[julieTG]

Episodal and Intensity of Feelings
Looking back today I was a little shocked at how the desire for breasts had crept up on me
I would always have described the lets call them thoughts as episodal but chronic ie weeks with nothing then the heat and desire returned
Sine wave is a useful description ie peaks and troughs, but this I would say the buzzy noise is there all the time now , but the intensity  of the waves vary.
On the nett we see often
On HRT the feelings/thoughts go away, off HRT they come back ,
Some of us here have grown breasts and then stopped PM and just gone too nothing
(How do they do that ?)
I would love to know from us all here how often these “thoughts” with you and how invasive ?
Are they
 
Every minute of the day at some level ?
Every hour ?
Once a week ?
Or describe
Are thoughts mentally exhausting you ?
Are the thoughts taking a huge section of your life away ?
Are the thoughts making you or ever have become suicidal even at a brief moment ?
Have the thoughts got worse or more invasive over the years,
Has HRT/Pm calmed or made them worse ?
I will answer mine as follows
 
Thoughts are every hour without fail ie relentless,
Once a week , huh I wish ?
Yes when the thoughts are bad and running hot , its very mentally exhausting, am going to bed with buzz, dreaming about buzz and waking up with it,
Yes the thoughts are taking huge chunks of my life away, I cannot watch or concentrate on a film or much, I am just not present in the situation, the only exception too this is work or when involved in a hard physical hobby,
Suicidal, no, but I can certainly understand how many can head that way, the odd moment has been fuck it do I need this, and thinking not being able too control the impulse, thoughts briefly headed that way.
The thoughts have lost the intensive peaks they used to get too many years back , but there all the time so am a bit stuck as too whether worse or not, they are different,
Has HRT/pm calmed or made them worse,
Humm the reminder of taking the HRT and growing breast makes it worse in the sense off I get excited , then the HRT starts working and I go too switch off and have the classic wtf moment, but as we all know come off it and T starts too climb again and it all starts over.
I suppose now it takes a shorter period to bring the hormones back into balance so in that sense is better, ie years ago when went hot and the thoughts came back , it took  months too stabilise, now I can come off HRT and when T climbs can have it all back under control in 2 weeks.
The big scary worry is what if low dose HRT stops working and in a few years I have too ramp up too half or even transitional dose too keep the buzz at bay,
Umm , pondering girl I am today
Anyway hopefully all you girls will chime in
Julie
 
X

[jannet.duff]

I wont answer in any order persay, but ..

On HRT my thoughts are much more calm, although it was never Just the breasts, is was being seen for on the outside, as i felt on the inside.
Suicidal .. Sure, i have had those feelings, when the "buzz" got too much, i ended up taking my self to emergency, it got that close.
When i did try cycling PM ( 3 weeks on 1 week off ) by the end of tbe week off i could of easly cut my wrists.
For me, full transition HRT makes everything better. Now all i worry about is how long can I hide my breasts at work before i need to go full time.
I may post a picture in a few days .. I suspect it my shock you ..

[Elissa-FinallyAChick]

I had to stop HRT for five days somewhere in January. In a matter of days I was suicidal as fuck and terrified of remasculinization and erections coming back. When I got back on mones after those five days my brains cleared up again. I'm addicted to Estradiol, literally. I could never ever stop hormones even if I wanted to try. Estradiol is a helluva drug that makes me feel so womanly and gives me the appearence that I have always wanted. I'm so disguested when I look at old pictures of pre-transition where I still have those hollow cheeks and sharp features. Much much happier with how I look on HRT. 
The only thing that sucks is the mood swings and anxiety from time to time. For the rest, only benefits. Sex drive is much more pleasant on mones, more self-confidence,...

[julieTG]

ooh Janet
do show we all love being shocked

 

Julie
x

[Billie]

When I go to the Psyciatrist he manages my mental health meds. When I visit the Psycologist We have talk therapy.  When I go to my DBSA depression bipolar support association group we monitor if we are depressed or manic.  Because it meets in a hospital where they do srs and transitioning plus they have a mental hospital we can be checked in if suicidal.  When I had a breakdown I went to the hospital where group therapy was invented.  This allowed a accurate diagnosis of my issues.  When recovering I was in a partial program.  I wanted to have it near work to learn how to survive.  

The issue for me is get help.  If suicidal go to the er. I did.

[julieTG]

Hi

dont worry I am not suicidal


I am more trying too establish everyones thought processes ie how invasive are they

ie all the time, like mine today ?

every hour ?
every day ?
once a week ?

That sort of thing

x

Julie

[Happyme]

Every minute of the day at some level ?
Not anymore, I'm at peace with what I am, and who I am. If the day and events call for sweaty dirty work then its dirty Tee's and shorts. If its a stay home lay day, then its time for make up and pretty things.
There was a time tho when I couldnt wait for the day to end so I could let ME out.

Every hour ?
Once a week ?
Or describe
Are thoughts mentally exhausting you ?
They used to! I would have days of not knowing which end was up.... not like that Julie...Just the am I supposed to be a female? What am I? am I a closet homo? What would happen if I went out in pulic in a dress?


Are the thoughts taking a huge section of your life away ?
Like I said, It used to. I guess age and retirement have let me be the two people I enjoy, and I have found that I am happy in a sundress and dont need all the sexy gowns and mini dresses in my closet.
Are the thoughts making you or ever have become suicidal even at a brief moment ?
Never, Life is much to special for me to put an end to it. Even bad days are better than NO days.
Have the thoughts got worse or more invasive over the years,
Has HRT/Pm calmed or made them worse ?
I love what PM has done for me. I'm much calmer, hair growth is very slow and I love the familiar ache in my breasts. And of course I love the addition of boobs.


Yes when the thoughts are bad and running hot , its very mentally exhausting, am going to bed with buzz, dreaming about buzz and waking up with it,
Yes the thoughts are taking huge chunks of my life away, I cannot watch or concentrate on a film or much, I am just not present in the situation, the only exception too this is work or when involved in a hard physical hobby,

For me Julie, You hit the nail on the head with the statement above. I have a new barn that can hold 6+ cars and a two post lift. I have always been a greasy fingered mech, and now I'm retired and can work all my treasures without crawling around on the ground or rolling on a creeper.
I still wear girl shorts everyday and sometimes a bra if I have a dark color Tee shirt. But I am fully engrossed in doing what I love to do, so what I am wearing is immaterial. The feelings of femininity become stronger when I dont have anything to occupy my hands and mind.
Thanks
Bobbi

[julieTG]

Excellent post Bobbi

Thank you for that

Gives us all some hope ?
Julie
x