[Nipply Russel]

There's always discussion about size, growth, bras, etc. here but I continue to be interested in the feelings and motivation surrounding our desire to grow breasts. There are plenty of trans discussion sites but I continue to enjoy the fact that this site includes "manbreast" concerns, rather than just trans-centric discussion. Don't get me wrong, I fully support transpeople and the issues they're dealing with; I'm just glad that Jess from the Ainterol forum isn't here every minute, asking every new poster "Are you transitioning?" and trying to convince them to "explore their true selves". Maybe, just maybe, some dudes want to have boobs. But maybe they don't even know why, knowwhatimean?

But this issue is still a complex one. There's no such thing as "growing boobs for the heck of it." The way I look at it, by willfully growing female breast tissue, I AM transitioning on some level. I'm changing my gender, if only slightly. Why? Herein are a few thoughts on my particular situation. I'm putting them here for my benefit, but I'd love to give others an opportunity to share their thoughts.

Boob obsessed:

I wasn't breast fed. My mom had a breast removed due to cancer when I was a child. Boobs were just not a thing for me when I was growing up, not in the three dimensional sense. The first time I saw a pair, I lost my mind. I couldn't get enough of them. I still can't. My dream partner would be a big-nippled, lactating beauty who orgasmed every time I nursed on her, and who always wore revealing tops and boob-accentuating lingerie. A girl who loved her boobs as much as I do. My life would be complete. The fact is, most women are way less interested in breasts than I am, so that dream will likely go unfulfilled.

Skinny and inadequate:

OK, I think my junk is above-average and it's nicely-formed. It works well and I'm reasonably good at using it. But I've never measured up to other men, body-wise. I'm thin and long. I have small muscles. Sure, I have masculine hands and good muscle definition, but I'm slim, with long, slim legs and arms and pathetic wrists. I'm a black belt and a manly man, who fixes things, owns guns and like to be active, but I've always dreaded having a wrist band put on at an event, as my slim wrists aren't male at all. I get depressed when I compare myself to other men. They look down on me. I don't measure up and I hate it.

Transformation-obsessed:

The first time I saw a photo of a trans, I got an instant boner. The first trans porn I saw blew my mind. I wanted so badly to have sex with a trans woman, but I also wanted to be one. I've come to find out that any kind of transformation is extremely appealing to me. I love pregnant women, sci-fi transition stories about human/animals...you name it. Enlarged clitorises? Sure. Trans fiction? I can't get enough.

What about me? Do I want to be a woman?

I've never acted like a girl. Never wanted to be a girl. Never wanted to be weak or vulnerable. Never wanted to have sex with men. Never wanted to give up any of the things I like about being male. If I woke up as a woman tomorrow, I'd be a lousy one. I'd still get greasy and cut my hands while restoring old cars. I'd spit and drive aggressively. I'm super assertive, but not super aggressive, though. I don't like fighting (I do love boxing, though). I HATE aggressive male behavior. I'm a feminist. But I'm not feminine at all. And I've never wanted to be.

Perhaps most importantly, I wouldn't/couldn't try to transition if I didn't think I would make a good-looking, passable woman. My heart breaks for trans women who have to endure the stares and ridicule that comes from a judgmental, superficial populace. It's a journey I never want to experience.

On the other hand, if I had some sort of magic device that transformed me into a beautiful young woman and back to myself at will, would I use it? Hell, yes. I'd dress up in sexy clothes, put lipstick on, you name it. And yeah, I'd be a lesbian - I'd want to get with other women, but I have to admit that I'd want to experience heterosexual sex as a woman. I don't find men attractive as a male, but put me in a woman's body and yup, I'd do it. Does that make me gay? I don't think so, because the male heterosexual me has no interest in it. And it's purely fantasy, with limited context. Probably something that many men think about.

Why am I doing this?

I've thought about this a lot and the best answer is this: I love boobs and I can't get close enough to them/can't get enough of them. Also, I think my low self-esteem/body image has caused me to be fascinated by transformation and even crave it. My body issue and breast-deprived upbringing has fueled this fetish and allowed me to push it into some sort of reality.

Where am I going with this transformation?

