[AliP]

  so i am still struggling with coming out to my wife. Fear, afraid of being alone all those feelings you ready about. I have finally agreed with myself it will be tomorrow night after we both have chilled out from work. I also use it as an excuse but when i ask her how her day was and she says a day from hell which is most days (she works in a high school) so i just power it down and i dont say anything. Its been 5 days since I started HRT. I need to tell her something.. i dont want dishonesty in our relationship. I am truly at a loss for words. I was going to use an article i read about coming out and the transition video that ultimately changed me forever. But i didnt know if that was overkill or seemed like it was rehersed. 
Any ideas or advise girls? 

Hugs,
Ali

[Jessica4581000]

  so i am still struggling with coming out to my wife. Fear, afraid of being alone all those feelings you ready about. I have finally agreed with myself it will be tomorrow night after we both have chilled out from work. I also use it as an excuse but when i ask her how her day was and she says a day from hell which is most days (she works in a high school) so i just power it down and i dont say anything. Its been 5 days since I started HRT. I need to tell her something.. i dont want dishonesty in our relationship. I am truly at a loss for words. I was going to use an article i read about coming out and the transition video that ultimately changed me forever. But i didnt know if that was overkill or seemed like it was rehersed. 
Any ideas or advise girls? 

Hugs,
Ali

My wife has known for a long time that I cross dressed, then I started taking herbs to " feminize my body". Which is where I'm at now. I was seeing a thera pist for about a half a Year,  then just stopped going for a different reason entirely. My goal with seeing the therapist was to get the clearance to use pharma and go the hrt route and be under a Dr's care.  While I'm seeing good results from PM and WP and etc, I'm still experimenting with my body (IMO). As im getting closer to retiring ( just turned 59) I told her I want Jessica to be a bigger part of our/my life. That started the waterworks and we were on a car trip at that point, so it was difficult to say the least.  But we got thru it and moved forward.  I should point out that I had prostate cancer surgery 5 years ago which basically left me almost impotent, so our sex life, such as it is, is different than it was pre surgery. But I'm cancer free and that's what matters.
My suggestion is to be honest, agree to seek therapy ( which I'm sure will come up...) and keep telling her it's not her , it's you and that it's her you love and want to grow old with.
Good luck.
Jessica

[AliP]

  so i am still struggling with coming out to my wife. Fear, afraid of being alone all those feelings you ready about. I have finally agreed with myself it will be tomorrow night after we both have chilled out from work. I also use it as an excuse but when i ask her how her day was and she says a day from hell which is most days (she works in a high school) so i just power it down and i dont say anything. Its been 5 days since I started HRT. I need to tell her something.. i dont want dishonesty in our relationship. I am truly at a loss for words. I was going to use an article i read about coming out and the transition video that ultimately changed me forever. But i didnt know if that was overkill or seemed like it was rehersed. 
Any ideas or advise girls? 

Hugs,
Ali

My wife has known for a long time that I cross dressed, then I started taking herbs to " feminize my body". Which is where I'm at now. I was seeing a thera pist for about a half a Year,  then just stopped going for a different reason entirely. My goal with seeing the therapist was to get the clearance to use pharma and go the hrt route and be under a Dr's care.  While I'm seeing good results from PM and WP and etc, I'm still experimenting with my body (IMO). As im getting closer to retiring ( just turned 59) I told her I want Jessica to be a bigger part of our/my life. That started the waterworks and we were on a car trip at that point, so it was difficult to say the least.  But we got thru it and moved forward.  I should point out that I had prostate cancer surgery 5 years ago which basically left me almost impotent, so our sex life, such as it is, is different than it was pre surgery. But I'm cancer free and that's what matters.
My suggestion is to be honest, agree to seek therapy ( which I'm sure will come up...) and keep telling her it's not her , it's you and that it's her you love and want to grow old with.
Good luck.
Jessica

Well first off, I am really glad you are cancer free. That is what matters most! I also went the Herbs route but it only goes so far and you have to constantly wonder is it working or is my body temp a certain temp. Plus the herbs that help suppress Testosterone will only bring it down so far, not low enough to be completely effective. I gave that up, went to my therapist and got the letter to proceed and this Thursday will be one week on HRT. Now I just put a patch on and take my spiro everyday. I already had a high estrogen level, in fact too high my Endocrine doc told me the herbs aren't controlled as you need to maintain a certain level. I need to see a regular therapist, not one who specializes in writing the HRT letter. I found one in my area that takes my insurance so I plan on seeing them next week. Once I speak with them, then I will talk to my wife. I tried to tell her tonight but other things (distractions of life) got in the way. to say the least I am nervous.

