[Nightshade]

Please don't ban me. I'm not trying to fan flames - just blowing off some steam. I'd also like to hear others' experiences in transgender communities.
Edit: This community has been great so far. I haven't really spent much time here and mostly trying to learn about HRT which has been stressing me out a lot.

My first (recent) experience of a transgender community was a large Reddit sub. I found myself at odds with many people there for a lot of different reasons that I won't get into. I'll just give one example though of how the "passable" trans women were at the top of the hierarchy. Compare the upvotes of the OP (151/89% positive) to the downvotes of someone (not me) who responded to them: https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/...o/dey34kk/
I'm not condoning "stealth shaming", but this person was just pointing out that non-passing transwomen have things much harder.

Another example is of a trans blogger who was harassed for being a "transtrender" https://letsqueerthingsup.com/2015/03/28...-for-good/

The main impetus for me starting this thread was due to an article by famous trans activist Jen Richards: https://www.advocate.com/print-issue/cur...s-movement

My first experience with her was on Bailey Jay's podcast where she responded to an older transwoman who was having problems by saying that late transitioners were too busy enjoying "male privilege". First of all, just 20 years ago "transgender" and "transition" weren't even words known by people in the public. It's not like we had a choice back then.

So this pissed me off quite a bit. If I was an emotionally healthy individual (I think it's obvious by now I'm not) I would have just forgotten about, but I looked for further evidence to confirm my anger and found the Advocate article I linked to above. There's a lot of crap in there which there isn't time to address, but I did find some rather scathing critiques directed at "queer trans women" (straight males ----> trans lesbians).

She talks about how privileged they are and how easy they have it:

straight white man, often in a masculine career, married with children, who reveals herself as trans at a later age...often have years of private cross-dressing, and they meet one another through local support groups or weekend-long conventions where they can be en femme together without risking public exposure. Shared concerns include comportment, learning how to dress like women, makeup and hair, vocal training, the difficulty of finding or maintaining relationships with women, and surgeries.

And then later somehow says the opposite of them:

Going through transition, in middle age, while living in a city and taking public transportation daily, was a crash course in otherness. I had to suddenly become aware of my surroundings, tuned in to every look and mocking laugh, always on the lookout for the one who might turn violent. As my appearance changed, I learned that my talents and skills mattered less than my attractiveness to men. The world was no longer for me. 
 
If I had stopped there, if I had made community with only other trans people who had experienced things similarly, I could perhaps have stewed in bitterness, resentment, and victimhood.

Of course she had the same privilege as those she's criticizing, but somehow she's absolved because she befriended people of color and involved in activism. (Full disclosure: I am white and don't mean to offend anyone by talking about POC, but it seems kind of condescending of her to use them to prop herself up and absolve her of the same guilt she casts on others)

I could have easily seen the world in terms of what it took away from me, and my indignation would have been righteous. Instead, I became friends with trans people of color and sex workers. My engagement in activism brought me into touch with survivors of violence, people living with HIV, addicts and young people turned away from their families and churches, kids bullied right out of school and onto the streets, and the elders working to help them.

And yet she again blasts "queer [trans] women" for doing the exact things she says she did

While there is still a very real external struggle with people who fundamentally deny the legitimacy of trans rights...Who are the loudest and most aggressive voices? Unsurprisingly, it’s those who have been taught to believe their voices matter. In the case of trans people, that means queer white women.

Moreover, any implication that the behavior is related to maleness is considered transphobic. I’ve repeatedly seen queer white trans women trot out statistics about anti-trans discrimination and violence to prove that they are victims of hate and systemic oppression without ever mentioning that it is almost exclusively black and Latina trans women represented in those numbers.

Going on her website paints a different picture with virtually no mention of activism. Just a seamless transition from privileged white male to successful trans woman with a promising career in the entertainment business.

Jen Richards is a writer & actress, as well as a consultant & advocate. From 2008 through 2013 she was the Managing Director of the multiple Grammy Award-winning contemporary classical music ensemble eighth blackbird, and served as President of New Music Chicago.