I continually remind myself that being a skinny, middle-aged guy with a hairy chest and boobs is a losing proposition. I'd love bouncy breasts and sensitive nipples, along with feminine curves and a big, soft butt. But I'll always have the face of a man and I don't have a partner who wants to explore this. For example, I don't think I could shave my chest without big trouble. I'm pretty sure I'd have to continue to take PM in order to generate and maintain the changes I'm talking about and the collateral cost is too high. So - I'm stalled. Yeah, I take a little PM. I check out my wiggly butt and grab my boobs and I keep looking for a change in my waistline and thighs. But I'm headed nowhere. All of getting out of this is some good masturbation fodder. A hollow victory but it is what it is.

I welcome your comments and please, feel free to share your stories. It's good to externalize it.

[Shirazmn]

Hey! Nicely written post. It resonates a lot with me.
Having been a crossdresser since I was 4 years old (actively since I was 13) I asked myself "Am I trans*?" a number of times. The answer always being "no".
I really enjoy life as a guy with some hard manual labour, being able to lift heavy stuff, taking the kind of responsibility towards my family that society somehow forces me to. I love all of this and it gives me satisfaction, and I wouldn't want to change it.

So, no, I am not transgender. I don't want to be a woman. I would make an extremely ugly one, but that's not the only reason why I don't want to be one. I just love my 90% of the time as a guy, a husband, a father and as an opinionated man in general.
To me crossdressing has always been a stress-relief. Because of the society I grew up in, women's role in society is a more submissive one. That's why I use that role, which I fake when crossdressing, to let go of my dominant "manly" side for a few hours. I am not autogynephiliac because I don't sexually like myself in the mirror when dressed, and I don't feel sexually attracted by my own boobs now that I have a tiny bit of them.
Because it's all about stress relief and "controlled loss of control" I must be constantly reminded of the fact that I am in "woman mode" when crossdressing. I love everything tight or that continuously hugs and changes my perception: corsets, thights, high heels, and bras are among my favourites. I love "feeling" different, through my skin, my balance, the brushing of light fabric on my skin, a different kind of stimulation no my nipples. I've always had sensitive skin and I feel the tiniest draught of air or the slight movement of fabrics on me.

So, why I want a bit of boobs? Because the feeling of having something soft and senstitive hanging from my chest is something nature didn't give me. I like the shape of breasts, I like they way they feel when I play with someone else's, but I was born without the kind of sensitivity a woman has in her nipples. I normally wouldn't know what it's like to have them moving and hanging when making love. I wouldn't know what it's like to feel them bounce and what it feels like to wear a bra that actually holds something up.

I love, and write, transformation fiction. I love the stories about slow transformation and subtle changes. I love the psychological side of it, so that's how I am managing my own progression. Slowly, very slowly, to the point where people around me will be so used to seeing me with a bit of "moobs" that won't notice too much if, while ageing, I will get some more.

So, definitions:
- I am not transgender. I am quite happily cisgender and I thought about this so many times.
- I am not autogynephiliac. So I don't do this to see myself as a womanly woman even when crossdressing.
- I am not transitioning, so I guess this makes me NOT a transssexual.

I guess that there is some way to build a word that describes a cis male who only wants to develop some secondary sexual characteristics of the other sex without going through social transition. I once read about "tweeners", short for "in between-ers", that would be the physical version of "non binary". I am not androgynous.

So, for now, I'll stick to the initial NO until someone comes up with a definition. I am not trans. I am a cis-male who wants, and has a bit of, boobs. Auto-masto-philiac? Sounds terrible.

[MeganJ]

Hey! Nicely written post. It resonates a lot with me.
Having been a crossdresser since I was 4 years old (actively since I was 13) I asked myself "Am I trans*?" a number of times. The answer always being "no".
I really enjoy life as a guy with some hard manual labour, being able to lift heavy stuff, taking the kind of responsibility towards my family that society somehow forces me to. I love all of this and it gives me satisfaction, and I wouldn't want to change it.

So, no, I am not transgender. I don't want to be a woman. I would make an extremely ugly one, but that's not the only reason why I don't want to be one. I just love my 90% of the time as a guy, a husband, a father and as an opinionated man in general.
To me crossdressing has always been a stress-relief. Because of the society I grew up in, women's role in society is a more submissive one. That's why I use that role, which I fake when crossdressing, to let go of my dominant "manly" side for a few hours. I am not autogynephiliac because I don't sexually like myself in the mirror when dressed, and I don't feel sexually attracted by my own boobs now that I have a tiny bit of them.
Because it's all about stress relief and "controlled loss of control" I must be constantly reminded of the fact that I am in "woman mode" when crossdressing. I love everything tight or that continuously hugs and changes my perception: corsets, thights, high heels, and bras are among my favourites. I love "feeling" different, through my skin, my balance, the brushing of light fabric on my skin, a different kind of stimulation no my nipples. I've always had sensitive skin and I feel the tiniest draught of air or the slight movement of fabrics on me.

