26-07-2017, 06:03 PM
You blog and go for it OKi
You look Happy
x
Julie
You look Happy
x
Julie
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01-08-2017, 03:05 PM
(This post was last modified: 01-08-2017, 03:20 PM by oki.
Edit Reason: perfectionism O:-)
)
So you know I passed my little real life test in a semi-protected environment. I chose an easier soft approach: no big announcements, just be as natural open feminine me as possible and let them cope, digest and come to terms with it. In retrospect it was probably a mistake, an honest coming out the first evening would make matters easier for them and more liberating for me. I'm so immersed in it that I keep forgetting that even intelligent educated people just don't know about and/or don't care for trans people and their... condition.
Emotionally it was a mixed bag. When I felt good I felt great, when doing nails and makeup with the girls. When I felt down I felt terrible. One day I found myself for the first time awake in that age old nightmare: with male mindset, feeling like a disgusting bloke and dressed in women's clothes, surrounded by people, feeling exposed and fragile like a glass (mad)house. I bore it the whole day and did not run to the room to change but it was an ordeal.
There was a day I was dressed boldly, bracelets, crimson nails... People were reserved so I walked among them freely but very much alone and sorta emotionless and thought that in 15 years it might feel like this. When most or all the work on a dream is done and the thrill of progress gone, I'm a normal woman, accepted as a woman, getting older, looking for a mate, on a grey today endlessly hoping for a brighter future..... Eww, pretty grim.
Generally girls accepted me much better, guys not so well. Especially those clever strong-opinioned types. I found I can sustain feminine mindset when I'm alone, on a street or even in vis-à-vis interaction but in a collective it's still difficult if not impossible. A coming out and insistence on the right pronouns and name could help here (yea, I let them use my male name, probably a mistake too). At the very least I found some girlfriends I can write to anytime for the advice. A real treasure for me.
On the homefront things are going bad. I made myself pretty today (yes, the year old goal of looking like an effeminate guy was reached and surpassed) and headed out to my hometown to do some shopping - another of those by yesterday unthinkable firsts. (I can't conjure up the beauty with my hair the way the pro did, but the result was still very nice.) I run into my father when leaving the house and was de facto told to leave the town as soon as possible. Which is congruent with my plans but still, to realise some parents are, you know, friends instead of ever frowning embodiments of disapproval and reproach...... sigh. And the locals showed a tooth too: the looks, the condescending laughter of the youngsters in the queue... Tough. I'm afraid it's just the taste of a string of many more little agonies to come, sigh sigh. Well I guess the sooner I get used to the adversity the better. This feeling of entitlement to expressing myself freely and without negative repercussions is very much illusory and makes me weak...
And I'm going to see a sexologist in October!! Now I need to nag some British bureaucrat's ass very well or prepare a stack of benjamins. Er, I mean palackys
.
Emotionally it was a mixed bag. When I felt good I felt great, when doing nails and makeup with the girls. When I felt down I felt terrible. One day I found myself for the first time awake in that age old nightmare: with male mindset, feeling like a disgusting bloke and dressed in women's clothes, surrounded by people, feeling exposed and fragile like a glass (mad)house. I bore it the whole day and did not run to the room to change but it was an ordeal.
There was a day I was dressed boldly, bracelets, crimson nails... People were reserved so I walked among them freely but very much alone and sorta emotionless and thought that in 15 years it might feel like this. When most or all the work on a dream is done and the thrill of progress gone, I'm a normal woman, accepted as a woman, getting older, looking for a mate, on a grey today endlessly hoping for a brighter future..... Eww, pretty grim.
Generally girls accepted me much better, guys not so well. Especially those clever strong-opinioned types. I found I can sustain feminine mindset when I'm alone, on a street or even in vis-à-vis interaction but in a collective it's still difficult if not impossible. A coming out and insistence on the right pronouns and name could help here (yea, I let them use my male name, probably a mistake too). At the very least I found some girlfriends I can write to anytime for the advice. A real treasure for me.