She is the Co-Writer/Star/Producer of the series Her Story, which was nominated for an Emmy and won Gotham and Peabody awards; Co-Producer of the documentary More Than T (Showtime) and Writer of its accompanying Trans 102 series (Refinery 29); a 2016 Outfest Screenwriting Fellow for her feature script Any Given Week; and can be seen in CBS’s Doubt, CMT’s Nashville, FX’s Better Things, Seeso’s Take My Wife, the film Easy Living, and Two Sentence Horror Stories (Stage 13). Jen was a series regular on E!’s I Am Cait, featured in Logo’s Beautiful As I Want To Be and AOL’s True Trans with Laura Jane Grace, covered live events for Logo, has appeared in several videos for BuzzFeed, OWN, and After Ellen, and countless podcasts and YouTube shows.

Not to mention her attending Oxford, one of the most prestigious universities in the world and Shimer College which

In 2014 full-time tuition was $27,491, and the total cost of attendance (including room, board and fees) was $41,615. All students received financial aid, with the average aid package $13,956. As of 2017, tuition and fees for the Shimer School will be identical to those of North Central College.

[Katie]

I think the problem is largely from our own expectations, and the idea that somehow being Trans* makes us different to people that are not, and within that Trans* arena that somehow those that "pass" are different from those that don`t, and ALL of them are held to account differently.

As a result, the Main and most important thing of all gets completely lost in the mess, we are ALL just People!!! and people fuck up sometimes!
and yet because we are trans were held to account differently, because we pass we`re held to account differently.
Why that`s the case? I have no idea, but I suspect it`s probably something to do with group mentality from mankinds primative days when anything Not in my tribe spelled Danger. Completely! overlooking the fact that we`re all the damn same!
it is very disapponting and not very enlightened at all, but perhaps if you start to look at it this way it might start to bring a little peace to your heart. xx

[oki]

I realised the more I read about the transhuman condition in today's world, the more afraid of my future I am. My choices then tend to be driven by fear, my transition gets less genuine, it's taken away from me. This seems especially true about the info feed coming from over the Atlantic (and really, how does American reality pertain to my reality?). 
I still hold on to this innocent and ignorant feeling of entitlement to self-determination and acceptance. I still feel that it's a weak and faulty person who turns his/her back on me just because I've decided to change and that he/she should just try harder and be better. I want to keep this delusion as long as possible. Therefore when I read something very negative, usually I just stop. 
I see you stay mostly in the house and this might be your only connection with the trans community, but is it worth it?

[Nightshade]

Someone said that part of the reason the trans community is dysfunctional is because most/all of us are suffereing from trauma. Society is fucked up, but they make us feel like we're the ones fucked up.

I do have some positive news. I've been listening to a podcast called The Gaythiest Manifest which is really good. They talk about LGBT stuff and somewhat about religion, but they're not anti-religion or antagonistic like some athiests. You can download all the episodes here: http://www.thegaytheistmanifesto.com/author/callie/

[Dianna1395]

Someone said that part of the reason the trans community is dysfunctional is because most/all of us are suffereing from trauma. Society is fucked up, but they make us feel like we're the ones fucked up.
[...]

Well...  We ARE fucked up.
But it is no great thing to be well-adjusted to a fucked up world, anyway.
And this world is...  
Well, Giant Meteor 2018, I hope...  ;-)

-Dianna

[bathtub-alchemist]

Waaaaaaaahhhh......stop whining about the broken rainbow and  do something.  Its no wonder transwomen give us all a bad name.  Suck it up and stop being bigger pussies than the REAL women

[Katie]

than the REAL women

 I`m not going to jump to conclusions, so, what do you mean by "REAL" in this context?

[bathtub-alchemist]

than the REAL women

 I`m not going to jump to conclusions, so, what do you mean by "REAL" in this context?

real as in not a realistic replication like.....say....someone like me

[Katie]

Women come in All sorts of shapes and sizes and configurations!   don`t let Looks alone change anything!


ok, lemme ask you something, and try to ignore the fact that`s it probably impossible LOL
If you were just a Brain in a Jar, and you were asked what you are, man or Woman. what would your answer be?

there`s no right of wrong answer here either.

[bathtub-alchemist]

Women come in All sorts of shapes and sizes and configurations!   don`t let Looks alone change anything!


ok, lemme ask you something, and try to ignore the fact that`s it probably impossible LOL
If you were just a Brain in a Jar, and you were asked what you are, man or Woman. what would your answer be?

there`s no right of wrong answer here either.

Transwomen come in different sizes and shapes too.  Looks dont really change things, but brain structure probably does.  And trans brains are different from male and female brains.  It is an intersex condition of the brain as far as im concerned.

So my brain in a jar would say its intersex.  If my brain in a jar could talk.  And it woold ask you to pour a couple shots in the jar