So, why I want a bit of boobs? Because the feeling of having something soft and senstitive hanging from my chest is something nature didn't give me. I like the shape of breasts, I like they way they feel when I play with someone else's, but I was born without the kind of sensitivity a woman has in her nipples. I normally wouldn't know what it's like to have them moving and hanging when making love. I wouldn't know what it's like to feel them bounce and what it feels like to wear a bra that actually holds something up.

I love, and write, transformation fiction. I love the stories about slow transformation and subtle changes. I love the psychological side of it, so that's how I am managing my own progression. Slowly, very slowly, to the point where people around me will be so used to seeing me with a bit of "moobs" that won't notice too much if, while ageing, I will get some more.

So, definitions:
- I am not transgender. I am quite happily cisgender and I thought about this so many times.
- I am not autogynephiliac. So I don't do this to see myself as a womanly woman even when crossdressing.
- I am not transitioning, so I guess this makes me NOT a transssexual.

I guess that there is some way to build a word that describes a cis male who only wants to develop some secondary sexual characteristics of the other sex without going through social transition. I once read about "tweeners", short for "in between-ers", that would be the physical version of "non binary". I am not androgynous.

So, for now, I'll stick to the initial NO until someone comes up with a definition. I am not trans. I am a cis-male who wants, and has a bit of, boobs. Auto-masto-philiac? Sounds terrible.

Genderfluid?

Although I guess that's not completely right either!

Megan

[MeganJ]

For me at least always knew I was transgender, once I knew transitioning was a thing that was it for me it explained a lot and I knew then why i felt different.

Tried to be a man but despite looking like Chewbacca in my birthday suit and being able to grow a beard in days I was never comfortable in my own skin so to speak. Although things quietened down a fair bit when I was with I guess my only serious girlfriend I kept imagining myself as a woman when with her. As she was vehemently anti trans I guess I just stopped making an effort as I didn't want to be with someone who wouldn't support it, there were other reasons too but subconsciously I knew it was never going to work.

Roll on a number of years decided to experiment with pm and then bovine ovary liked it a lot started to think maybe I can do this after all rather than just thinking about it. After 10 months bo decided for a number of reasons to give estrogen a go. It just felt instantly right so increased the dosage then about 6 months ago decided to switch to estrogen injections. Decided to get laser on my face last year and am undergoing electrolysis at present with the changes I am way too far down the path to really ever go back.

It's definitely not going to be for everyone but it has totally transformed my attitude to life, lost a lot of weight with a lot more to go, stopped smoking and drinking and am eating a much healthier diet. Am in the closet I guess is the way to describe things at present, I still present male but get misgendered a lot. At some point I guess transitioning is going to have to happen but for now am just floating along nicely trying to deal with a whole lot of other things going on. At some point in the future would like to get surgery but it's more about how I feel than my genitals but id be more than happy to lose two parts of my anatomy though, but I think they are pretty much extinct anyway!

So yep that's my story!

Megan

[PleasantlyFascinated]

I’m resitioning.

I prefer to think I’m becoming more fluid to being what I’ve always been - a male with some possibly feminine characteristics.  
Thin wrists, yeah.  
Bubble butt, yep.  
I’ve lifted weights since I was a teen, but have never been able to bulk up.  Instead, I wind up looking like a dancer.  I think of that as an asset now.

New improvements:
Thin waist, yes, I do now.  Hip to waist ratio is more feminine than ever.
Blonde hair past my shoulders, yep - two years growing it out, and I love it.  
Shaved smooth, face to toes - been doing it for years, and wife doesn’t even question it any more.  

If I could switch from male to female and back again at will, I’m tempted to guess I’d spend more time as a female.  But since that’s not an option, I’ve plenty reason to be happy with what I am as a dude.  Having teen-aged style breasts would be a huge turn-on for me, I admit.  But, for now, it would be an oddity upon what what my body is now manifesting as its own perfection.

If I needed a label, I’d call myself gender-inclusive.