On the homefront things are going bad. I made myself pretty today (yes, the year old goal of looking like an effeminate guy was reached and surpassed) and headed out to my hometown to do some shopping - another of those by yesterday unthinkable firsts. (I can't conjure up the beauty with my hair the way the pro did, but the result was still very nice.) I run into my father when leaving the house and was de facto told to leave the town as soon as possible. Which is congruent with my plans but still, to realise some parents are, you know, friends instead of ever frowning embodiments of disapproval and reproach...... sigh. And the locals showed a tooth too: the looks, the condescending laughter of the youngsters in the queue... Tough. I'm afraid it's just the taste of a string of many more little agonies to come, sigh sigh. Well I guess the sooner I get used to the adversity the better. This feeling of entitlement to expressing myself freely and without negative repercussions is very much illusory and makes me weak...
And I'm going to see a sexologist in October!! Now I need to nag some British bureaucrat's ass very well or prepare a stack of benjamins. Er, I mean palackys
.
10-08-2017, 04:15 PM
Oki- New picture is very promising. Love the hair and the eyebrows. Might it be possible for you to convert to contact lens? Loosing those heavy dark glasses would be a real advantage.
Don't be discouraged with your transition. You knew it would not be easy- but I can promise it will get easier. I really avoided most of that myself, because I was groomed to be a woman from my teenage years. So I'm hardly an authority. Buying pretty things was always suporific for me. Try it yourself. You have a terrific figure from what I can see.
Don't be discouraged with your transition. You knew it would not be easy- but I can promise it will get easier. I really avoided most of that myself, because I was groomed to be a woman from my teenage years. So I'm hardly an authority. Buying pretty things was always suporific for me. Try it yourself. You have a terrific figure from what I can see.
31-08-2017, 10:19 AM
Connie, you are right of course. New glasses are on top of my list.
Regimen: Spearmint infusion is back. Reishi capsules seem to have an effect and I restocked. For the time being I gave up on subliminals. I now use Ainterol capsules instead of powder. Went to 1500 mg daily and it seems to give less kick than 1000 - 1200 mg of powder that I was used to. I now believe mental state and self perception matters A LOT. Feel like a woman 24/7, live like one and your body will need half the doses and still respond better. And I've decided to try green tea extract. If you are a user and can recommend a brand, please shoot me a quick PM.
The insurance situation has been resolved successfully and I'm looking forward to jumping on the train. Sexologist, psychologist, endocrinologist, group meetings with other transgender people... If all goes well, I could be on pharma in half a year. I pray it's not much longer.
In the end it took me three separate talks with my parents to penetrate all those layers of icy silence and communicate precisely the state I'm in but now the home situation is better too. I guess it's harder to be so tough on one's only failure-of-son, if one realizes why he's always failed so hard...:-|
In July and August I advanced my transition quite crudely and with abandon, taxing my relationships. It is so tempting to let actions do the talking for me but in the end I have to advise against it. My naivete in thinking people will interpret the hints correctly is apparently boundless:/. The best way is if course to talk with people openly and confidently, to prepare the ground way before major changes start happening.
Now I'm in the UK again, working. I did not even try to bring my transition with me. The feeling I'm torn from everything relevant is strong and I can't help falling back to the male role and mindset. No way I'm gonna give up though. It's just I'm already dedicating all my resources to the cause and I'm still afraid it might not be enough:).
I started a blog as one of the tools to keep me in touch with what I left behind for a while. So now I can dump my rants elsewhere:P. It's in Czech so if your command of the language is good enough, drop by and say "Tě péro!":D (But I'm surely gonna miss this sleek, smoothly flowing, detached English. In it I feel I can get away with much greater measure of nonsense, hehe.)
And for old times' sake a breast pic. They seem to be fuller but the growth is slow now.
Regimen: Spearmint infusion is back. Reishi capsules seem to have an effect and I restocked. For the time being I gave up on subliminals. I now use Ainterol capsules instead of powder. Went to 1500 mg daily and it seems to give less kick than 1000 - 1200 mg of powder that I was used to. I now believe mental state and self perception matters A LOT. Feel like a woman 24/7, live like one and your body will need half the doses and still respond better. And I've decided to try green tea extract. If you are a user and can recommend a brand, please shoot me a quick PM.