Hugs,
Ali

[jannet.duff]

If it helps, here is what i did.

I sat down and wrote a letter, i started with saying how much i loved her, and how much i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but i have been holding a secret ever since before i even started school. The letter out lined how long i had been feeling like this, how I had used work and excessive overtime to try and keep this under control. The letter was only really 1/2 a sheet. But it let me put my thoughts down in a way that made sence.
Although i had already started NBE, i had decided ot was wiser not to come clean on that fact. I waited a few months untill after we had seen a few different therapists, ( all agreed this was not something that was not likely to go away ). Of course later on it was my Dr who suggested i go on HRT, beceause he thought herbs were dangerous. 
I can see that your in a different position, i could never start HRT unless my wife knew something before hand. Now, i am not suggesting you lie to your wife, but I suspect that admitting your on HRT is not going to help.
(How on earth to you hide that patch ?? It sticks out like a sore thumb.)

[AliP]

If it helps, here is what i did.

I sat down and wrote a letter, i started with saying how much i loved her, and how much i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but i have been holding a secret ever since before i even started school. The letter out lined how long i had been feeling like this, how I had used work and excessive overtime to try and keep this under control. The letter was only really 1/2 a sheet. But it let me put my thoughts down in a way that made sence.
Although i had already started NBE, i had decided ot was wiser not to come clean on that fact. I waited a few months untill after we had seen a few different therapists, ( all agreed this was not something that was not likely to go away ). Of course later on it was my Dr who suggested i go on HRT, beceause he thought herbs were dangerous. 
I can see that your in a different position, i could never start HRT unless my wife knew something before hand. Now, i am not suggesting you lie to your wife, but I suspect that admitting your on HRT is not going to help.
(How on earth to you hide that patch ?? It sticks out like a sore thumb.)

My patch is clear and only an inch by an inch and a half. I cant remember the last time we saw each other without clothes. Good points! First stop new therapist! Thanks Jannett!!

Hugs
Ali

[jannet.duff]

If it helps, here is what i did.

I sat down and wrote a letter, i started with saying how much i loved her, and how much i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but i have been holding a secret ever since before i even started school. The letter out lined how long i had been feeling like this, how I had used work and excessive overtime to try and keep this under control. The letter was only really 1/2 a sheet. But it let me put my thoughts down in a way that made sence.
Although i had already started NBE, i had decided ot was wiser not to come clean on that fact. I waited a few months untill after we had seen a few different therapists, ( all agreed this was not something that was not likely to go away ). Of course later on it was my Dr who suggested i go on HRT, beceause he thought herbs were dangerous. 
I can see that your in a different position, i could never start HRT unless my wife knew something before hand. Now, i am not suggesting you lie to your wife, but I suspect that admitting your on HRT is not going to help.
(How on earth to you hide that patch ?? It sticks out like a sore thumb.)

My patch is clear and only an inch by an inch and a half. I cant remember the last time we saw each other without clothes. Good points! First stop new therapist! Thanks Jannett!!

Hugs
Ali

Oh wow ... We might not "do it" as offten as we used too, ( my lack of ability, not hers ) but we still cuddle and make out. She always finds my patchs, and voices her displeasure.

[Katie]

Oki I`v Never known of Any instance where a relationship has worked out when you come out to your wife After you`ve already started HRT! it`s a serious betrayal on Many levels.
I would stop what you`re doing and tell her first. at least give her the Opportunity that she deserves because this affects her just as much as it affects you! you Owe her that much.
Yes coming out is Never easy, it`s arguably the hardest thing any Trans* person has to do in their entire transition, and we all have to do it sooner or later. but imagine how much worse it will be if you didn`t tell her first and just did it anyway, and Then she finds out! (and she Will find out!).
Seriously hun, what you`re doing is Hugely insulting to her, and she will see it that way as well when she finds out :

[AliP]

Oki I`v Never known of Any instance where a relationship has worked out when you come out to your wife After you`ve already started HRT! it`s a serious betrayal on Many levels.
I would stop what you`re doing and tell her first. at least give her the Opportunity that she deserves because this affects her just as much as it affects you! you Owe her that much.
Yes coming out is Never easy, it`s arguably the hardest thing any Trans* person has to do in their entire transition, and we all have to do it sooner or later. but imagine how much worse it will be if you didn`t tell her first and just did it anyway, and Then she finds out! (and she Will find out!).
Seriously hun, what you`re doing is Hugely insulting to her, and she will see it that way as well when she finds out :

You are completely right and i actually did that lat week. Its best to be honest up front. Thank you!!!
Ali