck, 
L.

Thanks Lotus. As soon as my GD and I discuss and start my HRT regimine, i will post here

I just wanted  to pop in here and say ,that back at the end of January or Early February, I chickened out about HRT.    I'm still a bit confused as to whether or not I am trans, but over the last few weeks, I've been questioning ,or rather doubting  or seconding guessing my decision to not pursue MtF HRT earlier in the year.  I am so tempted to start NBE again right now, but a part of me is yelling at me to tell in therapist that I really do want to try MtF HRT and make a new appoint with my GD and get my prescription.  I believe that had I kept my last appointment with my GD that we would have gone over the Informed consent form and that she would have prescribed my meds.  I feel even more so right now, that I need to experience my emotional and psyche on E to find out whether or not it just clicks and I can be truly happy and at peace.

from my talks with my therapist and GD, I do not fit the "classic experience" of one who is Trans, but at the same time I almost feel compelled to do this.  But while I most certainly welcome the emotional and definitely the hopefully physical results, I'm terrified to take the leap.  I mean this "secret" has already ruined and ended my marriage to the woman I absolutely love and adore, I don't want to ruin the other parts of my life.  But there is something about this tha tI feel I really need to explore via experience via feminine emotional and physical development.

Just a little update, the last month has been more than a bit trying, between my pending divorce and my own gender issues. It was around then that the pink fog, or the need feminize my body and develop natural breasts and other feminine features kicked back into high gear. v AS I mentioned in my may 3rd update, I had been debating with myself whether or not to start discussing this again with my therapist as I try to continue to move forward in coping and dealing with my divorce.  But last week, I kind of hinted at it towards the end of my sesison and about 1/2 way through my session yesterday it just came flooding out.  I'm not completely sure why it was so hard to talk about it again, but once I did I immediately felt better, and wished that my session was at least twice as long.
 
I started to discuss with my therapist the thought process  I was going through in regards to trying Julie's microdose experiment and exploring the effects it has on me emotionally and psychologically. To see if it can help bring me some peace, or calm, or help at least help me find some answers within myself.  I'm very tempted to follow Julie's lead, but am terrified of doing it unsupervised.

Other than some self-image issues I had growing up thanks to some general bullying and some negative things that happened to me after college affecting how I view myself, I've never really been sure how I ended up on this road.  Everything I have explored seems to be only a piece of the puzzle that is me.   Somewhere within me is a deep rooted desire or need or something in between to develop my own natural breasts.  Something has caused me to naturally have low T, and being on T replacement therapy has made some physical improvements, it hasn't helped me emotionally or psychologically.  And I honestly don't think I gave PM or BOP enough of a chance to really notice their effects of any kind.  Though I can say that I have gone from basically flat to having something, but I'm not sure what you would call them, but it may not all be from the intermittent herbs and BO I took.

All that being said, my Therapist pretty much came out and said that she is supportive of the idea of me starting HRT as a means to help me find my own answers.  I intend to continue this conversation with my therapist next week and from there will try to decide if I need, want  or should call my GD to (re-)schedule my informed consent appointment and proceed.

[Myranda]

Well I meet with my therapist tomorrow, but this afternoon I went ahead and scheduled an appointment with my GD.  And thank God I did, the next available appointment is not until June 29th. So I have 30 days to keep myself focused and positive.

I have spent a good portion of the weekend on this board reading through threads and watching people's youtube channels about their experiences.  I also spent a good portion of it wearing heels my forms. And honestly felt very comfortable. in my "skin".  It was actually one wayward glance at myself in the mirror that convinced me.   Now if only I could find a cute pair of ankle bootie heels in my size (13).

I;ve been seriously contemplating ordering my own E either via patches or gel but am honestly a bit affraid to undertake anymore of this unmonitored by a professional.  I had my Galbaldder out this time last year due to Galstones, which I think I caused by taking PM or something, as one of the leading reasons for Gallstones is high levels of E.

[The First Aria]

Sounds like luck is turning towards you...  Keep us informed.

[Myranda]

Sounds like luck is turning towards you...  Keep us informed.

You may be right. My GD's office just called to offer me a much earlier appointment. It went from the end of the month to Monday the 5th.

I am both super excited and happy and scared, nervous amd terrifed at the same time. Though honestly, it is more the happy positive emotions right now.

[The First Aria]

Sounds like luck is turning towards you...  Keep us informed.

You may be right. My GD's office just called to offer me a much earlier appointment. It went from the end of the month to Monday the 5th.

I am both super excited and happy and scared, nervous amd terrifed at the same time. Though honestly, it is more the happy positive emotions right now.

I was too, hon...  Just take a DEEP breath and enjoy the ride!!

[Myranda]

Well it is official, I got my 1st prescription for Estradiol 2mg/daily today. 

I went to see my GD this morning and went over the Informed consent paperwork, and signed it.  It was a kind of anti-climatic.  I kind of expected her to ask me more questions, but she went through all the information on the form, and we discussed several items, and then I initialed my affirmative responses as appropriate and then signed at the bottom.  And as soon as I was done, she put the order in for my prescription at my local pharmacy.  I actually got the automated call from the pharmacy telling me my prescription was ready for pick up before I got back to work.

Picking up the prescription was 100% completely normal.  I was kind of nervous that the pharmacist would somehow let on that he knew what he was handing me.

So my question now is, do I take my first dose tonight, or wait until the morning, when I take my other vitamins and stuff?

[The First Aria]

Cant help ya.  I use the skin patch myself.