The insurance situation has been resolved successfully and I'm looking forward to jumping on the train. Sexologist, psychologist, endocrinologist, group meetings with other transgender people... If all goes well, I could be on pharma in half a year. I pray it's not much longer.
In the end it took me three separate talks with my parents to penetrate all those layers of icy silence and communicate precisely the state I'm in but now the home situation is better too. I guess it's harder to be so tough on one's only failure-of-son, if one realizes why he's always failed so hard...:-|
In July and August I advanced my transition quite crudely and with abandon, taxing my relationships. It is so tempting to let actions do the talking for me but in the end I have to advise against it. My naivete in thinking people will interpret the hints correctly is apparently boundless:/. The best way is if course to talk with people openly and confidently, to prepare the ground way before major changes start happening.
Now I'm in the UK again, working. I did not even try to bring my transition with me. The feeling I'm torn from everything relevant is strong and I can't help falling back to the male role and mindset. No way I'm gonna give up though. It's just I'm already dedicating all my resources to the cause and I'm still afraid it might not be enough:).
I started a blog as one of the tools to keep me in touch with what I left behind for a while. So now I can dump my rants elsewhere:P. It's in Czech so if your command of the language is good enough, drop by and say "Tě péro!":D (But I'm surely gonna miss this sleek, smoothly flowing, detached English. In it I feel I can get away with much greater measure of nonsense, hehe.)
And for old times' sake a breast pic. They seem to be fuller but the growth is slow now.
31-08-2017, 01:15 PM
oh my Oki
they look beautiful
what cup size would you estimate them to be at now ?
Julie
x
they look beautiful
what cup size would you estimate them to be at now ?
Julie
x
31-08-2017, 04:32 PM
Holy Smoke Oki!
When you first popped up here I never thought you could grow such beautiful breasts.
Mainly because there want an ounce of fat on ya.
Your doing great and I hope the girl in you finally gets to come out and stay out.
Your just amazing.
Hugs
Bobbi
Please dont abandon us here, I' dont have a clue how to speak or read Czech.
When you first popped up here I never thought you could grow such beautiful breasts.
Mainly because there want an ounce of fat on ya.
Your doing great and I hope the girl in you finally gets to come out and stay out.
Your just amazing.
Hugs
Bobbi
Please dont abandon us here, I' dont have a clue how to speak or read Czech.
31-08-2017, 05:37 PM
Bobbi
you know thats what I thought with oki being so flat chested
what a stunning job
Julie
x
you know thats what I thought with oki being so flat chested
what a stunning job
Julie
x
Thanks:).
Well, in the morning on a good day I fill 75C quite alright. In the evening the breasts are ready for the night night and the cups have some open space:). This bra is slightly padded and I wear it under shirts only. In T-shirts I still wear the stealthier foundling bra, the cup size of which I can't determine because its original momma cut off the labels:).
Yes, I've got the best weight of my life. But let's not forget it's been 18 months since the first PM capsule. And I've been taking tons of stuff ever since. Other people have relatively faster growth I think.
I'm not going away, I'll just hopefully stay more on topic in my posts:).
Well, in the morning on a good day I fill 75C quite alright. In the evening the breasts are ready for the night night and the cups have some open space:). This bra is slightly padded and I wear it under shirts only. In T-shirts I still wear the stealthier foundling bra, the cup size of which I can't determine because its original momma cut off the labels:).
Yes, I've got the best weight of my life. But let's not forget it's been 18 months since the first PM capsule. And I've been taking tons of stuff ever since. Other people have relatively faster growth I think.
I'm not going away, I'll just hopefully stay more on topic in my posts:).
01-09-2017, 03:52 PM
Oki, you do have a great base and super areola's. So, whatever your doing, I think you have hit it right on the head. Congrats!
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