(18-09-2017, 02:11 AM)AliP Wrote: How many have gone through the struggles or internal weakness of coming out as transgender to family? I'm afraid to tell my kids im afraid to lose them. My wife i know i will lose as she is completely religious and is outwardly expressive against my feminine side. I'm afraid my kids will follow their mom. It causes an internal struggle because at this juncture in my life am i being selfish? I just wanted to finally be me and not secretly living it.
Support group.. advice..strength needed
Luv,
Ali
Hi, Ali,
I'll probably be hated at first, but bear with me.
Of course you're being "selfish."
That doesn't mean it's wrong! In the same way, breathing, eating, earning more than your neighbor, is selfish.
Limiting your children's behaviors is selfish, too. Teaching them, sending them to school, etc.
Don't worry about being selfish. If it's so bad you're here - you're not selfish in a bad sense, you're just taking care of yourself - and that's necessary.
You can probably hide a fair amount of changes, just give it time.
Herbal supplements will help, and allow you to change the time frame, and maybe allow some things to "just develop." You can also look for ways to break through. She might surprise you, too, especially if you can find allies like Tri-Ess or kinky friends to have honest, frank discussions with her.
All that said, if you do hide it, it will likely eventually result in a blow up and blow out. Maybe significant losses. Maybe going to couples counseling along the way would help? Question being, if you will, did she marry you for status and wealth, or did she marry you for you? Because you are no different from a man needing cancer treatments, becoming impotent, or disfigured. Still the same person.
She may not be able to deal with that; that happens in normal life, too. We're just facing a greater stressor.
As for your children, they're easier to manipulate. I chose that word, as it's the best meaning. You need to expose them to different ideas, no different from exposing them to other languages and foods. Let them see there is more than one culture, more than one cuisine; let them develop their reasoning power, and make their own decisions. It is no different from introducing kids to Sci-Fi, NASCAR, French cuisine.
That doesn't mean show them trannie porn, obviously. ;-) Just let them know that people develop in different ways, and that - especially in our current cultural morass - we've got a lot of issues, and the only way to accomplish "X" is to do "Y". E.G., you want to go skiing, you go where there is snow. (Nordictrack is irrelevant. ;-) )
You cannot swim if there is no water.
You cannot be nurturing and be seen as masculine, for whatever reason, in our Western world. And women are MOST DEFINITELY (a) DIFFERENT, and (b) Treated differently from men. There is no reason to accept being treated "like a man" if you're going to be brutalized. And we could get into a whole political discussion, but it's OT, so PM me if you're interested, we'll keep it off-board.
Basically, you need to do a cost:benefit analysis. Kids, wife, wealth, future: All on you. How you proceed is up to you.
Just decide ahead of time the costs you'll bear. And do what you can regardless. Wear feminine hairstyles that are androgynous, choose feminine yet male clothe and colors, train your voice (including tempo, diction, enunciation, and word choices), and allow the girl to show a little, without being at risk. My ex girlfriend, when I talked with her about this topic, told me she really liked the feminine aspects of me. Yours might surprise you.
Or, you might be able to "corrupt" her (using religious terms) to meet you halfway, or find certain compromises in herself. After all, one of her fears will be being outed, seen as a lesbian... Losing social status, losing wealth, being seen as a "loser."
But if it's play, and happens outside the home? Meaning, where only those who share the risk would be, so all are in a mutual silence? She might be more open. Use Amazon video, for example, and watch Transparent. It's interesting, though a bit over the top and vulgar at times... But it can be an adult pleasure after the children are asleep. Maybe you can get silk boxers, or go looking for silk briefs, or satin, or similar. Feminine but made for men. Sleep shirt instead of pyjamas. figure it will take ten years or so... But you might well get enough, even without herbs, that everything lasts.
Also, you can attenuate herbs and hormones to manage their effect. Using Lavendar essential oil, for instance, or PM in low doses, and anti-testosterone medications. Stomach medications with "side effects." Find a kink-friendly doctor and have a chat... Find out how important (normal) sex is to her... Build the butt, while reducing the rest of the muscle mass... Electrolysis... Whatever you and she both need, must be known.
And then you know yourself, and her, and you'll be able to come to a winning compromise if not total solution.
BTW, would be helpful to tell us the ages of children, to tailor the answer a bit more. The younger the children, the more you need to consider that a secure male role model is essential, necessary. Whether you can fulfill that is a different question, but planning for the children is THE adult thing to do. (Note, please, this is part of why men are seen as "more adult" than women. Back to politics, but - thing is, most Transgendered actually engage MASCULINE energies to become feminine. Funny, but... Necessary. You can't rebuild the body without masculine virtues. Being feminine isn't something that is easy for those born male. It requires dedication, effort, time, reprogramming, even. Ironic, no? ;-) We're actually the same as a bodybuilder: Work, Drugs, Effort, Discipline, trial and error, and support of like-minded adults - often male. Funny that... And I'll probably get flamed for saying all of it, but it's still true.)
Best of luck! Think things through, ask us questions. Breasts are a minor thing, believe it or not. Easiest to get, too. Support networks are hard, financial concerns, the marriage, all sorts of other problems come first.
-Dianna