[julieTG]

Well my usual posts are a little like nipply and can relate much of what he says 
But it’s all cooled down a little for me
Perhaps 2 years on hrt has calmed me
But still think I am bigender but perhaps more genderfluid, as when I switch I instantly go left handed and everything changes
Last week I got so pissed when was ultra tired and nothing worked downstairs 
Male side was not happy about that one bit
Yet when offered the chance to go female and dress with the wife, I was not in the mood
It’s ridiculous 
X
Julie

[dementedClown]

snipped because I don't understand the quote system yet.

It's really women who need self-defense and guns more than men. Manly men do self-defense as a hobby, not as a necessity. Ironically it's women who need it the most, yet train for it the least.

As for the boob fetish, understandable since you never got to lactate as a child.


Personally, for me, I think mental gender is different from body gender. Mentally I am androgynous, with a brain slightly more female than male, but body-wise I can't stand my male body. Bodywise my gender is 100% female. Can't stand my naked manly body in the mirror, it is disgusting in all ways. If there was a button I'd change it in a heartbeat. But I get bullied for trying to escape my male body by society, they want me to stay ugly and miserable. Like you I am a lesbian, I don't understand gays or what they could possibly find attractive about my disgusting manly body. Sometimes I just want to SCREAM and wake up from this nightmare.

[Nipply Russel]

Thanks so much, everyone, for sharing your points-of-view. I hope others chime in!

Demented, I have seen most of your posts and I don't want to just start repeating what others have said, so I'll say this:

As a human being - on earth and presumably in a free country (US?), you have one great thing going for you: you have freewill. Change what you can, when you can. Find your way. Don't worry that your issues won't all be worked out this week or this month, but do visualize and try to move towards making your life/body/whatever what it needs to be. Because of that freewill, it's very possible that you'll end up in a better place a year or two from now than you even thought possible. Does a year sound way too long? If it does, it's because you're young. When you get to my age, you'll realize how youth and impatience kept you from pursuing your goals. Don't squander this opportunity - change what you can and try to be patient. You can work this out.

[Superb]

Thanks so much, everyone, for sharing your points-of-view. I hope others chime in!

Demented, I have seen most of your posts and I don't want to just start repeating what others have said, so I'll say this:

As a human being - on earth and presumably in a free country (US?), you have one great thing going for you: you have freewill. Change what you can, when you can. Find your way. Don't worry that your issues won't all be worked out this week or this month, but do visualize and try to move towards making your life/body/whatever what it needs to be. Because of that freewill, it's very possible that you'll end up in a better place a year or two from now than you even thought possible. Does a year sound way too long? If it does, it's because you're young. When you get to my age, you'll realize how youth and impatience kept you from pursuing your goals. Don't squander this opportunity - change what you can and try to be patient. You can work this out.

I for one am happy that this site exists.  There are a ton of trans centric sites that cater to those in transition.  I've been on them like most of us here trying to learn what I wanted to know and I've  seen the way people get treated that stray from the approved path.  I've been on the gynecomastia sites and 98% are guys who want nothing to do with breasts and will have their chests mangled by a ham handed surgeon just to get rid of their breasts.  I discovered this site back when it was part of breastnexus, I would spend hours reading and trying to filter out posts from the women that were irrelevant to a male trying to grow breasts.  I would like to thank whoever decided to spin off the male portion.  I have always felt that this is a very inclusive place with the focused goal of helping men grow breasts.  The transgender community is a small one but I think that community of men who want to grow breasts and stay male is even smaller.

Like others here I've always had a fascination with breasts and I've crossdressed using breast forms.  I always thought I  looked pretty good in male mode but with a bra and forms, they just looked like big fluffy pecs.  In the early days I never in my wildest dreams thought that I could have my own breasts.  Then the internet happened and it ran headfirst into the transgender movement.  I started asking myself if transgender people can grow breasts then why couldn't I do the same but without transitioning?   

Also over the last few years I've seen more men posting on sites like realself asking about getting female breast implants.  At first all of the doctors answered questions as if the men were transitioning but now some are finally starting to understand that there are men out here that would like to have breasts.   I've even seen a plastic surgeon's web site from Texas that flat out advertises that he performs breast augmentation on males staying male.  I look at it as just another form of body modification like a tattoo or a piercing.   Why should great tits be the sole domain of just women?

[julieTG]

Excellent post superb
X
Julie